Personal Response Journal

On goodbyes and hellos.

2010-08-23T00:17:00.000-07:00

Can you hear it?
This voice of mine was sucked emptily into darkness
If the world has meaning to it,
Then these kinds of feelings aren't futile

I was crushed by my longing and had given up
Without even knowing the color of the endless sky

I began to run, because my feelings, even now,
Are definitely beating against my heart

The me of today will continue towards our destination
We'll amass our own tomorrows

The answer, yes, is always right here

I don't have the time to lament the seasons that have passed
So that I won't ever waver again
With countless, tiny little
Regrets carried in my arms

I've come this far, having chased only after your back
It's something only I, who sought you, can do

Those words you gave me that day, even now,
Definitely reach my heart

I've realized my reason for having been born
Today more than I did yesterday

The answer, yes, is always right here

It was as if everything was completely natural
Our precious days haven't ended yet, and then, again

I began to run, because my feelings, even now,
Are definitely beating against my heart

The me of today will continue towards our destination
We'll amass our own tomorrows

The answer, yes, is always right here

Good gravy I love that song.

Hey there folks, I suppose this is goodbye! Well, you and all the chinese spambots that have accrued over a lengthy period of doing absolutely nothing. I got my results today, and on the leaving cert, I have to say this: I did not study the hardest, but I studied hard. I did not do the best, but I did good. I did not get my number 1, but I got my number 2. I got a result that I can honestly say I am proud of. I'm not going to pretend that I coulnd't have done better here or there, but I am proud of what I have achieved. And this morning, what I had achived earned me social work in UCD, my number 2, which I can honestly say is one of the best things that I could get.

So I'm heading off to college then! Big things lie ahead, and I'm looking forward to what will probably be semi-grown-up-ness. But, I feel like this blog has ran its course, the life of a secondary school student from.... 4th to 6th year? Wow, three years? Maybe it hasn't been that. I want to keep it around though, maybe to look back and see where I came from every now and again. Thanks for reading, all of you, your comments and readership was at its heart, what kept this blog running.

On me, I guess I should say this has been one of the best and worst years of my life, I worked hard, and experienced some truly wonderful things over this year, but in honesty, I have grown distant from God, and that is a distance that has grown exponentially in the latter days of this year. So many good things happened, but like solomon, I've found that with God at an arm's length, they lack meaning and purpose. Like I said, the latter days of this year have been pretty messed up. I've done some truly terrible things, and I have lost a fair measure of friends here and there, and as cheesy as it might sound, I also lost major parts of myself along the way. But these things happen in life, and I truly, truly am looking forward for rebirth, renewal, and redemption as I seek God and try harder to live my life for him in this new college year, making new friends and building new bridges even among those that have been burnt. So here is to claiming and reclaiming wisdom, building and strengthening friendships old and new, and the redemption, rebirth, and relationship that God gives us, just because he loves us.

And also reminiscence, just because it starts with a "re".

So goodbye!

Play me off, Johnny!

"Hey, I wonder if this still counts as a quote even if it's just me saying it!" - Lorcan Murphy.

In America!

2010-07-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

I am in America! I'm on a visit after 6 years away from the motherland, and I must say I am quite enjoying myself. This is going to be a short post, so I will keep it that way. Food here is delicious, but really, really, really terrible for you. Not even kidding, 90% of the entire menu of a Chili's is at least more than 50% of your daily amount of calories. That is an underestimate, there were options that would be, by calorimetric estimation, the only thing that a woman should have eaten that day. And even then that can be too much. So naturally, there are many, many overweight people. It's not to say that buyers should take no personal responsibility, but I can see the difference even in cultural attitudes towards food, there is a nearly "loreal" kind of attitude, namely "because we're worth it" in which one is caught in a catch 22 situation of either indulging because you deserve the break, or admitting that no, you do not deserve to enjoy the new double cheese-chili baconator with extra bacon. The breakaway from this is to realize that healthy food, when skilfully prepared, can be even more enjoyable than some manner of deep-fried grease, but cultural attitudes can be difficult to overcome. That all being said, there are some super awesome health food places here and there, with fresh produce and all that, but things that leave one feeling digestively proud of themselves are certainly in the minority.

Ok, so I'm a dirty liar, that's not a short post at all! It's interesting to note the differences, I suppose the main ones would be that Utah is by a considerable margin full of nicer people than the Dublin I'm acquainted with, but also by a wide margin, full of, frankly, stupid people. In general. Well, I'm off to do more things! Happy Summer!

You know, nintendo...

2010-06-16T12:49:00.000-07:00

http://e3.gamespot.com/press-conference/nintendo-e3/

Maybe it's time we gave this thing another shot.

On being dangerous.

2010-06-13T13:33:00.000-07:00

I just felt like blogging about this, it's been bugging me lately. Also, ah-ha! I am still alive and have not fallen down a well.

A term that gets thrown around a lot in christian circles is the adjective "dangerous". It's usually used in conjunction with doing some of the things that are more likely to get you strange looks for Jesus. Which is really great! Taking the step to think "you know, I am going to move to an impoverished place in the world and devote my life to making their world a better place" and then go on such a journey is a really cool thing. Or even the littler things like "hey, I'm going to bring up God in conversation and maybe try talking to this person about him.". I think that things like that are really important in a faith life. But what bugs me is the word "dangerous" that people use to describe them. For crying out loud! Cougars are dangerous. Driving your monster truck blindfolded is dangerous. Giving lots of money to poor people is not dangerous. Please, use the word "important" or "life-changing" or even "scary", but stop saying dangerous. I am aware that is sounds pretty edgy and cool, like some guy named "Jack" whose top 5 hobbies include: "mountain biking", "working out", "wearing sunglasses", "wearing tank-tops" and "gazing into the sunset at 3/4 posture while looking stoic", but please. Dangerous things are there to harm you. I am at least 99% certain that living for Jesus does not involve harming other people.

Half a poem.

2010-01-17T09:55:00.000-08:00

I’m laying down baggage
For the journey ahead
I’ll carry no weight
No such worries like lead.
I’m letting it slip, lacking want to reclaim,
On vulnerable sails, I’ll drift without aim.

I’ll lighten my load in the soft morning light
Grant zephyr, O Lord, please bless me with flight
I’ll not seek to find land.
Bring no food nor provision,
and subsist only on the manna
you bring
when I wake.

God’s wind I’ll rely on to fill these sails,
courage for the stomach so sea-sick with ails.
Guide me to harbor when in need of repairs,
I’ve no crow’s-nest, nor sextant, nor putting on airs.

___________________

Maybe I can't reach all the dreams I'm hoping for, maybe I can't learn from all the mistakes I make, and maybe I can't vanquish all the skeletons in my closet. Maybe.

But so help me God, it won't be for lack of trying.

Song

2009-11-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

"I hope to be there by the morning
and see this pining all transforming
into the arms of the Georgia sun
Savannah
I'd love to feel the heat the sunrise
Brushing rays across my windshield as if one dries
the streams from off my face

Yet I know you'll be there cause you'll know I'll want you to be there
And we'll say hello as you're smiling in love
And we'll sigh so relieved I believe because we will both know by
tonight we'll feel normal again
But until then
Until Then
Until then

Savannah
Our backs supported by a hammock
we sum up perfection like a handbook
and God knows it all too well
Savannah
We'll take a walk to find a gift shop
Who would've thought the book that you bought
would never come off the shelf

Baby
I spent my life wondering
Wondering when I'd find you
I searched for all these years and now you're right here
I need you to know that
Everything makes sense when you're with me

Savannah
Walk out into the sultry evening
Cotton breathing when the sea winds
brush the hair down around your neck
Savannah
You hold my hand like it's the first time
and all the feelings that our hearts find
will be just what we expect"

So Relient k released their new album "Forget and Not Slow Down". It is seriously one of my favorite albums of all time. I love the above song, and "Sahara" as well. I have been studying, but not as much as I should be, but still more than I'm entirely comfy with. 6th year is a busy year, which is why I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like. Not that it tires me, it just takes effort, I guess. But I enjoy it.

Up until five minutes ago, I thought that spinach tasted like soggy grass and believed deep down that the people who liked it were secretly part cow. Now I think I might like it.

When I read King Lear, I find I relate to Lear more than I am entirely comfortable with. We are reading it quite a lot. I think it's my favorite play. I hope I don't get totally screwed over by my daughters due to their evil (or my jerkishness?) someday.

I finished reading "We need to talk about Kevin".

I am all sorts of out of sorts, or am I?

I am on my way to a higher options conference in dark of night with google maps and my bike (yet to be named) as my only companion. Wish me luck!

I am doing ok.

People were pretty miffed last night about the whole hand ball thing. Which is quite understandable. That ref is kinda suspiciously obstinate.

You are reading this (I can't see a way that sentence could be false! Unless someone was reading it to you, but I have no idea if that would still count as reading my blog).

This baaarely counts as a blog post. :P

"i am too panadol stoned for this conversation."- Laura F. -facebook comment.

What are you folk up to? Murder? Arson? Wedding plans?

On shell shock.

2009-10-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

So! I am all better now. I had missed about a week and a half of school due to bronchitis, and I eventually became well enough to get through the 1 2/2 days of school. (wednesday was a half day and so was friday). Dearest Nicoley even came to visit me while I was ill. Aww! She's a super lady, and I really needed the company! I realised upon her visit that she was the first human being I wasn't directly related to that I had had a conversation with in a week. Jeez, I was losing touch! Isolation is never a good thing. But, I learned quite a bit from my time alone, and God showed a lot of strength through me without anyone to look over my shoulder. Seriously though, people. Matthew 25:36 was not kidding, people need visiting. I can only hope that I have learned from this experience and will be more generous with my time toward those who need company. I had in part, forgotten how to have chats with people. But, I had the weekend to look forward to. There was paintballing. There was bruising. There was fun times for everyone. This post is now like, one week old. I can't even remember what the rest of it was supposed to be about! Probably paintballing and friends. C'est la vie!

Also,

2009-10-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

When Harry met Sally may now just be my favorite romance movie of all time. Just sayin'.

Calm before the _____

2009-10-18T06:36:00.000-07:00

So, school tomorrow. I still feel like something the cat dragged in, despite four days of potent antibiotics and 7 days of near-total rest. I dannevenknow. I feel like I have a temperature of some description, but for whatever reason our house is devoid of working thermometers. We've got some mercury ones on the way from the post because you can't buy them over here, and blah blah blah. I feel pretty lousy. I really don't want to head into school tomorrow, but can I afford to miss any more school? Then again, this is a chest infection, by the ominous name of "Bronchitis". That name always made me think of dinosaurs, like the Brontosaurus. So if I push myself, I'm just going to get worse, and I don't wanna do that. Flippin' antibiotics should have this thing sorted by now, or at least so I'd hoped. In all likelihood, I won't be going to school tomorrow. When it comes right down to it, I know if I really do feel like crap, there's no way I'll be bothered to do the bike into school. No maths, anyway, and I'd be missing a third of the day due to games and irish. Still. I am going a little mad for boredom and isolation. What I would not give to see another human friend that wasn't immediately related to me. Whinging helps though. A little. :)

Watched some more Doctor Phil, and I noticed something! He has a facial tic. He closes his eyes from time to time with a noticeable force (Just in case any of you were thinking "That's blinking, Lorcan.), but what I like about that is that it doesn't make a difference. He never even brings it up, because it genuinely isn't important. One of the youth leaders at my youth group talks to kids at various schools about Jesus, but he has a stutter. I think that's really, really awesome. It's like, there's this thing that you'd think would hold you back, but once you actually look at it, there's no reason for it to, so they just went with it anyway.

I'm probably not being too coherent, I blame it on the illness. Bored out of my skull. I downloaded an emulator for a game I had when I was a kid. I'm uncertain whether or not this makes me a hypocrite. I mean, more than one usually would be. I'm anti-piracy, but then, I've always tended to follow my own ideas of what is fair rather than what the law would specifically state is acceptable. Then again, I have no idea about the law. I wish you could just google these things. You probably can, maybe I just haven't looked hard enough. At any rate, I owned the game as a child, we lost it, I can play it now, they've stopped selling it long ago, I don't see that as unfair. But call me out on it if you will. I beat it, anyway. It's called "Survival kids", and you play as a 10 year old boy or girl, shipwrecked on a desert island, with the goal to survive and eventually get off the island. This game has always tickled my fancy for various reasons. I mean, what 10 year old boy wouldn't dream of such an awesome scenario? Obviously without the whole fear of death and loneliness and stuff. Because you're ten. It's a good, fun game.

The idea of survival has always been a kinda fun scenario for me, I quite like the idea of self-sufficiency. Which can play to my pride when I mistakenly try to live without others' help. Which is silly and all.

"When I realize it
I’ve been playing through the same place
And I died at the same location after that
Never giving up, challenge against the disappearing stepping tiles
But soon only to fall off from it
If only I have the tools No.2
It’ll be easier to reach the other side but
No matter how many times, no matter how many times
I can’t defeat Airman
No matter how many times, I couldn’t dodge the tornado
Despite jumped behind and fire repeatedly
I got blown off eventually
I even tried rapid time firing
But it’s meaningless when I pit it against the tornado
So in order to win the next round
I can only reserve the E tank to the very last moment

When I realize it
I only left a little bit of life
And I use the E tank at the similar place
Never giving up
Not easy reaching Airman’s place
But I don’t have anymore credit
If only I have the leaf shield
It’d be easier to defeat Airman but
No matter how many times, no matter how many times
I can’t defeat Woodman
Falling leaves
No matter how many times, I can’t dodge it
No matter keeping distance away and went behind
Eventually the distance will be shortened
I even tried rapid time firing
But it’s meaningless when I pit it against his agility
So in order to win the next round
I can only reserve the E tank to the very last moment

If only I have the tools No.2
It’ll be easier to reach the other side but
No matter how many times, no matter how many times
I can’t defeat Airman
No matter how many times, I couldn’t dodge the tornado
Despite jumped behind and fire repeatedly
I got blown off eventually
I even tried rapid time firing
But it’s meaningless when I pit it against the tornado
So in order to win the next round
I can only reserve the E tank to the very last moment" - Air Man ga Taosenai (Airman will not Die)

Still Alive

2009-10-15T10:10:00.001-07:00

So, I went to the doctor today, it turns out it's just a chest infection, not the aforementioned swine flu. How that happened baffles me. For all the "Wash your hands every hour on the hour" mentality, living under the same roof as someone who has it, and spending two days at a camp where a good friend of mine had it baffles me. It's like the entire firing squad missing you or something. I just don't know. Maybe I already had after 10-12s. I had been informed that I didn't, but who knows, that'd be the only explanation that I could think of. Still feel quite bleh though. My entire body seems to have rallied against me, turning me into some sort of ghoulish figure. I am a noxious vestibule of grease and coughing, at time caught in that most trying of decisions. Do I need to excrete or vomit? That one's always a toughie. Nobody wants to be caught relieving themselves and then discover all too late they've made the wrong choice and get sick all over the floor. TMI turkey? Perhaps. I'm on antibiotics. I can't remember if I posted this on my blog or just twitter, but antibiotic means "Against life". How evil-sounding is that? Yet we'd be in a very sad state of disarray without them, despite that they sound like a robotic nano-race hellbent on humanity's extinction.

I just watched TV today. I've noticed a sliding gradient of talk-TV shows. At the bottom, is Jerry Springer. You know, somebody's ho's been cheatin' on him, and dayyyumed if there ain't gonna be some big brawl in which half the noise is beeping and half the screen is full of securtiy.

Next on the list is Maury. At first, I fell for it's guise as a serious talk-TV show. But no. It is not. It is just Jerry Springer dressed up as intelligent. They still have secret paternity tests in which the drama is played out for maximum effect while we, the romans, get to chant and cheer while the proverbial lions of strife draw in for the kill. I actually turned it off at one point, I think there's a limit to how much of someone's personal life should be broadcast on international television. The subject was quite good though, I had quite an admiration for the guy in question. The man had decided that regardless of the results of the paternity test, he would stay with his significant other and her child. What I saw as impressive though was that she was only his fiancee. I mean really, he would be within rights to just up and leave, but he didn't. I admire that kind of commitment. When the woman found out, she ran off the stage, while the man reaffirmed his decision. As he held her in his arms offstage and told her how much he loved her, I couldn't help but realise that there was a camera crew surrounding them. It's kinda like: "Dude, give them a little bit of space?" Cripes. I can see why people freak out at the paparazzi like they do, I think having your worst moments filmed for people's interest is kinda messed up, needless to say enraging. I just switched the channel, with the slightest waft of shame for having watched Maury.

And then, at the top, is Doctor Phil. He's a classy guy, like a big loveable Texas teddy bear. Not to mention he reminds me of Nexus, who has earned the nickname "Dr. Phil" for his compassionate and caring nature. And that he likes to help people. I couldn't think of a decent adjective for that. At any rate, the topic of the day was commitment. And commitment-phobes. Interesting subject, not limited to just men, from the looks of it. It's a tricky fear, really. I think I'm a little young to be properly affected by it, or at least deal with it. But then, I could be wrong. I suppose the only fear I'd have is that if I got married it'd be to the wrong person and it'd all just fall apart or something. But luckily, I've got the redemptive love of Jesus in my life to give me a bit of a wake-up call and say: "Hey, I'd be there to help both of you work through any problems." I think when God left infidelity as the only excuse to get a divorce (And not even that, really, if you take what Jesus' said.) that that says a lot about marriage. That if God is present, two people can work through any problem together. Maybe I'm just showing some sort of naivete with that kind of talk, perhaps it's the truth, but in either case, I think he meant what he said, and that two people that had become joined wouldn't have to be caged to unhappiness for the rest of their lives. That fresh starts could be made, and love long dead could be resurrected. I think so, anyway. Is his arm too short?

And on to my last topic, of why God's way is the best way. On two counts. I think it's vital to marry someone that's a christian as well, otherwise I don't think one could expect God to work through them and with them if they'd really rather he didn't, or didn't believe at all. And another recurring theme in these stories was pre-marital sex. Which meant that the people had kids. And that, my friends, is trouble. Hahaha! Not kids, not kids! That came out wrong. But making difficult decisions about your relationship are made a lot more complicated when your decisions can deeply affect your offspring. On the one hand, having kids can keep you in the relationship, which can be good and bad, I suppose. You'll work at happiness a lot harder if it's the only option.

On the other hand, if you leave, you've just done a lot of damage to your kids, like it or not.

The last thing, I guess, is sex. Apparently the number one reason (or so says doctor Phil's cited research at least) that guys don't commit is because they can get sex regardless. Which isn't a very noble thought, in either case. I don't think you should marry just to get some nookie cookies. If that's your goal, you gotta re-evaluate some things. But I think your decisions will be a lot clearer and more objective if you're not up to your eyeballs in funky hormones. That, and the previously mentioned kids. I don't think any of those couples decided: "Well, I'm not ready to marry you, but what the hey, lets have some kids!". Birth controll is effective, but you can always get a Juno on your hands. I think abstinence just keeps things simple. But also probably a little dorky. But that's a small price to pay to avoid gettin' punched-up by yo' ho' on Jerry Springer and getting a headache from all the bleeping.

Maybe I just like saying "ho".

"Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly...she's not yo' ho no mo'." -Michael: The Office (US)

Wait.... groan

2009-10-13T09:31:00.000-07:00

So, this morning getting out of bed I felt like a brick of fried suffering, I rolled out with a hack and a cough. But after that I felt better. I realised I was probably still sick to some degree, but tuesday is triple maths, and whenever I miss a maths class, I come back to find we've all learned how to fly or something like that, and next week we're all jumping off a cliff to hone our skills. So I elected to head into school anyway. I downed a lemsip, garbed myself in what has been described as my "Bicycle safety ninja" outfit, and was on my way to school. I felt pretty good until I got to the common room, to be honest. Perhaps it was seeing people full of vitality and life that drew my attention to my less than exuberant status ailment. So I figured I'd stick around for the first few classes, then see how I felt. So I then went home after my first class as I felt a headache coming on a like wave from an ocean of bricks. So I spent my second day home sick.

I am loath to fall prey to such fearfulness, but my brother had been feeling rather ill lately as well, and our good Doctor gave, in her professional opinion, a label of swine flu upon my brother. I really, really, really hope it's not swine flu. I'm fine with feeling like burning bacon fat for a few days, but I can't afford to miss a whole week of school! However, the growing ache in my stomach speaks a truth. I realised today that should I feel properly crap-tacular tomorrow, I will likely stay in for the rest of the week. Eugh. That would suck. But, such actions are necessary. I've watched one too many zombie movies to allow myself to become the guy who got bit but kept it to himself right up until the end where he turned and bit the protagonist's girlfriend. No sir. I am highly uncomfortable being by myself in a house for extended days at a time. I am going to have my brother take the modem to school in all likelihood of such an occurance. You do not leave a crack addict unsupervised for days at a time with heaping crack rock lying on the kitchen table, you do not leave Lorcan Murphy unsupervised for days at a time with an internet connection. It is just not done. But we shall burn that bridge as we come to it, in the words of a giant rat in a trenchcoat.

So here's what I've gotten up to today. I've been reading through "Inverloch", a comic by the same lady who does "The Phoenix Reqieum". It's a finished comic, so there shouldn't be the problem as detailed in my last post. I've got a flaming stomach cramp just now though, so I'm gonna cut it short.

This: Is quite pretty and fantasy-RPGish
This guy: Is pretty scary.

Aren't my days productive?

"And Rene Descartes/ was a drunken fart/ I drink therefore I am!" - Bruce's Philosophers Song": Monty Python

Screen-shaking fury!

2009-10-12T10:57:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I search "top webcomics" on Google, and found this little webcomic, "The Phoenix Requiem". I went through the first few pages, and realised I had tried to read through it once before, it was familiar! But I realised I had hit new comics after the first chapter. Holy crap you guys, I give this thing a big two thumbs up. Three thumbs up. I actually just grabbed Grant's hand and forced him to make a thumbs up, just so that that statement could be factual. The artwork is UNSPEAKABLE. Really. There are times when I do a double-take, just to see if he has used three-dimensional software, or photoshopped a photograph of a person into the comic. None of these things have occurred. The artist is extremely talented. Each comic is like a beautiful painting, and the characters no less. Each one has a backstory, talents, hopes, and secrets, and it is oh so enjoyable to see them develop and react with each other. So so good! Give it time though folks, like any story worth reading, it takes a little while to get started. Come to think of it, the Bible doesn't. It starts off pretty epic right away. But back to the topic at hand!

It is also long, with 485 comics in the archive. I am ashamed to say that I read through them all in a matter of an hour or two. My shame is because I have not appreciated the art. Really, truly, they are works of beauty. Which is what prompted my fury. If you are into webcomics, like myself, you have all eventually reached my current point. You begin a story, and find you enjoy it. Reading more. You grow an endearment to the characters. Reading more. The plot wraps its arms around you in an inescapable embrace of curiosity, reading more. You find you fall in love just a little bit with the world itself, reading more and more, becoming drunk with the sheer quantity of delicious fiction you are ingesting and then nothing. Stop. Halt. Comics update of mondays and thursdays. click to vote for top webcomic. Here's the forum. "NOOOOOO!!!" was my cry. It is a cruel fate for readers of webcomics, as if your latest novel was dropped off with the sunday paper. A literary booty-call. Just a one-night stand? But I find myself deeply in love with this comic, even if I can only see it unfold twice a week. I eagerly await thursday, my friends. I eagerly await.

New readers, start here!

"We have our own deity in Mishara, Professor. Magic is a myth, not part of our education. I can see the appeal though. It'd make being a doctor much easier." - Anya Katsukova, "The Phoenix Requiem, page 8"

Sickly!

2009-10-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

So, I am sick, and monday being about my least important day of the week for school, I have elected to stay home. I am going to go do some study now, but not before sharing with you these two comics.

One! "Rob and Elliot". Genuinely funny misadventures of two roommates. I realize I have just desrcibed about 99% of all webcomics ever, but this has more of a "machall" kinda feel to it. Funny, and light.

The other one is not funny. At all. I laughed about once, to be honest (at a white Nelson Mandela), but it is not a funny comic! It's about a gay guy with OCD. Which is a bit of an understatement. I will warn you, the first two pages are him and his boyfriend having sex. But it's not vulgar, honest! It charts the difficulties of the guy and his struggles with compulsions fears, and anxieties, and his stresses of dealing with other people. You feel kinda bad for him while reading it, mental illness is always horrible. I guess we all have our worries and fears, it's just difficult to see when people can't deal with it for medical reasons. Another thing about it is the depiction of his relationship with his boyfriend. I suppose there aren't too many examples of such relationships in the media, so it's good to see what they're like in reality, I think.

I suppose it is difficult though. If you've read Leviticus, you know God's stance on such relationships, and that God considers them to not be how he planned us humans to get along. But when you see that two people genuinely love each other, and even seem to show it more than some heterosexual relationships, what exactly is there to say? Complicated subject indeed. We discussed it in relatively large length at my youth group's weekend away. Inconclusive answers for the most part. One can conclude that being involved in a sexual relationship with someone of the same gender is not as God intended is about all you can really say. And "in the old testament" to be added, for further uncertainty. We are all aware it is not a choice. But with evidence to show that it is both something that you are born with, what are we supposed to say? We were posed with the question: "Is that fair?" and the only thing I could think of is "It isn't fair." I suppose why so many people become homophobic and hateful is because it's a complicated subject. It's easy to just say "it's their fault, they're responsible, it's bad!" and then staunchly stay to your own side without fail, certain that you are right. But when you look at the facts, there isn't anything to hold against them. Complicated, complicated, complicated. But there are some facts that each of us do know, as Christians. We cannot judge. We must love. God loves each of us equally. We are all equally sinful. And that's the facts I aim to stick to, above all else in such matters.

Well, that went about five miles off topic, here's the comic anyway! It's a deep little ditty by the name of: "I'm Crazy"

*stomach groans*
"Man, I'm hungry like nobody's business!"
"Well, when was the last time you ate?"
"I SAID IT WAS NOBODY'S BUSINESS!" - Rob and Elliot, "Rob and Elliot"

That is actually a little scary

2009-10-08T23:35:00.001-07:00

Just a little. I am having moments like this every now and again where I realise that I am actually older than kids at this stage. Pokemon was 10 years ago, people! Aladdin's been out for nearly twenty years! We are no longer kids.

On that community yoke.

2009-10-06T12:05:00.001-07:00

So, my school's first day of Christian Union starts tomorrow, and as part of God's running sense of humour, I am running the asylum for the first day. I mean, really. Of course, we are all flawed humans equal in our coming short for qualifications for service, but sometimes I realize that I'm part of the leadership team and it just strikes me that as part of his plan, this is where I'm at right now. Me, people! It's like someone put a recovering alcoholic as captain of their ship. But, all this is for the best, as at the end of the day, it will be God speaking through me that does the real work. The wonderful response to my questioning: "This is it, God? I'm going to be part of this? You sure you don't want someone more qualified?" That the answer is a resounding "Yes!". It boggles my mind.

At any rate, the talk for the first meeting is all written up, and I am both eager and relaxed, which is a comforting change. I've done stuff like this a few times now, so the jitters of speaking to a bunch of people and saying: "Ok, so I did some digging in the word, and now please listen to what God hopefully says through me.". And experience gives the comfort that they're not going to chuck me through the B floor window. At least, they haven't this far. I'm exited for this year though. The kind and nifty Jonny Somerville is "getting some heads together" for a panel of questions about faith and whatnot for January, and it's not in vain when I say "Thank God!" That the teachers are really willing to get up to their elbows involved in the work this year Nicoley and I are both in 6th year, so we'll need them about when mocks and the inevitable Summer Quiz comes lumbering towards us.

The thing that troubles me though is people attending. Not just about CU, but the communities of faith I'm involved in at the moment. The kids club I help out at on fridays is at an all-time low of kids, and those that do come are mostly at their parents' enforcement, and those that do come tend to be more interested in yelling and grabbing as much notice as possible rather than listening to what we put together for them. Which sounds like "Children aren't serious all the time, ka-gasp!" But, seriously, they're looking to close the thing down. Which would leave me out of a job for friday evenings. And sure, it's volunteer work, but I've got kids to feed! Fictional or no, they still need to be fed. My current youth club too, has seen a drop in attendees. I heard from someone recently that youth workers are on the decline, that youth interest in Christianity wanes and waxes, and the jobs associated with that rise and fall as well.

That kinda frightens me. I've witnessed apostasy in friends before, and if honest-to-goodness scares the pants off of me. Was this all a trend? Was eternity just for a weekend? Scares me to death. The concept of apathy gradually working its way around your neck and applying pressure newton by newton until your faith's last breath leaves your body with a shuddering, silent whisper. Of course, many such deaths witness resurrections from the almighty, but still, whenever I see someone close the door on their faith, whether with a resounding slam or a faint click, I cannot help but wonder: "Will that be me someday?" Luckily, unlike most of my others, such a fear does not warrant worry, to me at least. Despite being the thing I fear most.

However, I am aware of my own hypocrisy. I am secretly a master of not showing up. I may be involved in various groups of believers here and there, but I know, deep down, I am well practiced at hitting the "Busy" button when God comes calling. I know this is something everyone struggles with though, so I'm fairly certain nobody's going to leave a comment saying: "Goodness Lorcan, you horrible sinner, I've never skipped out on spending time with God once!" And if you do post that comment, please include someplace we can meet up, because you need to teach me your secret! However, I'm aware that a checklist faith of "Pray for 15 minutes, read your bible, Christianity ticked off for today!" isn't good either. Tricky, all the same.

At the time of this writing, we had CU yesterday, and unfortunately about only 3 people made it, which was kinda discouraging. My lovely youth leader Jonathan gave me a call later on in the afternoon to check how it went though, and was very kind! He showed empathy and sympathy, and what's more, encouragement. He's a nice guy, that Jonathan. Welp, that's all I've really got to say for today.

Oh! Wait! I also had a Netherlandese person controlling my computer yesterday to help set up a video game client. Risky move? Undoubtedly. However, it seemed to have to have had no adverse effects on my system, besides a grinding horror at watching my mouse move around and do things of it's own free will. It rendered me with the niggling feeling like my computer was about to burst forth legs and arms, and out of the arms, saws, to rend me and my brother to pieces. Fortunately, no such slaughter occurred. It's crazy how much you can learn about someone just from rifling through their PC, it took the Rob (the techie in question) about five minutes to find out my address, video game preferences, and even who I am currently romantically involved with.

It was interesting, really, me, him, my brother, and another friend or two of his from the Netherlands were all talking while said Dutchman set up my videogame client. And in the fashion of young men acquainted with the internet, the conversation quickly turned to "hey, let's see where this bloke hides the porn!" It was a little shocking even to my own ears to say: "There's none. Search if you don't believe me, you won't find anything." Of course, the dude didn't believe me, and regaled me with tales of the last dude who made that claim, and the approximately 2.4 seconds it took for it to be proven false. I felt a sense of calm and removed peace to be able to be completely at ease as the guy rifled through my computer to set up the client, certain beyond a doubt that I had absolutely nothing to hide from him or anyone. I think we must be doing something right as followers of Jesus when the claims we make (In truth, mind you), are so fantastic and grand that people just don't believe us when they hear them.

Okay, maybe I was just a little ashamed about the fact I was over level 100 on mafia wars, but that's it! :P

"Why don't you stand up? Be a man about it? Fight with your bare hands about it now?" - Paramore: For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

On the mountains.

2009-10-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

So, no 6.6 today, instead our teacher had what I would consider a relatively uncreative idea, and just had us run up and down the same hill for half an hour. Why? No-one can say. The 6.6 is next week, but in honesty, it's not really going to be the 6.6. He has said that everyone's just going to run their best. Which means it'll be the 4.4 for a small few, the 2.2 for most, and the 6.6 for none, as running that distance in under 30 minutes is beyond the ken of most mortal men.

Bleh. Like the shawshank redemption, there was word passed out today by none other than the teacher himself that one of our fellow runners had indeed escaped to greener pastures. And by greener pastures, I mean Table Tennis. Yes, Table Tennis, the Valhalla of Games options, where one can play one of the sporting worlds' silliest sports, dilly-dally about, or just do homework, while chatting amiably with friends, and for all I can conceive, sipping martinis. Alas, my friends Nicole and Brian already attend such a fabled option, and I am frequently taunted by their superior fortunes. So this is Lorcan Murphy with his rockhammer, desperately hoping he can get out to the Se Wateneo of table tennis. I need Nicole and Brian, they are the kinda folk who can get things, from time to time.

In different news, I am going to see Paramore in december, and am currently working my way into a liking of the band, which is easy-going. I'm thinking I'm gonna buy "All we know is falling" and "Riot!" thus far. I like the lyrics. Paramore seem like a pretty genuine band as far as I can tell, and that endears me to them. Honesty in their lyrics of equal portions trouble and mirth. Good listening.

I am not, however, going to buy "The Final Riot!", I do not think. It's "Riot!" But live. The latter part of the album is pretty freakin' sweet, but the first half is heavy-laden with concert speak, which has always rubbed me a the wrong way. Perhaps it is my ancient distaste for worship leaders who whip their congregations into a frenzy simply for the sake of a frenzy spilling over into a more secular setting. But all the same, when someone tells me to put my hands in the air, and encourage me to exclaim that I was "born for this", I am more likely to fold them over in reluctance and ask for an explanation of what exactly "this" is, before I devote my whole existence to whatever it is. Who knows, sweet and lovely Haley could secretly be talking about crack for all I know. It's happened before. I thought "Coin Operated Boy" was the most bittersweet song about impersonal sex while craving a deeper loving relationship, and boy, was I wrong. Insofar as the main object of the song's focus flew over my head like an airplane, leaving only an echo in it's wake, for me to flippantly look up and question: "Did anyone just hear something?". I am not one for casual declarations, I suppose. But that all said, I am loving their music.

"I put my faith in you so much faith, and then you, just threw it away." - Paramore "For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic" (no emotional relevance, I just like that line in the song :P)

Triumph!

2009-09-30T10:49:00.000-07:00

So, today, I have gotten a haircut, gotten my phone checked out for errors, sent off my registration form to vote, and set up two new bank accounts. This might not sound like all too much, but in 6th year, time for errands isn't always high. I deeply relish filling out such to-do lists.

LIMIT BREAK!

2009-09-29T12:08:00.001-07:00

So, almost as a little sequel to last night's post, I have decided to not rely quite so hard on solidarity. God is an unchanging God, which of course is to be sought after, but he still had his "woo!" days and his "not so woo." days. And hat the honesty to call out the difference and enjoy the two. I seek to sing songs of praise when I am happy, and pray and perhaps even blog when I am sad, not just do nothing all the time in hopes that means nothing good or bad is happening. So let's live life to the full and other cliches! :D

Today, I have tried to live life more fully. So far, I have accidentally worn my underwear backwards all day, seen a small boy high on dentistry painkillers (who is now the face of a new charity, and seen Pee Wee Herman talk about crack. If that's not life to the full, I don't know what is!

Also, that dad is some kinda crazy mix of awesome, hilarious, and cruel for uploading that video! When dear David grows up, I doubt that teen Dave will have many kind words to say about becoming an internet phenomenon.

"Is this real?" "Is this gonna be forever?" - Aforementioned David.

More running.

2009-09-28T10:37:00.001-07:00

At this rate, this blog is fast turning into "Personal Response to double games on a monday afternoon", but all the same. So far, I have liked cross country. It has been an opportunity to lightly push myself physically, for which I was, as they say: "game". But today involved running like you were being chased by a pack of velociraptors. For some reason, my spellcheck refuses to acknowledge that "velociraptors" is a word. Perhaps the inventors of firefox had a crippling fear like the guy who does XKCD and refused to admit they existed. Anyway.

Today was effectively "sprint day". Which was pretty lame. We did a warmup run of effectively the whole school, and then began just sprinting up and down the pitch. Sure, it was dressed up in various forms, but at the end of the day it was: "Run very quickly over here, and then back. Repeatedly, now!" Never before have I felt more like vomiting due to sport. We even did the aptly named "Suicides", which is just sprinting up and down a rugby pitch. And then our school's photographer, Mr. P, came to take photographs for the school newsletter. I was lagging behind in the group, and he kindly said:
"You look like a man who's having a good time there, Lorcan!"
"I think I'm going to puke. They did not mention this on the games options sheet. I was not informed!"

I am not sure if he took my photo or not. I am in two camps about my sweaty, nauseous, exhausted visage showing up in the school newsletter. Perhaps some will look upon it as a violation of human rights and bring down our current teacher to enforce levels of exercise that could be described as "Sane". On the other hand, I'm sure I really did look like crap. So that's not great.

I feel I could bring up my resistance to this scheme for religious reasons, for as it was written in first Corinthians 9:24:
"24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."
And forsooth, as it was also written in Ephesians 6:13:
"13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

So perhaps some sort of argument could be struck that I was not running the race in such a way that would allow me to, after having done everything, to be physically able to stand. All it would involve is some relative misquoting, come on!

The teacher is a relatively nice guy, don't get me wrong, he's a classy English guy who acts like a classy English guy to levels reaching Alan Partridge awkwardness, but the dude seems to have a borderline cruel streak when it comes to running. I understand his enthusiasm as a dude who does laps around the school pitches just for fun, but seriously, dude needs to realize that we're not all "athletes". And no matter what, never ever introduce a more challenging style of running with the phrase: "New regime." All anyone thinks of are Nazis. It's 6.6 miles next week, so if I come back reporting vomiting or profuse weeping, be not surprised.

I prefer a much more relaxed pace, I've never been much good at sprints. My skill lies not in power, but more endurance. I long for sturdiness and reliability over flash and bang. Steady minimum over unstable maximum. Short sentences over elaboration. :P Though of course like any other carbon-based life-form like us, I both long for and enjoy the peaks and valleys. Perhaps I simply choose to avoid them more often. But all things in moderation, including moderation, I suppose. I am in need of learning how to "chillax", as the kool kids say. I have found riding a flatter, unwavering line of existance not to be as satisfying as I once thought it would be. Don't worry though, I'm not going to go try crack or anything! XD

But enough of that for now. People need to stay open later, it was seriously irritating to find that both the barber and the banks were closed today. I never got that about banks. Open at 9, finish at four, never open on weekends. What is up with that? I'm not saying that the workers should be whipped to exhaustion, but seriously, just, I dunno, hire some new guys? Nobody else seems to have a problem with it. People's free time and the times banks are open seem to be two separated Venn diagrams. Never understood that.

Mal: I had a good day.
Simon: You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives.
Mal: We're still flying.
Simon: That's not much.
Mal: It's enough.
-Closing of "Serenity", the pilot of "Firefly".

We need to have light discussion about Kevin.

2009-09-27T11:31:00.019-07:00

I have that title because I am only about halfway through the book. When I finish it, perhaps we will need to thoroughly discuss Kevin. But for now, we need only light discussion. A brief discourse, perhaps.

I'm reading it, and it's pretty heavy stuff. Heavy like a heavy metal (In the chemical sense), where it can do bad things if it gets too deeply ingrained in your system. I find I can identify with most of the characters. That is, I find it easier to fear that I identify with the characters' shortcomings.

I can, unfortunately find myself in Eva's listlessness and blazze disposition with most things, in her continual dissatisfaction with life's events, in truth, I even have replicated her 10th birthday myself, building things up to impossible heights and then being disappointed even with the grandest heights. I fear for winding up like her, perpetually cranky, always withholding some snide comment like an unrejected poison. But luckily, I can relish the moments where I can step outside both myself and herself and find myself different from her complaints, and think: Cripes lady, chillax! And in those moments, I am comforted by that it is, for the most part, just a book. That once the shine is off the apple, it need not be a death sentence that the whole thing will rot entirely in a matter of time.

I find I relate with Franklin as well, to some extent. BECAUSE I'M AMERICAN, OF COURSE! Nah, though perhaps that might have something to do with it. He's got what could be considered lofty ideals and tends to be more in love with ideas and concepts than reality per se. Which could line up with me here and there, I suppose. But man, he can be a real douchebag to Eva sometimes, it's like: "Franklin, I have deep dissatisfaction with my life." "Take those feelings Eva, and cram them deep, deep down, and then never mention them again." His selfish attitudes are something I would fear to find within myself.

Kevin? Meh. I suppose I haven't read quite enough about him. But really, I don't relate well with him, at all. I have, in the past, had this fear that I could secretly be a crazy person. Well, proper crazy, not like, "I love to eat onions with pomegranate juice, isn't that crazy?" kind of crazy. Which I suppose, is why I did and did not read this book. I avoided it in case they described Kevin as "Enjoying video games, going to church, writing in his blog, surfing facebook, and also secretly being Lorcan." Then we would have a problem on our hands. But I kept a stiff upper lip, and decided to take this book, and perhaps any demons that reside within it, head on.

To my relief, from birth, given Eva's description, she might as well be named Rosemary. I had been told by Nicole that the book keeps a relatively neutral stance between nature/nurture, but seriously, His hobbies at 2 include all but "cackling maniacly and praying to Lucifer, father of lies." Perhaps I am simply not far enough in, at 4, he does seem more to be something of just a problem child. But at any rate, it is all ahead of me.

And if I may boast, I did figure out one of the major twists after only a few chapters :P

"I don like dat." - chilling words indeed.

Opera, we need to talk.

2009-09-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well opera, it's been a while. We need to talk. I don't think this is really working out. It's the little things, you know? You don't load random pages anymore. You used to, I don't know why you've stopped, but, I can't even browse TVtropes anymore for goodness' sake! I remember back when things were simple. But you've changed. Over the updates, you've kept changing how you look. You never needed to do that, I always thought your layout was beautiful, really. But now you've gone for some big, gaudy, "O" in strawberry red. I wished that this could work, but I think we both just want different things. I've realized that what's special about you isn't exactly you-exclusive. I remember loving your "speed dial" feature, how I could just click, and suddenly go where I needed to, but, Opera, it just isn't the same. I've discovered bookmarks. Histories, even.

I remember your adblocker. That was really the last gasp of my surfing with you. I really did love it. Just a click or two, and suddenly I didn't need to be distracted by racy images on the Internet. I felt safe. But it's all fallen apart, Opera, it's all fallen apart. You can't stop imvu, you can't even hold back Evony! Evony, Opera, listen to what I'm saying! I'm sorry opera. I've just moved on. There's someone else. She's got a fiery disposition. And I'll be honest, she is a bit of a fox. I'm sorry Opera, but I've got to be honest with you. Firefox means what she says. When she says no to an ad, she means it, it isn't back immediately, and she can even stop any ad like it. For good. She can randomize pages. I don't know why you can't, maybe you've got some issues to work through. True, she doesn't have your speed dial, but that's something I'll have to live with, each browser is different. There's a lot I don't know about her, there's room for growth past where we hit the glass ceiling. Goodbye, Opera. I'm sorry, but I really think this is what is best for both of us. I... I'll see you around. Perhaps there is room for growth in the future, but, right now, this really just isn't... Goodbye.

"A good memory is not so good as a little ink" - Chinese proverb (which I will now quote whenever someone hassles me about writing on my arms :P)

Microwaves.

2009-09-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

I think this is one of those things that is totally from the future that we take for granted in that regard. It's a little box that you put your cold, icy food into, press a few buttons with a "beep-beep-dee-boop", wait a minute or two, and suddenly your dish is appealing and steaming with heat. Once again, after some more satisfying beeping.

"I can repel a compliment with the best of them, karate blocking kind words back out into the atmosphere even as you try to share them about something I've done. But I treat the negative comments like P-Diddy at a night club. "Right this way sir. Here's the VIP section of my heart. Enjoy your stay." - "Prodigal Jon" - Stuff Christians Like

Lisbon.

2009-09-23T09:31:00.001-07:00

So I'm reading over the whole Lisbon treaty thang because I'm 18 now, and that means I can vote. But this treaty troubles me. Mostly because it is huge. It is like instead of asking you what you want for dinner tonight, setting out what you will be having for dinner for the next three years and seeing if you agree or not. It's like: "Oh, well, this means we'll have universal rights. Woo universal rights!" but then there's bits of: "So, workers' wages and immigration will be free reign as we see fit." And then it's not so woo.

And the explanations. THE EXPLANATIONS. I don't know who wrote these things. I don't know if there is an interesting way to get these things across. But man, they have about two flavours: "No citations whatsoever" Where they basically say "So, this thing is great, because of A, B, and C." But they could be offering me Free ice cream day on Wednesday every week and I wouldn't know if it was really on the treaty or not. This applies for the opposition as well where they say the same thing, only with "lame" instead of "great". The second flavor is effectively, the Lisbon treaty. They like, took out a few sentences here and there, but you are effectively reading a considerably-sized novel about the history of the entire freakin' thing. Yes, I understand it's been around for a while, but at this stage it's just a toddler slamming the square cube into the star-shaped hole in his toy box. And for some reason every human being who explains it is always a 60 year old man with thick-rimmed glasses, grey hair, and a voice that could cure insomnia worldwide.

At the end of the day, it doesn't really make a difference what they say, because either it'll work or it wont. Hitler didn't start his campaign bragging about all the bombs that would be dropped on people's houses, and the Civil rights movement never knew that it would soar to the election of a black president. I see all these signs saying: "Lisbon: FOR JOBS" and then four feet down the road saying: "Lisbon: AGAINST JOBS". I suppose the real question is "Do you trust the EU?" And that is a very tricky question indeed. I think they need to break it up, have us vote on "Li" "Sb" and "On", so that you don't end up having to simultaneously secure human rights and screw over your foreign policy with your one vote.

What they need is a youtube video made by two amateurs rapping about what Lisbon means in underneath three minutes. At least one of whom must be black as per youtube's unwritten rule for all comedy groups.

"I'm not one to make political statements........... ........ ........ ..... ." - Jonathan Coulton -The President Song

22/5

2009-09-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, I ran 4.4 miles. Wait, that sounds like I'm bragging. Wait, I think it is. But I'm not going to use the backspace key because it's more expressive that way. Is it? Dear God, here we go again. I just took the Lord's name in vain. Shouldn't do that. So I've been studying for about 2 hours a day now because it's sixth year and. Wait. No. I'm trying to learn how to do english thingamajigs properly, so we're going to start over. That's right. This is 22/5 take two.

I'm trying to be more coherent in my blog posts as of late. I've heard that my blogs can be very difficult to understand and a little too rambly, which has put friends of mine off of reading it. Which makes sense to me. So I shall forgo the undistilled spewing forth of my thoughts like thick, black, crude oil, and try to create some fuel which is more useful, some food for thought that can be digested. So, calmly, I'm gonna try to go through one thought. This thought will be written about running 4.4 miles, but really it's going to be about a little more than that.

So, as I testified on Facebook some weeks ago, I had ran the 2.2 mile run our school offers during cross country periods. I had ran it without stopping to walk. And I was "Pretty well chuffed". This week, we were given the option to run it twice, and I decided to go for it. Lately, I have been trying to be more healthy as of late. I bike about 6/7 days a week for about 15 minutes, and as the fellow junior he-leaders of the 10-12's camp will testify to, I have been doing weights as well. As my friend Michael so eloquently put it: "You know what Lorcan? Being healthy is overrated. You're just going to live a lot longer, and then we're all going to die. And then you'll just be alive, and it'll be lame." I do love Mike! Being fit has always really been a bit of a bit of a point of contention for me.

Mostly for body image reasons. Which is something that guys aren't that well renowned for dealing with, but there you go. Ironically, not that I have problems with looking unfit. Indeed, I'm quite comfortable at leisure with what I have described as my "noodle arms". Some of the happiest periods of my life have taken place when I am incapable of doing more than one pull-up. I find it easy to have no problems with my appearance at my leisure when I am not making an effort. Because I really, truly believe the human body is a beautiful thing all by itself.

I mean, really. We are the most beautiful machines that we have ever known. Thinking about it, we are capable of so many, many things. Allow me to set a baseline. The baseline is the other 99.9999% of creation. Think pluto. Think barren, frigid nothingness in which not even bacteria can survive. Our bodies are absolutely saturated with muscles, able to move and curl, bend and twist, and what's more, exert a force on this world. Our bodies are so insanely complex that it takes years and years and years and years of study to really understand them. We have a system to take in energy to keep us going, a system to let us feel pain and receive feedback from our surroundings, a system to think and keep thinking and think about thinking and the past, present and future. I could go on and on and on, but I won't. I suppose I find us pretty darn impressive, is all.

The problem arises when tension comes into the equation. At total rest, I have no problem concentrating on this facet of our beauty in complexity. But when one starts trying to improve upon oneself, to try and put some ornaments on one's temple, it can get rather consuming. The trouble is the up and down. As one notices bodily improvements, it is natural to rejoice. But once you seek the ups, one can't help but notice the downs. Sure, you've lost weight, but what about that face? Sure, there's been an increase in muscle mass, but what about that stomach? It's always been a problem for me. In years past, I've just given up, because I don't like grey. I much prefer black or white. All-consuming Ferver, or total apathy. But now, I am trying to do what Rob Bell would describe as: "Living in the tension". Briefly explained, this means that instead of sitting in one camp or another, you do the harder, healthier part and try to seek balance rather than comfort. And that's what I'm trying to do. And you're all invited to the gun show! (Please note, if I am to ever go *BAM!* while putting on display any part of my body, it is my wish, being of sound mind and body that I am to be instantly brought to, and disposed of, in the nearest incinerator.)

So I've completely forgotten what I was going to say about running. Probably something about how nifty it is or something, I can't even remember. And no, I haven't forgotten that I'm supposed to finish my post about camp, I'm just choosing to deliberately ignore it!

"There's Luke, consuming American soil!" - Mantage.

Bling bling, Cracka!

2009-09-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I'm running out of titles for these things. Whew! First week of 6th year finished. Dear Lord, it was tiring. I think it's just a matter of me getting back into "Not playing TF2 all day" mode, but holy CRAP, I've never been busier! It was a pretty stressful week, not gonna lie. But in a side note, try asking your friends to pray for you when times are tough, it actually helps! That sounds kinda obvious, but seriously, I asked a friend to pray for me during this week and it's actually made a huge difference in my day-to-day stress and stuff! Our God is an awesome God indeed.

I've taken to writing on my arms, dear Nicoley got me a nifty rub-on to-do list which I used this week in lieu of a homework journal. The trouble with it was, you couldn't rub things off the list once you had written them down due to the adhesive's effect on your skin, so I'm thinking of re-writing it with things to do that I'll never really finish ie: "Lorcan's to-do list: Pray for . Relax! God is with you. Don't worry or be afraid. Work hard, it'll pay off. . ." And the like. I actually have taken to writing down the first initials of people I try to pray for, it actually helps! Especially in times like these, with fear of swine flu, I'm looking at my wrists every other second with all the hand sanitizing that's going on.

Christian Union's going to be starting off in October. Yikes and not yikes, in some respects. Me and Nicoley are going to be running the asylum, which is actually pretty cool, but also a fair bit of responsibility. I tend to like some responsibility these days though. (Some). We've got most ideas sorted and whatnot so we're doing as little extra work as possible, it being 6th year and all. Still yet to settle on a day that suits most people and especially teachers. And CU leader's weekend away is happening in Ovoca next week, so that'll be pretty rad as well.

I'm heading over to Nexus' for this weekend, which is going to be fun! It's going to be Me, Phil, Damian, Jane, and Cat. So that's pretty rad. Holy crapola though, busy schedules, people! I think I am saying "pretty rad" too much. I am trying to improve my grammar, if only for the sake of my English grade this year. But it is trying work, like growing pains or kneading dough. All the same, Phil's should be good craic, with Metal gear solid 4 aplenty, friends, and, uh... Metal gear solid 4 aplenty!

Team fortress 2 has become a veritable touchstone of calmness for me, of late. I haven't actually played it this week though. Me, Mike, Damian, and Phil all have accounts on it now, after much request on my part, akin to Nicoley's hijacking of four friends to start blogs. But also akin to said hijacking, this has turned out well, we get together, join a team, lag out, backstab, yell, shoot, yell, and blast our way to victory and good times for all. I feel I am starting to develop a real sense of brotherhood with these 3 guys. A real, encouraging, and strong friendship, and that is really great for me. We occasionally half-joke about moving in together from time to time, which would be pretty rad were such a thing to actually develop, "Blue like Jazz" Style. We'd all be friends, then enemies, then hate each other, and then we'd all be closer than brothers by the end of it. Do I smell sitcom?

"Hooked into Machine/ Hooked into Machine/ Hooked into Machine/ I'm hooked into/ hooked into Machine." -Regina Spektor "Machine" (I've had it stuck in my head the past two days.)

Also, I am kinda getting into listening to the occasional bit of worship music. I have some German stuff, which makes me laugh and smile to myself because the only things I can understand are "Danke" and "Jesus".

Things I would have said on twitter were there not too much to say.

2009-09-02T12:44:00.000-07:00

Recently, I got two flat tires two days in a row on two different bikes. Pain in the face, I'll tell you what. The first day, actually, resulted in quite a beautiful walk home, I walked in the softest rains, and through blurried glasses I saw two rainbows, the illusion ending only metres in front of me, the end of the rainbow within my grasp. I saw red blackberries ripening and wondered at patience, ran my hand over softly tickling leaves. People usually say I look depressed when I am merely thinking, but at this time, I wore a smile as I marveled at natures wonders. And I also shared a warm smile with a businessman in a fancy suit. So that was pretty sweet.

Today, I had to fix the two of them. New bike, and the Bonerattler, my mom's old bike, with no shocks. This was kinda tricky. Bicycle repair is one of those skills that I do so rarely that I must always work to recall it, yet frequent enough for me to still retain a sizable proportion of the information. It felt like what it was; maintenance. Like massaging a sore leg or trimming a beard, I felt like I was taking care of a part of myself. I think me trying to repair my bike is kind of like God repairing me. It takes a good bit of time to fix any one problem, and it'll eventually run into problems again, and it's ultimate physical end is death by wearing away, but with work, and in time, it can be a wonderful tool for it's purposes. I didn't mean to end the blog on a serious note, so I won't!

Phrases I thought or said while fixing the bike:

Gorram Bikes.
You stupid, stupid bike!
What's wrong? What's the matter?
Blasted Vulcanization.
Mr. Snail, did you eat my washer?

I find talking to whatever you're trying to fix is very good for maintaining patience. Turns out, the snail did eat my washer, the blasted thing crawled right over it, and when I picked him up, there it was attached to his slimy underside. Pretty interesting stuff. I set him down outside to let him on his merry way, and then accidentally stepped on him as I left the garage. It's a strange thing to accidentally end something's life. I mean, I'm not shedding any tears over it, but it's just uncanny that you can end something's existance without even noticing it, except perhaps for a helpless crunch beneath your feet.

My last two weeks.

2009-08-30T02:15:00.000-07:00

So, as some have you will no doubt know if you read Nicole's Blog, or talk to me at all, or have secretly been stalking me, I have been up in Ovoca for the last two weeks. The first week was working as a "Junior leader" (which admittedly sounds a little pants, like we'd have to wear badges or something, but it was actually quite the awesome) at a 10-12s camp ran by our very own Andrew Gill. The second week was RAW (Real Authentic Warriors), a 16-21's camp which would turn out to be also quite the awesome. But firstly!

In the weeks and days running up to the camp, we had some get-togethers and barbecues, which was a pretty good idea on Andrew's part, his camps always have a real personal, bonding kinda feel to them. We did some videos (video) in preparation for the camp's theme: "Road Trip!". We made some signs, and then we finished it all off with a barbecue with some severely undercooked chicken. Blood gurgled up through the skin once you took a bite. I'd much rather have overcooked than undercooked. Eve would be at this camp, and we once dated, but I wasn't really as anxious about this situation as I would have thought I would have been.

Mise:"Ooooh, hey, can I have some gum?"
Eve:"NO! NEVER! YoubrokemyheartandIllneverforgiveyouforwhatyoud- Yeah, ok, here's some gum! :)"

She's a strange sort of lass. Really.

It is on these notes of day-to-day doldrums that this camp began on. No crowning achievements or sorrows to be brought with me, only my stumbling, continuous steps towards Christ and all he's about.

I forgot to bring my Aperture Laboratories Mug, I'm sad to say. We opened up with some Xbox and lazing around, which was good times for all, it's a real honor to see Nicole grow in her shmaaad xbox skillz, and a joy as always to be "That guy" who plays the game too much and wins most rounds. Campers soon arrived, and nicknames were in need of creation. Most everybody had a name picked out at this stage, but I was still flailing about trying to think of one. And then I thought of one. "Faceplant". You need a facebook account to follow that link, but I would reccomend following it, because it involves me landing on my face, which is good times for everyone, really. The trick is to jump, and roll. I remembered to jump. And then I landed on my face. And then it went on the internet. The next logical progression is that someone makes a dance remix out of it, but that hasn't happened yet (thankfully).

I was assigned to be a leader under the supervision of Ruben Tita, a good friend of mine who is usually a complete messer! I'd have to say he was probably the most "interesting" leader at that camp, so I was looking forward to working with him with eager hesitance, if that makes sense. I was assigned 3 kids who I've led before, from my church youth group that I help out at, as well as some new ones I hadn't met before. For once, I was actually pretty good at names, which is a marked improvement from this time last year when I had a notepad and went around writing people's names and general hairstyle and colour down in a notepad. Marked improvement.

Camp went well, I do actually quite enjoy leading of the children people, although it was really very tiring. I agreed with my group (whose names I memorized after about two days, I'm pleased to say! I like to think Jesus is giving me the skillz I need.) to get in the plunge pool with them in the morning (which would earn our team double points). But only if they went to sleep without staying up until three in the morning being loud and noisy and all it is that 10-12 year old children naturally do. This agreement lasted about half the week, before I just could not get myself up in the morning to do it. I think it was for the best though. I have a tendency to overwork myself in certain situations, and it really wasn't good for me. I felt like a canvas washed clean of it's painting, ready to have whatever scribblings my tired and doubt-ridden mind wished to scrawl.

And it is on those notes that I hit the mid point of the week, tired, stressed, and tired. I have this habit of usually worrying about things. That sounded redundant. Here is an example of how my mind works at it's worst.

Are you sitting on a chair? Ok. How long will that chair keep you up for? Sure, it's holding you up now, but for all you know, it could collapse at any second. You don't know everything there is to know about that chair. Quick! Get out and check it, try to make it better, even if only for your own peace of mind.

Said line of thinking troubles me in multiple aspects of life, from relationships to the future to myself, to who I want to be, to decisions, just loads of stuff, I guess. I don't like not knowing things, because then I'm afraid I'll do something wrong, and I don't like doing stuff wrong. So I get it in my head that if I think (worry) about it enough, I'll find the answers I'm looking for, and then I won't have to do anything wrong. Not very clever, but that's where I was at emotionally as the camp sat around the bonfire that evening, with group singing and good times for all (most).

"The leaders all act so differently. How am I supposed to know how I'm supposed to lead? What Am I supposed to do? I don't want to lead them astray."
*Everywhere we go-oh!*
*Everywhere we go-oh!*
"Eugh, what a freaking messed up concept to begin with, not knowing how to act. It's paralyzing. There's so many different people I could be, and I don't know who I want to be. Are some of them wrong?"
*people wanna know-oh!*
*people wanna know-oh!*
"Should I even be leading if I'm uncertain about these things?"
*Who we aaa-re!*
*Who we aaa-re!*"
"That kid's messing. If I punish him, he'll stop. If I reprimand him, he might also stop. If I leave him be, he might keep going or stop. If I encourage him, he'll continue. Should he stop? He's not hurting anybody. Yet. That could change, the messing could spread and get worse. What should I do? Please, someone else, do something. (Someone stopped him messing :P)"
*And where do we come from*
*And where do we come from*
"Oooh, hot chocolate"
*So we tell them*
*So we tell them*
"Just stare at the fire. 'What? No, I'm fine, thanks.'"
*We're from Ovoca!*
*We're from Ovoca!*
"I think I'd rather be anywhere than here right now. I just want to run away and come back sorted so I don't have to feel this way."
*Happy happy Ovoca!*
*Happy happy Ovoca!*
"I think I might cry."
*And if they can't hear us?*
*And if they can't hear us?*
"Don't run away. Stay here. It's hard, but you're of use. Just stick it out, things will get better. *sigh*"

Yes, I was not a very happy bunny that evening. I actually did end up just curling up under the stairs and crying that evening, which probably isn't a very pretty mental picture for people, but that's life! In fairness, I think it's safe to say that my plight was 3 parts actual problem and 2 parts tiredness, but all the same, that's how I felt at the time.

The next night was better. The next day went well, I started skipping plunge pool and excercise in favor of sleeping, to alleviate aforementioned tiredness. The day went as usual, until the evening, when me and Ruben had to put the kids to bed. We were pacing back and forth as usual, dishing out the occasional "Shh!" Where needed, And I sat down on one of unused beds for silent prayer and thought, which is all there really is to do in a dark room. I thought back to my youth, when I was just a kid. I remembered my first babysitter, Steven. He was a good guy. I remembered being at that age when even knowing one of "The big kids" was a tremendous privilege of trembling honor. Let alone having one take interest in you and joke and play games with you! Even in his free time, he always kept an eye out for me and my brother. At barbecues and other neighborhood gatherings of that kind, he'd make a note of coming and seeing how we were doing. I remembered asking him for tips on how to get past a tough level in Legend of Zelda, I even remembered what he smelt like. Which might sound strange, but to a young boy, even the smell of a human in transience from boy to man was something of wonder and intrigue.

And now, I was 18. I was in Steven's shoes. They were me. The leaders I met at my first 13-15's, I was them. In their place. In their power and ability and rank and privilege. Just by being me. Even though the kids were kinda crazy from time to time, I realized that I was now given the opportunity, the tremendous opportunity to be that force in these kids lives. A force of positivity, each interaction having the possibility to leave a mark on that child, good or bad. The power to be memorable to them, maybe even one day for them to look back in my position and see that cycle of growth and life. I was overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness to God for this, all of it. Joy at seeing how each of us leaders had this ability, thankfulness for being given such a truly amazing opportunity, and to be honest, a certain ease at realizing Steven probably didn't have his life sorted when he babysat us either. I just continually bowed and thanked God in my head for how this moment had touched my heart, it was a real eye-opener and heart-softener for me. Kids the next day commented on how I had been so sneaky, hiding between the beds. I rallied my courage and explained to them the situation of my thankfulness. The words I said left them contemplative, and I felt a certain triumph.

Many other things happened that week, but this is the bulk of them. And I think if I dragged this post out any longer, it'd reach the sun. There's my first week.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2009-08-07T15:59:00.001-07:00

So, I just got back from seeing the above, ticket paid courtesy of my dear old dad, who occaisionally pays for cinema tickets, from time to time, when we're going as a family. Spoilers to follow.

"G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" has about all the subtlety and attraction of an explosion in tight-fitting spandex. That's not really much of a metaphor either, because about half of the movie is either an explosion or tight-fitting spandex. We sat down to watch it, due to my brother's interest. "If only to see how much they it up", as he said. I sat down, knowing this was going to just be an action flick, and well, that was pretty much what I got.

The characters are about as simple as it gets, character development is about as linear as railroad tracks, though you can see they did at least attempt an effort, insofar as to loosely leave a sticky note saying: "Yeah, yeah, we know. But at least there's explsions, right?". The only real non-exploding plot there is is the mysterious, yet frankly predictable relationship between the male protagonist and the female antagonist. There's a token twist here and there, but it's all fairly predictable.

And the movie is stupid. Really, really, really stupid. Like, about as clever and rational as something by Jack Chick. Weapons wielded by the good guys and bad guys really only function as the plot needs them to. Example: In the beginning, the bad guys, who can only really be described as an army of mooks based on the "Army of Two". They are impervious, unstoppable, bullet-proof killing machines, armed with Some sort of sonic weapon that can overturn army humvees, and oddly, cause explosions for no real justifiable reason. Now, I turn to my main man Newton's third law: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". Shots from these guns can flip transports weighing tons and tons, yet there is no kickback. I have fired a gun, before, ladies and gentlemen, and I can tell you, even the modest .22 calibre gives a little nudge when fired. About 15 minutes into the movie, I realised that there had been about 30 explosions in about 2 minutes, so I knew what I was getting myself into.

But then, the GI Joe team come in to save the day, with what one can only presume is some sort of superior bullets, because these previously impervious badasses now start getting gunned down left, right, and centre. But not before seriously threatening and nearly killing the only female member of the team, just to keep that masculine vibe going.

Later on, after some flashbacks, the bad guys invade the good guys' base, ninjas fight, turns out the ninjas are brothers or something, yadda yadda yadda, and once again, we see those sonic weapons. But now, our lovely protagonists can withstand a full-force shot from one of those to the chest and just shrug it off. Didn't those things cause explosions? Cripes!

Then, we go to Paris, and the bad guys have some nanoweapon thing. The good guys get some fancy exoskeleton suits, and start chase. They literally tear through the streets chasing this other car, crushing cars, buildings, and more cars as they go on their merry jog through the capital of France. Then, they take out miniguns and freaking open fire on the bad guys' car in the middle of the street. The main character feels massive regret over the death of one of his soldiers' deaths four years ago, but hey! Don't worry about that little 6-year old girl you clipped in the shoulder with a stray shot, no sir-ee! Little Franchesca will be just fine, and don't worry about all the car wrecks you caused, they're fine. And that building you just "Made a door" with? Don't worry about the collateral damage! Their insurance policy covers "FREEDOM"!
I can't help but feel that someone on the team was slyly trying to make some political commentary on America's problems with foreign policy. Oh, and the Eiffel Tower gets destroyed by the nanoweapon. But who cares! It wasn't the statue of liberty. Then again, maybe they really did care, what with launching explosive missles and opening gattling guns in civilian areas, I mean, that nanoweapon could have destroyed a building or something!

And then, right at the end, after all's said and done and we've gotten through all the flashbacks and character development and quickly-tied up romances, we find ourselves in the COBRA base, underneath the polar ice caps! But gasp! They're going to issue a self-destruct sequence! They're going to... 'Blow the icecap'? That must be code for setting off explosives in the base. Ah yes, it's showing a flashing screen of the base. Wait, but it's just lighting up a bunch of little red dots around the ice sheet above the base. Wait. Please, please no. No. No. Please don't. Yes, yes you are. But... Ugh. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they're going to blow up the ice above the underwater base, and the ice will then fall and crush the base. Yes. That's right. The icecaps above the water will sink to the bottom, crushing the base. I found myself involuntarily cringing at this flagrant upheaval of not only science, but basic common sense. Ice. Floats. What in the name of Cthulhu was holding it up before? Hope? Steel Girders? The Kyoto protocol? I could feel Al Gore's heart silently break as I saw the polar icecaps sink underwater, defying a lesson anyone has learned when the put ice in a glass of water.

*sigh*

All that said, the movie had good action sequences. Yes, they did play up the fact they had two attractive-looking young ladies on the cast, but thankfully, they didn't sink to the frankly shameful depths of Transformers 2 with Megan Fox. Genuinely, most of the effects were fairly jaw-dropping, at least a few times, and the action sequences were quite intense, with a balanced blend of generic japanese swordplay, some cool gunfights, and yes, the aformentioned explosions every 5 minutes. Truth be told, I thought it was better than Transformers 2. Truth be told, I thought it was just beneath Harry Potter 6. It's got about no plot, cardboard cutout characters (for the most part, though there's the occaisional twist), but if your dad's paying for the ticket, then turn off your brain, sit down, turn off your brain, get ready for some explosions, turn off your brain, and enjoy the cheesy one-liners, entertaining action, and EXPLOSIONS.

They've got ninjas!

-Ka-BOOM! -The Demoman, Team fortress 2.

A bizzare and unique experience.

2009-07-31T03:06:00.000-07:00

So, I've been blogging more often. It almost sounds like a dietary supplement, like: "Blogging regularly has been scientifically proven to help reduce cholesterol along with a balanced diet."

Speaking of freaky-stupid diets, I'm kinda on one. It's called: "food combining". Firstly, I know what you're all thinking, and I want you to know, I'm right there with you. I'm not much of one for "miracle cures" or "alternative remedies", because they generally just sound like snake oil to me. But, due to my mom's recent illness, she's placed herself on this method of eating because it helps her with abdominal pain, and stuff like that. She prepares unique meals for herself, and she offered to make some for me if I was interested. Truthfully, I kinda was. From her explanation, it kinda made sense, and I think that how most of us eat todat could be considered unhealthy (well, depending on how you eat!). Not that I'm eating especially healthy right now, but, well, to sum up: It was a new fangled thing, and I thought : "I'll give it a go!" And if it doesn't do anything, screw it. And if it does do some good things but is too big a restriction, still screw it. But if it works without too much fuss, hey, sure, why not.

The general idea is that certain foods don't digest well when mixed together, which makes enough sense, I suppose. Our mouth produces alkaline secretions to aid in the breakdown of starchy foods like potatoes and various other foods, and our stomach produces acid to aid in the breakdown of other different types of foods. And as any chemist would tell you, alkaline substances and acidic substances cancel each other out. So that's bad for the breakdown of foods and whatnot. The proposed solution is to try to eat conflicting food types seperately, like not having proteins and starches together in the same meal, or protiens with fats or oils. That's the idea, anyway. Interestingly, you can have green vegetables with just about anything else on the face of the planet, so that's prompted me to start eating more veggies, I had my first tuna fish salad a few days ago, I may even work my way up to tomatoes. But one step at a time, I don't want to do anything crazy, now. :P

I don't have fantastic digestion, so I thought I'd give it a go. If anyone's ever sat through a quiet movie with me, they can testify that my stomach makes a great series of noises, which are equal parts curious and frightening. Obviously I was relatively fine before I started the diet, so there's not really that much in need of fixing, but, hey! I'll try anything once, if it's beneficial. I'm usually quite hesitant about things like this, I always imagine specific diets to be almost like religions, where you try to convert people and stuff, resulting in a horde of atkins people outside your door, shambling about, murmuring "one of us, one of us", repeatedly. So I'm remaining rather cynical about the whole experience. You can still mix foods if you want, like the occaisional sunday roast with mashed potatoes, but the idea is to generally adhere to the plan. I'll know the tree by it's fruits; if it helps, hooray. If there's no positive change, out the window it goes. So that's my wacky new thing.

BUT! Not what I originally wanted to talk about. Ever been part of a dying world? It's a once-in a lifetime experience, really. Here's an example: Yes, quite a bizzare experience indeed. I had one of these recently, in a game of Team Fortress 2. Quite strage. Mid-game the server shut down, freezing everything. My turret, enemies, allies, even my arm was frozen across the screen, still in mid-swing, with a wrench in hand. The upper-right hand corner of my screen displayed "Server connection lost: terminating in 27.45 seconds." Sometimes it's just a spot of lag, and the game kicks back into gear, like a sputtering engine, and the game continues. But this was not one of those times. It was strange, looking around, knowing that even in this simulated world, it was all going to end. The very fabric upon which we were existing would unravel and cease to exist, with us ejected from the server, into some sort of multiplayer purgatory. All characters were frozen mid-action, I could see the fire erupting from a pyro's flamethrower to defend a sniper, it was all just so surreal, as the timer rapidly shrunk to nothing, ejecting me from the server. Bizzare. Similar scenario in one of my fave video games, "Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask". The world is ending, and everyone is panicking, some in denial, some seeking nothing more than reconcilliation to see the end of the world with their loved ones, it's all so strange. Just interesting that through this medium, we can experience something that in theory, we should only ever know once: The end of the world. Just an interesting thing to go through, really.
Oh, and PS: Just in a further thing about how Obama is pretty awesome, look up "beer summit" on google. He decided to help resolve an issue that represents so much tension in american society about racial inequality by taking the two parties, the instigtor and the instigated, and invited them up to the white house to try and talk it through over beers. That, ladies and gentlemen, is what I would consider a step in the right direction.

"It's the end of the world as we know it/ It's the end of the world as we know it/ and I feel fiiiiiiiine" - R.E.M. "End of the world as we know it"

Dee en Dee

2009-07-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

Had Dungeons and Dragons today with some friends. It was a good day. I'm a level 7 wizard, and after playing paladins for ever and ever, I'm actually quite pleased with the change of pace. But on another note:

I went to DnD after seeing "The hangover" with some friends today, it was your generic crude comedy with wacky hijinks, male bonding and moderate sex. But the point I'm trying to make is, more and more I'm starting to feel grateful for my friends. Just from having someone to talk to to calm you down, to having people to hang out with, someone to share part of your life with, and someone whose life you can share with, it's just quite wonderful. We were walking down to the shops today to get some groceries for the DM's parents (we're nerds, I know!), and as we walked through a grassy field on the way, I looked behind me and noticed the most brilliant sunset, the clouds like tiny yellow fires spread sparsely across the horizon. I turned to see my friends walking with me, the entire world cast in a faint yellow glow, and I settled on a gaze for each friend, wanting to remember this moment, to lock it away as a memory, perhaps to keep me going through hard times when they come. A stage in life where we were all still quite new to shaving, each of us displaying some small quantity of the stubble of a young man, each on our own journey, but for now, together, as evening set, I felt truly happy. Not the sort of happy that is over-the-moon with exitement, but rather a certain happy contentment at knowing that I was blessed enough to have friendships with these people, to be a part of their existance, and to be friends.

"Pet weasels? God, they're like, living scarves, basically." - Alex Mac, our beloved DM.

U2 at Croke Park!

2009-07-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

Ah blog, I call upon you late at night with no prior warning at my own whim, like some sort of literary booty-call. Forgive me, people who read this, I've become far too lazy as of late, to the point where any activity seems like too much activity for me. So now let me tell you about tonight's activity.My dad is still good friends with the Edge's brother, so our family was given tickets to the upcoming U2 gig at croke park. My mom is/was sick, so she couldn't make it. My brother, for whatever reason, decided he didn't want to go. I can understand not being crazy about U2, but I mean really, what else was there to do? And it was free! free. I have a saying about free things. "If it's free, it's mine."

So it was just me and my dad who went to the gig. We ventured forth at about five o clock, got the luas into town, and got some tasty-awesome dinner at Yamamori's, on the quays. We then started the long trek to croke park. The opening band was the Kaiser Chiefs, and I could hear them singing "Rub-ay rub-ay rub-ay! ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhh" as we approached the stadium. "This", I thought to myself, "Is gonna be sweet.". And sweet it was. We shuffled our way through the stadium, and as we went up the stairs into the opening, I saw it. it. The claw. THE CLAWWWWW. What I saw was beyond words, because it is too awesome to be adequately described. There is a picture of it here. You'd have to be there to fully experience the sheer prescence of this titantic metal monstrosity. It did a great manner of kickass things as the night progressed, which I will expand upon as I go. Upon first seeing it though, I was convinced that it would actually uproot itself and go on a rampage of destruction, like something out of "War of the Worlds".

Kaiser Chiefs were quite good, they played a good few songs from "Employment", my favorite (and only) album of theirs. Ricky Wilson, the lead singer, really brough a heaping dose of energy and exitement to the stage, jumping and swinging about like some sort of rock orangutang, he did this nifty thing during "I predict a riot", where he jumped up and down, but to maintain a good vocal read with the mike, actually swiveled his head around the mike as he jumped, it was quite interesting! He was actually rendered breathless at points. Then they walked off, and we waited a good 45 minutes for U2 to show up.

Now would be a good time for me to express my opinions towards U2. I like them, but I don't love them. I'd listen to them, but I'm not so enamoured by their music that I'd replay whole albums repeatedly. I prefer their older stuff, to be honest, but I know that most everything they've done is great. They're just one of those bands that I know are really good, and clearly they have talent, but they just don't sway me the right way. As for now, the only bands I could really say I loved are Relient k and Regina spektor, but that's another story. I like U2 though, and Live, they are amazing.

The show started off with Larry Mullen banging the drums as the rest of the crew came on stage, and started playing. The 360 video things was awesome, and I do mean awesome. It extended down for "City of Blinding lights", almost encompassing the band as they whammed away on their instruments, with multicoloured lights whizzing around them. Aweome. Bono almost seemed like a worship leader at times with some of the songs, I'm always suprised when I rediscover how spiritual their music is. It's pretty nifty. The concert was great! I can't really say much more than that. Well, I could, but I'm not going to. Music was great, and the giant claw was just a fantastic piece of engineering in the truest sense of the word.
About halfway through the concert, my dad recieved a text from Dick, asking if we would like to attend the afterparty. Obviously we answered yes, and after the concert was over, after much ka-rocking, we mosied our way over to the round room, where the party was being held. Me and my dad just sat around, in relative obscurity in a room full of people we didn't quite know, my dad would occaisionally point out people he was friends with before he moved to america, old acquaintances. We toiled away in obsurity taking advantage of the open bar, until my dad struck up conversation with one of dick's brothers, who then introduced us to his wife, and his other brother, and his wife, and they discovered that they attended the same sailing club, and a gay old time was struck up talking about boats and whatnot. I was shyly pleased with myself to be introduced with pride by my father as "My son", he seemed to relish introducing me, each time as though to point to some achievement and say: "I am responsible." It was an endearing experience.
And then Dick came up to the afterparty, walked directly over to us, and said: "Hey, would you like to come with me?". We certainly didn't argue. We walked around the park, found an elevator, and descended into the inner workings of croke park, through what appeared a bleak industrial complex. We walked past fancy black hummers, shining with importance, though I couldn't help feeling somewhat endangered by the sparse surroundings. We walked through a wooden door, and like Narnia, we were instantly transported into a place of wonder and whimsy, what I can only describe as a real "Backstage" kind of experience, with perfect lighting and crystal-styled chandeliers. I surveyed the room, my eyes hungering for celebrity.

And then, I saw the Edge. I freaked out, in my own mind, to some degree. I believe that the occurance of celebrity is overrated, the concept of people being so intensely popular for impressive, but often disproportionate reasons. However, that was all bollocks to me at this stage, my brain going: "Ohmygawditstheedgeheplaysthosesongsyoulistentoonyouripodsometimesandhesbeenaroundtheworldandplayedforfancypeopleandholycrapisthathowhereallydresses!"
I realised, and then enquired hurriedly and quietly: "Dad, I can't remember the real names of any of the band members, what do I do?"
"David is the Edge, Paul is Bono, Larry is the Drummer, and Adam plays the base.", he said, understandingly.

We stood around and chatted with more of my dad's old friends, I learned the story behind his nickname, "Tiger Hunter", apparently they all had nicknames back in the day, ie: The edge and Bono. In short order, David came over to me and my dad, and eyed me with some reasonable amount of notice, as he and my dad talked. My dad introduced me to him, and I shook his hand, sputtering: "I'm Lorcan, I really love your guitar playing, it's beautiful!!!!" (durrrrr). He and my dad continued talking, and The Edge would occaisionally glance at me with interest, I must have looked pretty starstruck, I suppose! We talked for only a few minutes, he asked me about school and the like, my dad informed me that I was planning to stay in Ireland, and he said of that: "Well, That's a good vote for ireland." He asked me if I enjoyed High School, and I told him about our school's policy against long hair, and he spake thusly: "Well, that's a pain in the arse". If our school re-attempts to change the policy on long hair, I guarantee we will use this quote in our campaign. He then had some important-looking person come up to him, whisper something in his ear, and then bid us farewell, off to do something awesome, one would presume. I bore a slack-jawed grin to my dad, and he went: "Yeah, pretty, cool, ain't it?" I then shuffled off to use the bathroom, and washed my hands. Then I realised I washed the hand The Edge shook, with some small note of dissapointment. I went back outside, hung out with my Dad and his friends, occaisionally looking over to see The Edge talking to somebody else, relishing the proximity to a celebrity, trying to form a lasting memory. He was funny, but normal. The kind of man I suppose one would be able to have a good time with, a "mate". But, interestingly, not hilarious. He was just like any other friendly, funny person you'd meet, except he is freakin' awesome at guitar.

In the taxicab ride home, my dad explained how he grew up with them, and explained to me how The Edge got his nickname: He was a shy young man growing up, usually remaining on the periphery of social groups, always on the edge. What a kickass nickname for such an unremarkable trait! I imagined swords, knives, living life on the edge, but the truth was much more interesting and endearing. My dad explained: He had always been a nice guy, and noted: "Did you see any of the other band members talking to other people?" "No." (The edge was the only one even there.) "Exactly. He's always been a good guy." In retrospect, that really was an incredibly kind thing to do, to hang out and take an interest in someone of little importance to you, because it would make their day. Pretty nifty guy all around. It was nice to hang out with my dad and get to know him better too. And the music was awesome too, but in honesty, for me, all three events were of equal importance: Music, meeting the edge, and getting to know my dad. It was a good night.

"Well, that's a pain in the arse" - David Howell Evans "The Edge" on the subject of The High School Rathgar's policy against hair beyond collar length for boys.

So... Beautiful...

2009-07-13T19:10:00.001-07:00

Read This Article

While Listening to This Song.

These two wonderful things came together simultaneously in my life. Godspeed, space bat. Godspeed.

Bath time!

2009-07-11T12:24:00.001-07:00

Ahhhhh. Take a deep breath. And exhale! Ahhhhhhhhhh. That's how I'm feeling right now, times a jillion. Since finishing Urban Soul (I'm making a blog post about that, don't worry!) I've been rather wrecked physically, kinda achey and sore. So for the first time in years, I decided to take a bath. Haha, whoops, I also shower every day as well, just in case some of you were like: "So that's where the smell comes from!". No no, no living being can explain the smell. It is a mystery. Moving on.

I really hadn't had a bath in so long, I forgot all about how high the water should be, what a good temperature is, and wondered if, in my inexperience, I would accidentally give myself a head rush, pass out, and drown to death. But I really wanted that bath, so I decided to be Mr. Dangerous and take a bath. I know, I know, I'm a daredevil. I managed to find a suitable temperature and water height, and lowered myself into the water. Ohhhh man, how good that felt! I closed the shower curtain to close off the world, I was seriously wantin' some TLC to myself! I just soaked there for a while, letting the water warm my body, it was a seriously relaxing experience, lowering my ears and eyes under the water, hearing my heart thunderously beat in my ears, rushing blood to dissipate heat. I lowered myself a little lower, filling my nose with water. Rushing and spluttering to the surface was slightly less than relaxing. Ugh! I hate having water up my nose. Slowly washed myself, massaging the sore bits, almost rubbing the soap right into my arms and legs! Relaxed underwater for a little while longer. Ahhhhh. Just felt totally in sync with my body, felt very human and at peace with my flesh and all it's trappings. Almost want to head out to a masseuse to finish the process!

Stepped out of the water, towelled myself off, and put on some pyjamas. That last bit was quite nice, as I've basically been wearing the same sweaty work clothes all week, it was nice to get a clean set of coverings on. Then I just wandered over to my bed and flopped on top of it. Just sat there and sweat off the heat from the bath, and slowly stretched myself out, starting with my feet and finishing with my jaws. I just felt so in tune with my own body, I'd highly reccomend bathing to anyone who's feeling stressed! Still want to head to a masseuse though....

On Age and Culture.

2009-07-05T03:47:00.000-07:00

Short post, lots of things to talk about but little desire to type them up, so just a small thing.

Conversation between me and my mom:

Me:*Putting clothes in the washing machine*
*checks underneath sink for detergent*
Mom: "You're gonna need to get more of the thing, the, uh, detergent."
Me: "you're detergent!"
*walking towards cupboard to get detergent*
Mom:"Your face."
Me:*Turning around slowly*
"What did you just say to me?"
Mom:"I said you're going to need more detergent"
Me: "No, no, the other thing."
Mom: "*with a grin* Your face?"
Me: "Did you just: 'So's your face' me?"
Mom: "You bet I did! *cackle*"

Man, that's never happened before. My grandma called peta activists freaking out about B-rock killing a fly: "Retarded". It's like previous generations are catching up with us! They have iPods, people. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

"Whisht with your noise!" -Bernard Black, "Black Books"

Blogging into adulthood.

2009-06-27T15:27:00.001-07:00

So, in 33 minutes, I will be 18. I will be a legal adult, no longer a minor. Wow. I don't know when this happened. Well, I guess it's just a number really, maturity doesn't equal age and visa versa. All the same, it's unnerving. Does that make me a man? I don't think so. I've been thinking a lot about what makes a man. I think at this stage I could call myself a man.

What makes a man a man? Well, for starters, you kinda need a Y chromosome. Sorry ladies. Check.
You need a certain age. You can't really be a man at 12. I don't think so, anyway.

Other than that, it's kinda conjecture for me. See, I know what makes a Good man, but just a regular man? I think you just need the above. At any rate, I don't really want to be a man so much as I want to be a good man. The relief is, I won't ever really be a perfectly good man, 'cause no-one is good, really. You couldn't say someone is good and never have them prove you wrong. We all make mistakes, (Especially me), so I don't think you could call someone "Good" when they have bad in them, any more than you could call a lump of Iron mixed with Tin "Iron". You could call it "An iron/tin composite", maybe even "mostly iron", but you couldn't call it just iron.

I think Jesus was a Good man. So who I want to be more like is Jesus. I think a man is just a boy who has reached a certain age and changed enough psyically to have gotten through the majority of his changing, unstable years. I think a man has certain responsibilities to be expected of him. So I think a man is someone who is capable of dealing with certain responsibilities and someone who has fair, expectable responsibilities. I think there are young boys in Africa who act with much more manliness than I do. Expected to take care of your family after the death of your parents? That's a man's job. Unfortunately, these are still 8 year old boys, who have to act like men, when they're not. A fair expectation for boys would be to ask them not to make too much of a mess of their room, and to play nice, and to share with their siblings. They're given unfair responsibilities.

Well, that kinda changed the point.

I think Jesus is God, and God is Love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails

Let's paraphrase that.

A Good man is patient, a good man is kind. He does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud. He is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs. A good man does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. A good man always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

A Good man never fails.

Now, let me say, I can do none of those things. Not all the time. I lose my cool, sometimes act harsh, envy people like crazy sometimes, boast more than makes sense, quite proud, but getting better! I make rude jokes, seek for myself a lot, but, once again, getting better, get angry at certain things that get said, and totally hold things against people. I don't know if I delight in evil, but I certainly laugh when people land on their faces on Youtube. I also laughed at a joke about Michael Jackson's death. I dunno if that could really be called "Evil" though. I laugh Evilly from time to time. I do rejoice in the truth though! Sometimes though I think the truth is a pain. I don't always trust, I sometimes lose hope, and I sometimes give up.

But God loves me anyway! I think what I'll try to do is try my best to be more like Love, more like Jesus, more like God. Maybe that's a christian man's job. Actually, I'd say that's also a christian woman's job. But, these things are shown differently. Different, but similar. Very confusing. I probably don't know what I'm talking about. But that's ok.

Well, I'm 18 now. It feels a lot like being 17, but more responsibility. And more strength to meet that responsability. I don't know how to spell responsability. How Irrisponsible of me! :P

Think I'm gonna go pray now.

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
1 Corinthians 13:11 - NIV

PS: Don't worry, I believe I can still be relatively silly and funny. That's not childish, that's just fun :P

Regina Spektor Meets the Combine Overwatch and other short stories.

2009-06-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

From time to time, I decide to play videogames with custom background music. This usually goes one of two ways: 1: Freakin' epic with each beat of the drum synchronizing with my actions, or
2: Falls flat on it's face with songs about completely innapropriate subject matter.

This time, it was more of 1 and less of 2.

For this venture, I created a Regina Spektor playlist: "Regina Spektor Jamage" (Akin to "Relient k Jamage"). I picked some of her more acoustically busy and intense songs from the albums "Begin to Hope" and "Far", the only ones I own. the funner, louder ones, to the exclusion of her deeper ones, I suppose, but one does not ponder life in the middle of a gunfight. Ok, maybe in movies, but they have a word for people who do that in videogames: The dead guy.

The game? Half-life 2. You play freaky time-travelling theoretical physicist Gordon Freeman *applause* armed with lots of guns, your mission is to free earth from her current occupiers, the evil "Combine". Dun dun duuun! It's better than it sounds. I've replayed this game about 3 times, and this time was my fourth. My current run is on the level: "Water Hazard", possibly one of the most memorable levels of the game for the water-based combat and wonderful blend of vehicular manslaughter with gunfights. So, here is how the playlist broke down, with rather hilarious and awesome consequences:
(PS: if you don't know the songs, check 'em out on iTunes or youtube, then buy the album! It's awesome)

1: One more time with feeling: A goodly portion of this song was going through the menu, loading the game, etc, but it certainly had a good feel to it, as I climbed into my waterskimmer, driving around, getting back into the game, going up against the combine, one more time with feeling.

2:Eet: Beautiful song, really, came in just around when the combine overwatch started dropping down, got some nice synchronization of me thwacking bad guys with piano in the background. And had the lovely instrumental hit just as I was midair, quite lovely.

3: Samson: Investigating the Overrun resistance red barn outpost, very gentle song for shooting zombies, but go figure.

4: Folding Chair: Very peppy, happy song, definately one of my favorites. I gleefully dodged rocket-fire from tanks, swerving dangerously to the beat. And did a physics puzzle or two.

5: The Calculation: Broke into the first combine base on this level, found grenades, killed some overwatch, all that good stuff.

6: Dance Anthem of the 80's: Finished the first base, and hit the water. Then, came something everyone will remember about this level: The "Hunter-Chopper", a helicopter gunship that inspires both fear and loathing (except the game takes place in Europe, not Las Vegas). I was dodging gunfire and bombs, driving for my life to the cheerful lyrics "You-oo-oo-oo-ooh are-are-are-are-are so--oh-oh-oh-oh-oh sweet-eet-eet-eet-eet-eet-eet-eet-eet". Out of place, but hilarious.

7: Laughing with: Went through this song avoiding bombs from the plane. Jerk drops 'em all over the place and on hard mode, they wipe out about a quarter of your health if you run into one. I thought this song was pretty out of place, but then the lyric hit me: "No-one's laughing at God". To paraphrase from the usual suspects: "A friend of mine said 'I don't believe in God but I'm afriad of him.' I believe in God, and I'm afraid of the Hunter chopper." Maybe some sort of Zeus, dropping timed explosives from on high. I certainly wasn't laughing at the Hunter Chopper.

8: Two Birds: This song was pretty appropriate, at this stage you've been driving away from this HELL-icopter for half the level, it was pretty sweet, like a sparring match, the chopper dropping bombs on me, and I quickly swirling around the connect-the-dots of doom. I tell you what though: "Two Birds on the waaaater, one flies away, and the other, swerves through bombs and gunfire." And one of the birds is a giant steel monstrosity with a gun.

9: On the Radio: This one started out as I approached the second combine base, dodging missles from tanks, the line "It feels a little worse/ then when we drove that hearse/right through that screaming crowd" was applicable. Played on as I infiltrated the second combine base. I experimented with the revolver and the machine gun, one-shotting enemies Dirty Harry style one moment, and filling them full of lead the next. Escaped the base, got back in my waterskimmer, and drove off. Then got exploded by the chopper.

10: Better: Reloaded last save, and this time, I escaped the base, but better. As in, not getting exploded by the chopper. Drove on, classic near-death experiences with the chopper. Got killed a few times here, and I don't think a kiss would make me feel better.

11: Edit: Did some physics puzzles, drove on, more chopper, yadda-yadda yadda. Approached Rebel outpost. Oh yes, the next track had the best part of this whole Friggin' level.

12: Blue lips: Drove into rebel base, and then, my waterskimmer got an upgrade. A gun. As a matter of fact, a gun from a fallen Hunter-Chopper. To quote the rebel: "I always love to bring a little Irony to a firefight!". As I drove off, I heard a Vortigaunt shout: "For Freedom!". Drove on. The Hunter-chopper dropped down over the water to harras and bully me. I filled it full of lead, and it's siren wailed, it pulled a hasty retreat, the siren sounding off like a dog's whine. Drove hard, gunning down dropships and combine overwatch, this song was really great for this action sequence, with lines like "and all the Gods and all the worlds began colliding on a backdrop of bluuuue", and "all the people walked by real fast, real fast, and they never smiled"

13: Wallet. Saw the big empty Arena ahead, the final showdown between me and the Hunter-Chopper was coming right up, I gathered supplies and drove on, into the climax of the level.

14: Fidelity: Pretty chipper song for gunning down your worst enemy, Regina pondered risking herself to fall in love, as The Chopper and I filled the skies full of lead, explosions in the background going off like firework crescendos. This time, there were two birds, and both were metal monsters with guns. The battle ended with the song, as the Chopper flied at me, guns blazing, and I drove at the chopper, guns blazing also, like two knights steeling each other as they race at each other, to see which one will fall. "And it breaks my heart, breaks my heart...." I looked back as I passed the Chopper, it crashed to the Ground in pieces just as she said "Breaks my heart". Maybe I should've been playing the last level of Portal. :P

15: Riot Gear: Nice cooldown song, as I blew through the final combine outpost.

"And in my best Sashimi dress And marble arch supporting shoes I am a vision in my horse-drawn tank" -Regina Spektor: Riot Gear

Introducing a friend to TF2

2009-06-21T04:33:00.000-07:00

So, now my friend Damian has joined the ranks of me and Nexus as TF2 players. Insofar as that we play that game, not that we are 'playas' in the sense of being ladies' men. Anyway, back on topic, this was dear Damo's first time playing Team Fortress two, so all the basics had to be covered. After some trouble with his firewall, I found an empty dustbowl server and settled in, waiting for him to join. I selected spy class with the cloak and dagger, and he joined the server. Luckily, alltalk was enabled, so I was able to just chat to him over the microphone. "Pick a class, and wander about", I said. "I'll find you soon enough." I went invisible, and snuck off to explore the map and see where he was. I found him in one of the tunnels, he had selected the Heavy class. "Perfect, that's the easiest class to learn!" thought to myself. I decloaked in front of him, in introduced him to the wonderful world of Team fortress 2.

We covered weapon basics, firing your weapon, reloading your weapon, spinning up the minigun in preparation, ammo packs, medkits, all that good stuff. I even showed him how a spy can instantly backstab any enemy that's not facing him for an instant kill. I apologised shortly after murdering him. :P He found the complex abilities of the spy pretty cool, mainly the whole invisibility and disguising thing. Unfortunately, the server then crashed, but we managed to find another suitably empty one, Gravel pit. Here, he learned about the other classes through experience, always coming back as a different class to try something new. I introduced capturing and defending controll points to him:

"Ok Damo, your goal is to capture this controll point. You just capture it by standing on it. Unfortunately, since I'm a defender, and I'm standing on it too, you can't capture it while I'm standing on it. So you need to get me off this plattform."
*Damo Fires a rocket into Phiasmir's face*
*Phiasmir's body explodes into a thousand itty bitty pieces*
*controll point captured*
"Good work, young padawan."

I then explained the constant battle between spies and pyros to him:

"Ok Damo, I'm a pyro, and you're a spy. We are mortal enemies. You should be afraid of me. Because I can..."
*Damo begins shooting Phiasmir in the face with his revolver*
"Hey! Hey! Not that afraid...."

After *accidentally* killing him as a pyro, and after we had practiced all the ins-and-outs of the classes, from headshots to sentry guns, we decided to try our hands at a real, live-fire match online. This was good fun! Damo stuck with what he knew, the heavy. And I decided to play Medic, to give him a healing hand when he needed it.
Our first try had it's ups and downs, and it appeared Damian had contracted some... problems.

..Oh dear. Well, I healed him up anyway, it's just an arrow to the brain!

We encountered the same problem again and again, the eternal struggle of large russian men and medieval weaponry implanted in their brain.

Triumph! Arrow through your cerebellum or not, teamwork with an Ubercharge allowed us to win the day!

Damo did really well for his first go, I'm looking forward to contintuing to show him the ropes and train with him! Arrows or not.

"Every one of you deserves a medal!" - The Soldier, Team fortress 2

Black Water

2009-06-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

I got this awesome mug for christmas a while back, the aperture thermal-insulation liquid-storage-and-transferral device. It's actually quite a beauty to behold, like a piece of smoothly carved obsidian. Whatever moderately transparent liquids I put in it instantly take on it's smooth, black sheen, it's a little off-putting, like some sort of demonic chalice of unchangable corruption. Except not. My asked me if I'd like some tea today, I said "no thanks." He made me some tea anyway, and then forgot he made it, the teabag sitting there in the mug like a benign tumour. Bless him for making me tea anyway though! Decided to drink it anyway, no sense letting tea go to waste. What passed my lips was a truly unique experience, a very bitter brew as dark and souless as the mug that housed it. Black Water. Whenever Ihear about Jesus drinking God's bitter cup of Wrath on our behalf, I'll remember this tea.

Hey! Remember in book 6 of harry potter when Dumbledore drank that horrible liquid to get to the locket, the horcrux?

Jeremiah 25: 15-16: 15 This is what the LORD, the God of Israel, said to me: "Take from my hand this cup filled with the wine of my wrath and make all the nations to whom I send you drink it. 16 When they drink it, they will stagger and go mad because of the sword I will send among them."
Just realised that now looking for the biblical quote on The bitter cup of God's wrath.

Dumbledore drank the bitter cup of madness and suffering in Harry's place. Aw JK Rowling, you are a master of biblical allusion! <3 Dumbledore.

Pet peeve #192195

2009-06-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to rant for a second. This is one of my small pet peeves. One of many, I assume, but that's for another day. My pet peeve: Background noise. I think I'm about the only person who actually has this pet peeve, for most people it enhances or supplements what they are doing. But this drives me nuts. Unfortunately, it applies to most anything. My brother has a podcast playing right now, "Geeknights". Now, I usually love Geeknights, but when it's background noise, it drives me crazy. BN always just splits my focus. Unfortunately, my focus tends not to break evenly, and this just strains my brain. It's given me headaches in the past, call it a man's lack of ability to multitask, or a personal quirk if you don't want to seem sexist! Unfortunately, this means I can't listen to music when I do other stuff. Anything that requires active thought, anyway, which is why I love doing chores, I've scrubbed many a toilet to the melodious voice of Regina Spektor.

For some reason, I am noticing when the clock doubles up. I used to just try to use this as a way to remind myself to pray, but now it's just getting unnerving. Like just now, the clock displayed "14:14". I know that I look at the clock a zillion times a day and this does not happen, but for some reason I've been noticing it when it happens more frequently, and it's just getting a little creepy at this stage. Playing lots of Sims 2.

"23! 23! 23! 23!" - Jim Carrey, "The number 23"

Blueberry Garden

2009-06-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

So, I just tried out the demo to "Blueberry Garden", a five-euro game on The game nexus (No, not phil) known as "Steam". If you don't have steam, I highly reccomend you get it, it's free, has some demos, and games for cheaper than usual, plus, it's better for the enviornment! Plus, Me and Nexus have it, I'll add you if you get it, and I'm sure we can hassle Nexus as well. :P

But onto Blueberry Garden. It's a really different kind of game, not in a revolutionary, change-the-industry kinda way, but in a humble, original kind of way. It won "Best independant game" at the Independant games festival, and I can see why! The gameplay revolves around you, a toucan-penguin-thing running around, exploring this little world into which you have been thrust, eating berries to gain temporary abilities, well, it's all quite simple, download the demo on steam to see what I mean! But one of the best things going for this game is atmosphere. It has some really beautiful piano pieces in it, almost haunting, very in tune with the setting, of a lonely, expansive, empty area to explore. I'm probably gonna buy the full version, but I need a few things first.

I've ordered myself a 3V card, which is like a temporary credit card, and this will allow me to create a paypal account, ideally, and from there I should be able to buy the game off steam! I am slightly hesitant to allow myself free reign to buy whatever I want on the interwubs, I fear I may go slightly mad at first and buy a load of crap I don't need off eBay first. Ah well, I trust I will have some measure of self-controll. God help me if there's retro video games on there though.

Onto more things about videogames. A Bizzare thing happened to me a while back when I decided to re-install Bioshock. Now, the crux of the game's morality choice is the choice of a little girl's life. When you rescue a "Little sister", you have two choices: 1: Harvest her. This kills her, but you recieve far more power and strength in turn, allowing you to stay alive much easier.
2: Rescue her. This saves her life, freeing her from her previous indenture to the Big Daddy, however, you recieve far less power for this, and staying alive is much more difficult.

Now, I never really could play a game style where you harvested the little sisters. I did try it once, it was... terrible. There was no noise. Total silence. When you rescue them, there is a little, helpless girl standing in front of you, thanking you for saving her life. When you harvest them, there is nothing, nothing but silence. So this seemed like the obvious choice, and it was, for me.

The freakiest thing happened the other day though. I re-installed Bioshock, (I tend to uninstall games once I'm done with them), and thought I'd take a whack at hard mode. Loaded it up, went to Rapture, killed some mooks, and then approached the splicer guarding my next weapon. She was standing over a baby's carriage, and was singing "Mocking Bird" to it, she then started sobbing, asking "Why? why aren't you warm anymore? Why don't you speak? Why can't mommy feel your teeth feeding from her breast? Where did you go, baby?" sobbing like crazy. I can't really capture the moment as you look upon this wretched human being. Inside the pram, is a pistol. The moment you get too close to her, she devolves into any other enemy, with only one goal in mind: Killing you. I watched from afar, and I just could not bring myself to kill her. It was bizzare. It's what you do in games. She's just data, but tip of the hat to 2K studios, she was just so real, I just couldn't kill her. I tried to sneak past her, maybe get a pistol somewhere else. Unfortunately, she noticed me, and started screaming "NOBODY BUT BABY AND ME!" at the top of her lungs, swinging a wrench at my face. I ran and ran, and eventually came to a large pool of water. I thought I would electro-shock the water, stun her, and then run off. No such luck. Shocked the water, and her body just collapsed onto the floor, dead. Another splicer started spriniting at me, and I just turned off the game. I don't know what to think about killing people in games these days, go figure.

On Bodies

2009-06-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

Right now, my heart is beating. It will continue beating until the day I die. It is made of cardiac muscle which never, ever tires, it is physically incapable of tiring like other muscles. Electrical impulses from my brain are telling it to beat. It contracts and expands almost 73 times per minute, this is slightly more than once per second. Due to it's physical structure of valves, this allows it to pump blood through my body. I never thought of it that way, but I am constantly in motion. Every second blood is coursing through my body, supplying oxygen and other things to my muscles. My body contains muscles, which akin to my heart, rely on electrical impulses. There is a way for me to exert my will upon this universe, my conciousness made manifest in my decision to move, to contract and expand my vocal cords, my arms, my fingers. All of this is done without thought. My stomach is consuming my lunch. I had Alfredo. And as we speak my endlessly complex body is producing, creating acid to reduce and destroy it's chemical bonds to release energy into my body, into my blood, for this energy to be used elsewhere. All of this is happening without thought, effortlessly on my behalf, like a great, infinately complex clockwork golem lumbering along unaware of the infinite beauty and complexity housed within himself.

Most of the blood's work is in keeping my brain functioning, it takes up nearly a quarter of my body's energy. It is all made up of cells. And those cells are made up of chemicals, and those chemicals are made of of bonded atoms, and those atoms are made up of neutrons, protons, and electrons, and the neutrons and protons are made up of quarks. Quarks are incapable of thought, of emotion. It is ridiculous that once you stack it all this high, it becomes concious. It becomes capable of thought and emotion and blogging all it's thoughts and feelings. It is all made up of cells and electricity and interactions, and yet through some sort of glorious, beautiful exception, it all makes sense and is alive. And that life is me. I am alive. That is so easily taken for granted, even now as I type this. I have mass, I take up space in this universe. I exist. That is so crazy. That I exist, like some sort of precious gift that was never asked for or understood or even decided to be accepted.

My hands are healing up nicely since the frisbee incident. It is so bizzare to watch your flesh twist and turn and expand and contract and inflame and harden and live and die, all for the purpose of keeping the organism alive. At first it expanded and bled, raw nerves telling my body that something had gone wrong. Then it became gooey. All my body's fluids rose to the surface as if driven by some sort of inner shamanistic medicine man, drying and softening in bizzare colours and patterns. This slowly became flesh, as it was pushed to the surface by the skin beneath it. This hardened very hard, and for a day or so, it was so bizzare to see myself as something other than human, other than myself, but as an organism, the definition of "flesh" stretched to include this self-sacrificing shield formed out of hardened myself created and existing for the sole purpose of defending the vulnerabilities that lied beneath, before eventually falling away, like a generation of soldiers bent on the safety of future generations. And now my wounds have become my flesh again, my skin, and though they are red, they are also me, and they are cells made of quarks and nuclei, both biological and sub-atomic, and I am the sum of their parts, and yet contain a divine spark that makes me so much more than cells and electricity.

"Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.": [Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young] - Mary Schmich

On putting your foot in your mouth

2009-06-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

"Ah! You can read... I mean, you are reading. Sorry. It's nice to see people reading. Not a lot of people read these days. People prefer to... hear. But all this 'hearing' is just reading for lazy people. Kids today should be prepared to pick up a book, and not just go around the whole time with all these modern... ears. Sometimes I just wanna rip people's ears off and say 'Read a book, for God's sake!'... Well, actually I'd probably say 'Read a book' first and then rip their ears off, otherwise they wouldn't hear me, hehehe... Actually, I probably wouldn't rip their ears off at all, I'm not a violent person. I like ears! Especially women ears, they're my favorite. I don't mean I collect them or anything! I don't have a big bucket of women ears hidden away somewhere. No, No, No, I'm not after your ears really. Not that there's anything wrong with your ears! You know if I was some kind of mad ear person, your ears would be the pride of my... ear bucket."
— Jeff, Coupling

That is all.

On Perception

2009-06-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

I see the world differently through both of my eyes. My left eye sees the world and a greenish blue, and my right eye sees the world as a sandy red. It has always been like this for as long as I can remember, and it is in the back of my eyes, so it will continue to be like this for the rest of my life, like a perpetual battle between dusk and dawn in my skull. No matter what, I will always see the world as a blend of these two different perspectives, like technicolor gone ever so slightly wrong.

Or is it? Perhaps my left eye sees the world as it truly is, and my right makes things too intense a red. I will never be able to see with these eyes how the world truly is, only how I percieve it now. That is the weird thing about perception, it is so inherently unstable. Describe the orange to me without using other colours to describe it. Your orange could be my purple. Every sunrise you have ever seen could look look like grapes to me. Interestingly, colour does not even exist. It is only how our brains percieve differing wavelengths of light. If it travels with a slightly different wavelength, we percieve it differently. There is no colour, only our perception that it even exists. It is as if I could describe 2 metres as a beautiful sunset and 1 metre as a verdant field of grass. This is just crazy to me. I think emotions work like that as well. Emotions are our way of interpreting and dealing with a situation, but they are merely perception. I'm learning not to lean on emotion too much, because like colour, it is inherently unstable. If I had a perfect mind, perhaps this would not be the case, but trying to understand some things based on emotion alone seems silly to me, my mind and soul are innacurate measuring apparatus. Sometimes I fear that which does not exist, sometimes I feel things which are not there. We can be tricked so easily, amputees can still feel ghost limbs, and beleive it or not your brain can trick you into having you feel like a rubber hand is your own.

But, emotion is a key part of the human experience, and of course it would be ridding ourselves of so much of life if we shut up our emotions. I suppose I'm merely thinking in text that perhaps emotions should be ridden and enjoyed as best they can, whether they're going up or down, but not see the world through your heart, or believe that all that you see as glittering is indeed gold.

TF2 Update!

2009-05-31T05:36:00.000-07:00

Basically, they went back to a beautiful blend of how things are and how things were. The upcoming implementation is being looked forward to with bated breath. So now we can unlock things both with Achievements, and by finiding weapons. Hooray! I found this out by showing Phil, some of the new stuff on TF2 this morning, when suddenly, I was alerted to the fact that I had passed all three new Spy milestones and unlocked all the new weapons at once. HI-FIVES FOR EVERYONE! :D

First impressions: Cloak and Dagger: Pretty darn good, especially for survielance. Seems to have a limited usability, in that your strategies are completely different now, mostly survielance and waiting for the perfect oppurtunity. And just being spooky.

Dead ringer: Actually more useful than I'd thought! good for breaking into places, also gives you more of a certain melee chance, with the ability to survive (Nearly) any hit thrown your way, at least once. Great for getting intelligence, it sucks when you sneak all the way into someplace, only to get blasted in the face and it's all over. A rechargable second chance, really.

The Ambassador: Not too shabby, still getting the hang of sniping with the darned thing, also pleased that the scantily-clad lady engraved on the gun is more or less impossible to see from the first-person perspective. Really, I didn't want to be "Distracted" or anthything like that.

Sniper weapons: The huntsman: Still really getting the hang of this one, good for medium range, just like it says on the tin. Some people can use this thing as a lethal weapon of mass destruction, I'm still using it like a pea-shooter you fire blindly. Ironicly, blind fire isn't that bad of an idea, each arrow really, really packs quite a wallop, so even without a headshot, you can take out half of most enemies health.

Jarate: Yet to get, really looking forward to it though, what with the team-support factors it presents, since the SMG isn't used to often.

Razorback: Not really looking forward to this one, spies are usually pretty clever, it's entirely possible for them to just revolver you to death, or at least smash your health before you have a clue of what's going on. Not to mention the slowing down is kinda pants (I love that Irish phrase), I think losing your only backup firearm is punishment enough really.

"Un-be-frickin' lieveable!" -The Scout

Summer!

2009-05-29T02:35:00.000-07:00

So, I keep waiting to think of something to blog about, but nothing comes. So I am just going to try to wear down the barrier between my brain and this computer and just see what comes out.

IT'S THE MOTHERFLIPPIN' SUMMER!

I am actually not as exited about this as I should be, I do not think. I do not know why. Perhaps it just hasn't sunk in yet. I will not be missing double french every monday morning, that's for sure.

So, sorry I haven't had an actual blog post in quite a little while, exams and such, I'm sure you understand. Twitter makes a pretty good substitute, like the difference between saying "I'm hungry" and writing an essay on what hunger feels like. Hmm. Maybe I should eat breakfast.

Team fortress 2 recently released the new sniper/spy update, and I have some issues with it. Not that any of you reading this play TF2, but all the same, I will let you know. The new item-unlock system sucks hardcore. It used to require that you unlock achievements, do stupendous acts that required both luck and skill, and after working at these, you would finally unlock new weapons. Not necciscarily better, per se, but new, and different. The problem with this is, people started developing "Achievement servers", where people would just sit around and help each other unlock weapons. So instead, they decided to turn the whole thing on it's head, with horrible consequences. Right now, the new system is deeply flawed. You are given a random weapon for a random class at a random time, usually which is very, very long in coming. It is as if Santa decided that instead of giving good boys and girls presents they asked for on christmas, he became sullen and moody and just occaisionally gave people presents they didn't ask for out of the blue throughout the year. "What's that timmy? You wanted a bike? Too Bad. You get a barbie. Suck it, timmy." The system is due to have a trading scheme implemented in time, but it does not sound like the sort of thing that will actually be useful. At all. The main frustration is the fact that you don't choose what you unlock. Say that you have unlocked all but 3 weapons. Now, that's 3 out of 18 possible weapons. At very very best, you get 1 new item every hour or two. (But once again, this is all randomized, so in theory it is possible to play this game for days on end and not get a single weapon). This means that if it takes 90 minutes... Wait, time for some maths.

Ok. Based on some rough (and dodgy) calculations, it would take approximately 540 mins (9 hours) to get three of the items you wanted. That's not all three, either. based on probability, that means that you could get one of the three items you wanted three times. If you unlocked 17 items and just wanted to get that laaaaaaast one you've been dying for, it would take approximately 27 hours (1620 mins) to unlock. Or it could only take one hour. Or you could theoretically never get it at all. Valve (The Game Developers) Have promised to add some content, like being able to choose which weapons you wish to unlock next. All the same, it is a rather frustrating system. The biggest Irony is though, (and I just realised this) Is that I am complaining! They keep adding content to this game for free and I have all the weapons I need. I have no right to complain, so I will not. Random rewards are simply frustrating, I suppose, and there's a certain "Look at the cool kids" Factor to it when you see other players running around with their bows and arrows and invisibility watches and jars of urine. The sad part is, they created this system to do away with achievement servers, but now, because it is a time-based system, there are now "Idle" servers where you can log on, leave your computer running overnight, come back in the morning, and bam! New items. I contemplated doing this, but it's just too much of a kick in the groin to mother nature, I think.

"ahhh, ma petite chou-fleur." -The red spy/edit: I FINALLY unlocked a weapon I didn't have after about an entire week of playing. The huntsman: who needs a fancy lazer-guided gun when you have a bow and arrow? Not you, apparently.

Don't land on your face!

2009-05-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

Helpfully uploaded by Emma Gill!

A Few things to say:

1: The two Ironies: A: I landed on my face. B: This went on Motionbox, not Youtube.
2: I always feel the urge to commend my friends for not tearing my face off every time I open my mouth. The sound of my own voice drives me crazy! I hope I never become famous, because hearing my own voice on the TV would be like nails on a chalkboard. My tiny "Ugh" on impact just sounds like such a Napoleon Dynamite-ism!
3: What happened here is a failure to do two things at once. I had two jobs. 1: Jump over the chairs. 2: Tuck and roll. In mid jump, I realized that I forgot to do the second one.
4: Haha! X-it > every other youth group ever. We have chair jumping!

1st (and last) in a series of how Lorcan wants to be Johnny Somerville.

Mah Leg

2009-05-21T13:57:00.000-07:00

So, I scraped myself up pretty bad today. Note: this is a "Thing that happened to me today" post, expect no existentialism. Probably. I was playing frisbee with my friends after school today, and because there was a football match on on the grass, we had to play on the asphalt. So, frisbee-ing went well, fun times all around, we even messed with a boomerang I had found a few days prior, Nobody could get it to go around or nuthin' <:[ . So there was a scuffle for the frisbee at one point. This occurs when the frisbee lands at the feet of two or more people, and it's a shoving/kicking competition to see who can get the frisbee. This occurred between Sam and Shane, and I decided to join in. So there was a shufflin' and a kickin', but eventually, the frisbee rolled out, and I, sensing my oppurtunity, ran forth at full pelt, crouching over to pick up the frisbee. And pick it up I did. Hunched over in victory, I sensed pursuers hot on the heels of my new trophy, so I elected to fling it back to Alex, who threw it in the first place. So mustering the last of my strength, I wound up and flung it forward, going into a slight spin. At this point I realized that I was hunched over going at full pelt and starting to spin, my centre of gravity about firmly three feet in front of me. So I braced for a crash, and thrust my arms out to protect my face, and my hands scraped off the rocks, and I did a bit of a flip, and then all was silent. And then all was laughter. Brian was rolling around on the floor, Sam was coming over to see if I was ok, and I began laughing at what was no doubt a hilarious thing to see. I looked down at my hands, and noticed patches of skin had been peeled back or gouged out, with dark crimson blood slowly oozing out. I rolled around a little, as one does when they are in pain, and then got to my feet. Checked my knee, which had two large black/red swathes, shiny with fresh blood and grime. At this stage, I was still laughing, and didn't take much notice of the damage, I mean, it really wasn't that bad, a case of "Road Rash", as my dad used to call it. Everyone literally ROFL-ing, and I adamantly declared "I may have to go to hospital, but I caught that damned frisbee, let it be known!"

I headed off to the bathroom to wash up, and then gingerly biked home, with bruised palms and knees. Once at home, I washed myself up in the shower, and then applied some bandages, and then recieved a phone call from my piano teacher. I was 10 mins late for my last lesson. I quickly hobbled over to the churchtown school of music, and played in plastered hands, which wasn't that bad. Upon returning home, I filled in my mom on the details, and she ominously foretold that it would have to be cleaned "Properly", a grim prophecy that would no doubt involve cheap vodka. I forgot to mention, I howled at hollered while cleaning my leg up, real men can cry out in pain and still be manly (Grr. I'm manly. See?). After sufficient procrastination, I volunteered for this "Properly". I knew it had to be done, there was still dirt in the wounds, and nobody likes infections. So up to the shower we went, and I stripped down (Moderately), when she produced soap, scissors, and a needle. We washed it, cut off loose skin (surprisingly not that bad), and then, underneath running water, I began the delicate operation of picking out dirt from my wound with a sharp implement. Bizzare feeling, really. It bears mention that I also whooped and hollered while doing this. Then, as prophesied, out came the cheap vodka. This stung like crazy. I covered my eyes with one arm, leaned on the wall for support with the other, and clenched my teeth as my hands and knee blazed with wrath at their suffering. Then my mom plastered me up like a good nurse, aww. Shoutout to Nicole who had an infected knee before, so I'll probably come running to her sooner rather than later. She also threatened to attack me with antiseptic wipes if I didn't clean it properly. She's wonderful :)

"Ooops! Zat vas not medicine" - Medic, team fortress 2

Bee vs. Spider

2009-05-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

I just saw a bee trapped in a spider's web. I watched to see who would escape. The bee made it out alive! The downside is the spider may now die, but the bee does not need to kill to live, so that's nice.

"I wanted to save them both!" -Vash the Stampede

Blue lips: First listener!

2009-05-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

Basically what it says on the tin. I was telling Friend Cosmo about Regina Spektor's upcoming song, "Laughing with" on her yet-to-be released album "Far"(t?) Read the post and my comment yourself, Cosmo's quite the deep thinker. And so I pointed him to her myspace music page so he could listen to her song. I opened the page, and listened to the song, which played through and into the next on the playlist, "The call". After it played through, on a whim, I reloaded the page and listened to "Laughing with" all the way through, then it played the next song, which I slowly noticed was not "The Call". What now? I checked my tab. Yes.

That right, I was the first motherflippin' person to listen to the song. It's quite a shallow boast really, right up there with "FiRsT cOmMeNt" on a Youtube video. But all the same, it is pretty unique, in my opinion, as I may have been the first member of the general public to listen to that song. Like I said, it's a shallow boast though, I was so busy going "Holy crap! 0 views? holy crap!" That I don't even remember what the song was about or how it goes. Shameful, really, but c'est la vie! Just for further corroborative photos, check it.

If you'll notice, the time and playlist elapses, but for some reason the number of times played does not. I'm guessing it has a few people listen to it before it updates it as having been listened to or something, but at any rate, it was pretty sweet.

Also, go actually listen to "Laughing with" on the above webpage nao, it's a wonderful song about people's dependance on God in times of hardship.

"No-one's laughin' at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake" - Regina Spektor

Makes sense!

2009-05-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

So, upon reading on wikipedia, apparently tofu is prepared in a similar way to cheese, as it turns out. But first, a word on soy milk. Soy milk is actually an emulsion of soy beans and water. So basically, you take soy beans, crush them into a fine paste, and mix really well with great vengeance in hot water. The result is an emulsion (Fine mixture) of soy bean and water, with some undissolved bits left over, called "okara" in japan. So, both milk and soy contain random proteins just floating about, and when released to an emulcifying agent, like salt, or something that changes the acidity, like lemon juice, all those rogue bits of protein go "Holy shoite lads, it's acid! Stick together!" And so they do, making little globular thingamagijs that are weird. This same process works in both milk and soy milk, leaving a curd of either cheese or tofu in either case. The resulting curd is then squeeeeshed until less and less water remains, and BAM! tofu. So there you go!

Tofu Conspiracies

2009-05-14T10:30:00.001-07:00

So, for the first time in my life today, I bought tofu. Tofu has always remained firmly in the back of my mind as "That stuff what vegans eat." The closest I have come to eating tofu is having a vegetarian chicken burger for dinner once, as a surprise from my parents. The burger was actually the most delicious chicken burger I'd ever eaten, but for some reason they never got them again. Oh, and in "Fable 2", eating tofu instantly makes you thinner, and gives you good guy points, so there's that too. But today, I went out to buy tofu because I am preparing dinner with Nicole, and she's a veggie, so "Thai Pork Curry" had to undergo some revision. The following is the thought process of a newbie to Tofu.

"Ok, let's get some tofu. The Vegetable shop closes in 7 mintes. It is a six minute walk..... *Begins running*"

*Arrives at vegetable shop and looks around* "Do you guys have any tofu?" "No, we don't have any at the moment." (Vegetable shop without tofu, pffft.)

Luckily, Supervalu was just across the street.

I spent a good 15-20 minues looking for this fabled dish, and it was about then that I realized I have no idea what tofu actually is.

I looked in the dairy section. Tofu is white and kinda squishy, isn't it? Cheese is too. So they're pretty much the same thing, really. It's soy curd right? Milk has curd, and then they make cheese out of that. That has to be right then. (Fun fact: Tofu is not like cheese in the slightest)

I eventually asked someone to help me find some tofu, and find it I did, in a little rectangular box. Whatever Tofu is, it comes in boxes, I guess. (Like custard. They're similar. (Not really.))

After paying for it, I began walking home, and decided to read the back of the box ( I can't get over this, it comes in a box?) and then the plot thickened, just like Tofu. Turns out it's soy milk and water put into a box, and it then ferments and begins to solidify, making tofu. What the crap is soy milk, anyway? I think it's delicious myself, but I never thought about all this! What is it with soy trying to be dairy? Be yourself Soy, we'll love you just the same. I then read the RDA Part, it turns out every hundred grams is about 3 grams fat (Take that, every other food product ever, that is pretty low fat, as far as I know (Which as we have firmly established is not very much)), 7 grams of protein, and 2 grams of carbohydrate.

At first, I was calmed. "Ah, this food is very low fat", I told myself. But then I realised. What in the name of toblerone is the other 88 grams of tofu? "What's your secret, Tofu? Where did you hide the diamonds?!?" I gruffly demanded of the little cardboard box. No reply. "Ahh, I see your game. Very sly, Tofu. very sly indeed." Tofu is pretty shifty you guys. I'll give you a chance, Tofu, but I've got my eye on you!

(I'm not crazy, I'm just bored.)

Upon arriving home, I asked my mom "What the crap is Tofu, mom?" "It's pressed bean curd, Lorcan." And for the first time, I realized that I had never even come close to understanding what any of that meant.

And now to wikipedia Tofu and look back on this ingnorant rant in shame. Though I'm sure it will be delicious!

/edit: The second I hit "Publish Post", I remembered I have actually had Tofu loads of times at oriental resturaunts, and think it's actually quite tasty! Today is not my day to sound smart, I do not think.

New costume unlocked!

2009-05-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, a little while ago, I accidentally scratched the crap out of my glasses. They had become a little greasy, so, as I do, I cupped them in my mouth and fogged them up (If you have ever seen me do this, you will understand what I mean!). Taking my school shirt, I rubbed them clean all over, rubbing hard. When I put them back on, things were even worse than before, and upon inspection, I had seriously scratched both lenses all over. There must have been a small piece of soil or something on my shirt, because I effectively just rubbed sand paper all over them. I went on a hunt for my old pair of polo glasses (A brand name, not my elephant polo glasses, those are a different pair altogether!), and now I'm currently wearing them. They're still stiff with newness, as they were my spares. This is just particularly interesting to me, because as something that is on my face all day, these glasses are like a part of my constant daytime appearance. So it feels like changing my nose or something.

Basically, I just didn't want to post this on twitter, because I actually miss blogging. Anyway! Did end up finishing that English essay. Piano is going well, not doing grade two, just learning songs I want to learn right now, it's pretty sweet. Farewell!

Also, people seem to be catching on that I'm saying "Greetings, citizen", (as uttered by Anduin Wrynn in World of Warcraft if you click on him a few times) as a greeting. I have said this most every day for the past month or so, and so far the only people to catch on are Nicole and Peter. Weird thing not to notice, I wonder what kinda crap we could get past the radar in our greetings!So yeah.

Showers!

2009-05-10T05:00:00.001-07:00

So, it turns out you can brush your teeth in the shower. I have recently discovered it is possible to drink tea in the shower as well! In case you're wondering, the trick is to keep it behind the shower curtain, or if this is not possible, to keep it far enough away that the spatterings don't reach the cup. It's easier than it sounds, you just take a gulp between lathering, and try not to get it directly in the stream. Haha, I suppose if you had a tea bag in the cup, you could just keep refilling it with hot water and have constant tea!This has led me to think about other things one could do in the shower, the possibilities really are endless!

Ice Hockey in the shower
Wild african safari in the shower
Extreme tightrope walking in the shower
Bible reading in the shower (I always did think it would be cool to have a laminated bible)
Shaving in the shower (I actually did this on my legs once, maybe it's less impressive for girls.)
Video game tournaments in the shower
Medieval battle reenactments in the shower
Blogging in the shower (Oh crap, I'm actually going to wind up doing this one now!)
Cleaning yourself in the shower (It's just crazy enough to work!)
Extreme shoe cobbling in the shower
Singing worship songs in the shower (Guilty.)
Sewing in the shower
Mud wrestling in the shower

And now, things that one does not do in the shower:

Use a hairdryer
And basically half the stuff that's up there. Except for the medieval one, that one would totally work.

Coming up, further procrastination from yours truly instead of him doing his giant english essay that's due for tomorrow! :D

This day

2009-05-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

So, here are some things I learned today.

1: It is possible to have a shower and brush your teeth at the same time.
2: One should always give themselves more time than they need to prepare for a date.
3: Coraline is a PG movie , with 7-8 year olds for main demographics. No need to fear.
4: Movies with 7-8 year old demographics can still be surprisingly awesome.
5: If someone is throwing polos at you, do turn around. They could be a friend!
6: Persistence can get you far, but it wasn't meant to get you everywhere. (Not as dodgy as it sounds.)
7: The drums on Guitar Hero: World tour need a proper walloping to register anything at all. This is very fun.
8: Be yourself.

Saw Coraline today, I would really reccomend it as a movie, it was the first 3D movie I have seen in absolutely years and years and years. I don't think I'd see it twice, but it has some good characters, a really awesome setting and filmography, and the 3D just plain old looks cool. Nice setting, like I said, some very creepy moments, but in a good way, like a spider web. Beautiful, but unsettling. Hung out in town today, and then headed over to a friend's for a birthday party, with cake and pizza and Guitar hero. I gave singing a try, in the back of my mind I like to secretly think that I'm secretly really awesome at singing. This is mostly untrue. I would consider myself a passable singer at best. I won't peel the paint off the walls, but I can't carry most tunes very well. But that has never stopped me from having a go anyway! :P

Nicole is pretty wicked awesome. She is a thinker. She thinks for herself, and does not let herself be told what to think, it's pretty impressive, really. She's also just awesome in general. Pretty decent sniper in Halo 3, knew to get behind cover, managed to kill me out of absolutely nowhere, very impressed. Also did not cover me in makeup like she was doing to all the strapping young lads at the party. She was surpirsingly good at making them look surprisingly good. Of course, wearing makeup makes you no more or less of a man, but it's nice to have your wishes respected. Relationships are pretty interesting things, a bit like learning to fly while hurtling off the side of a cliff, only without the impending splat being quite so likely. Putting your trust in God for these things helps too, God has taught me so much about these things, even on the luas today I got a double-whammy of wisdom applied to exactly where it was needed from the scriptures. So things are going pretty well. Something within me knows I'm just making it up as I go along, and something within me knows that that's not half bad, really.

The Zambia Journals

2009-05-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

The Zambia Journals:

Friday, 3rd April:

Everything is going great, I mean traveling kicks the crap out of you, but I’m safe, and that counts for a lot. Read psalm 121. Randomly flicked open my bible and it was like it was just waiting for me. God’s with me. Not just on this trip, but everywhere. I worry too much about stupid crap. I can feel the anxiety twist in my gut like a knife. I think I’d be a lot happier if I stopped worrying. I know I would be. We’re over Africa now. It’s 23:34 Lusaka time, We’re just passing the northern coast, east of El Menia. Shit, how do I stop worrying? It’s usually over the most retarded stuff, like when I’m going to get to use a toilet. That’s messed up. Diseases? Whatever. Death? Meh, I’m not afraid. Holding pattern on a plane for 50 minutes and no jaxx? Dear Lord, how the fear coursed through my veins. Enough about my excretory system. Watched “Yes man”. Good movie, well written, funny. Good characters and a decent message. Just noticed the fold-down table, was previously scribbling on metal bible. Hee Hee! So much of me wants a ladyfriend. Nobody in particular, even. Just another Human being to be close with and not afraid of. To hold and be held, I think that’s all anybody wants, deep down. That’s kinda in wedding vows, anyway. I’m flipping between celibate and desperate, these days. Think I just want to be celibate out of a fear of my wife, girlfriend, whatever, thinking me a joke and a shame. And I promised myself I’d never be celibate out of fear. Wait, I should be talking about going to Zambia, hah! Oh well. People are more interesting anyway. Gah, so much of me is wrapped up in shame about visiting TURBULENCE… the men’s room so darn often, hah weird thing to let control you. TURBULENCE… Can’t believe I said I’d upload this, I hope I don’t edit it, just so Phil and Bernard thing I’m normal. Jeez! I said I’d send the blog link to my grandpa too! Hi Grandpa, your grandson is more than a little strange XD. (Don’t worry, I’m sure I got it from my dad’s side of the family, your daughter is plenty normal. Kinda.) :P

Saturday 4th April:

The sunrise mimics my current state, a faint mix of yellow and purple. The sun is risen now, the golden African dawn shames man’s fluorescent imitations in the plane. The plane turns on it’s side, like a bird sunning it’s feathers. The ground is rich and deeply coloured. The tilled earth is bright red, the vegetated earth is deep brown, and every shrub and plant is darkest green. Red and brown and green. My arrival gives me rebirth, and I am helpless to praising this country’s beauty at the top of my lungs.

Holy crap, I’m tired. Doing better though! It might sound silly, but it seems I’m always provided with a toilet when I really need it, and not a moment sooner. I believe that’s God looking after me and my neuroses. Today is great. Met Charity, she’s our leader lady. She’s super nice and chipper. The ladies all dress pretty modestly over here, which is actually quite nice, I mean, it’s convenient to not have the temptation to check out the “culture”, as my mom put it. Have I mentioned I am heterosexual today? :P

Most people are Christian here, it would seem. Out driver has a “God is LOVE” sticker and a Gideon bible in his car. Their faith is equal parts crazy and awesome (Author’s note, I mean this in the phrase “Crazy awesome” that I use frequently, not that they’re crazy). We have everything, physically. Clean, cold water whenever we want it. Housing. 3 square meals a day, most of us. Wardrobes full of clothes, and enough “entertainment” to make a hedonist blush. And yet in our wealth we are empty. We kill ourselves more than anyone else, and we are miserable. Here, the children dance in the streets next to dirt roads, dancing in their worn shoes just because they feel like it. They laugh at my silly hat with their wide smiles, as they stand next to their concrete, 3 bedroom abode, while we weep in our mansions. (Editor’s note: A bit unfair of me, really. Lots of us in the west are actually pretty happy. Just notable that something is missing in us, while they have it, and wealth doesn’t seem to indicate whether we have it or not).

Rebecca said she wished mass was more like their gospel choirs. We came to them with God’s message, and we’re surprised to hear it back, our faith an echo at times, while they propagate the sound of joyous singing, and we are at times curious or afraid or envious or resentful about their faith. It is ka-raaaaaaazy. We toured the city today, and I am now forever bereft of my ill-notioned right to complain about anything forever. I held over 1 million of a currency today, it was nifty! (author's note: Gotta love that exchange rate!)

Sunday: 5th April:

Just finished a nice cold shower. An ice cold shower. And yet such a thing is still a luxury. Bizarre. Church was great. The people here fear God in a wonderful way, they really treat every encounter with him with the knowledge that he could wipe us off the face of the earth, and that he actually created us, that he is both great and Good. It is an encouragement. When people say that man was created to worship God, they are talking about these guys. Their praise is simple and familiar (I knew the first two songs they sang off by heart! :D In the southern Hemisphere, imagine that!) And that praise fills them full up with joy, as though it were the natural way of things. Guess they showed me it was. Though they learned still from God, and praised independently of music to remind themselves that God is more than just the happy hubbub of singing. Preacher was waaaay enthusiastic just like everyone else, like if Chris Rock found Jesus. Even Simon liked the singing, and he thinks it’s “all a load of bollocks”. God, I mean. He acts as thought it is water off a duck’s back, but I thought I saw curiosity in this eyes when the Reverend talked of a relationship with God, and a childlike sort of discouragement when he talked of Hell. Didn’t agree with everything, of course, but we could learn so much from these people’s faith, though I’m not sure we could return the favor very equally. Bartered today. Something did not sit right with talking impoverished people’s prices down. They offered high local prices, but these were relatively low, globally. 1,500 Kwacha for a scarf is nothing to scoff at here, but it is 2 euro with the exchange rate. Would taking her initial offer of 2,000 been so hard? I think it is a pride thing. Some of them see us as giant suckers with too much money. (In their defense, I was a white guy with a silly hat and an American accent), and we are desperately looking to prove them incorrect, mostly to ourselves. And yet, we are afraid of them. I felt bad for bartering them down. I give more the Charity, but something in me doesn’t like to think that he thinks I’m stupid. I was going to write more, but I accidentally wrote right through dinner.

Monday 6th April:

Today, we worked at the site. Up at 6, there at 7:30, home by 4. Let me tell you about the children. They are a ball. Me and Nicole sat on a barrel and slowly entertained them over from afar, with silly faces and party tricks. They loved her sunglasses and her camera, she loves these kids so much. Me too. We got them close, I ham-handedly tried to write “Hello” in Reagan, and they came so close! I stuck my hand out for them to shake, and after 1 brave soul shook it, there was an avalanche of greeting! Hands were shook like crazy; we even taught them the fist pound! :D They are fantastic; they have so much joy and energy. They almost become a uni-gender of “Children”, though girls hang out with our girls and play clapping games like patty- cake, and the boys hang out with each other. But the younger you go, the more you realize that their happiness knows no gender. I am becoming more and more convinced there is something wrong with us. We would complain about the responsibility of taking care of a younger sibling after the death of our parents: and perhaps rightly so, such an occurrence is grossly unfair, yet they, the children do it without misery. I spend my money on more and more games, yesterday I saw a child having a great time rolling a tire along the dirt road. It would appear that rubber has triumphed over “next gen graphics”. Used their latrine today. Garbage bags wrapped around 4 sticks to make privacy, though in truth I shared the experience with 2 cockroaches. Stomped one of ‘em good, they’re quite quick at scurrying! Biggest culture shock of my life. A port-a-loo was brought later, another wonderful privilege would be considered absurd at home. Glad I brought my own TP, the stuff here is just about soft enough to grate cheese. (Author’s note: I really wanted to say that XD) Yet such a thing is a blessing! Crazy!

Tuesday 7th April:

Rorschach’s Journal: 7th April. Not taking as much time to write. Takes up so much time that could be spent doing stuff. Anyway! Did wake up call today, borrowed pots and rolling pins from the food ladies. Ended up breaking a rolling pin and smashing a hole in a pot. Whoops! Thought Simon had barricaded himself in his room but it turns out he just locked it. Some of us tried to shove it a little harder than others, ended up bending the lock! (Author’s note: They were locked in and missed breakfast! XD) It was 7 o clock in the morning and we had already caused more than a hundred thousand Kwacha worth of property damage. Gave our chefs money to buy new pots and rolling pins, but it’s still the worst wake up call so far.

There is something beautiful about houses. They are such a symbol of our dependence. We feed ourselves from the earth, we came from the earth via Adam Via God, and we gather the dust of this world, unique dust for this purpose, and we pile it together with more unique dust. Different dust. And into this dust we pour our lifeblood, water. And we mix it and mix it and in this way, our sweat joins the house. We dry some for bricks, and these we lay. We leave some for Mortar, a joining clay, and we pile this high and we pile it wide, cementing our labours with yet more sweat, and we wait and watch as the sun dries and inspects our work, leaving it’s seal of approval as dried concrete. This is dust mixed by dust with the dust’s lifeblood and sweat, finished by the sun. I feel Elton John should be playing “Circle of Life” wile we build :P

Wednesday 8th April:

Today was tense. Random people showed up at the building site and started “helping”. Most of us thought they were builders, but they were being more than inappropriate. Wouldn’t leave the girls alone. Just kept bothering them, calling them over, asking for stuff, one wouldn’t stop play-boxing with Nicole, another held Rebecca in his arm and rested his hand on her stomach. Physically disrespecting women makes me angry like nothing else. The fear a man can physically instill in a woman, when abused, makes me furious. Erugh! Can’t stand it. Will keep eyes more open tomorrow. Thought they were messing or something. 1st House is nearly done. Second foundation is laid. So frustrating. We cannot clothe these children, or feed them like they should be fed, all we can do is give them a shelter. We cannot give them their parents back, we cannot stay and help look after them, we cannot wrench their fate into one of more choice and less responsibility, as a child should be. These are adults in children’s’ bodies. All we can do is treat this symptom, while the disease remain unchecked. And yet, we could do so much. We could feed them, we, the west. Not force-feed them, but offer it, at least for the orphans, for those that are so scarcely fed and clothed, those who have suffered so much, so unjustly. Yet I buy another movie while they have to shirt, I buy another game while they barely eat. I tell myself they will all be fed, be medicated enough, but so many remain in suffering while my movie leaves me unsatisfied. I will spend my money on them. If I have a spare shirt, I will give it to my neighbor. I will try my best to love my neighbor as myself even if she is on the other side of the world, even if I have never seen him and never will.

Tonight was fun. I finished teaching Nicole chess, she came worryingly close to kicking my ass, I barely managed to sneak in a checkmate, she took the majority of me pieces. First time and everything! Jeez. She had a lot of fun with her camera, there was a power outage and we stood under the stars, we looked for the southern cross and she used me as her tripod to take a picture of the moon. Then later, I took my revenge for her spooking me at the building site, her “Boo!” Repaid with relentless tickling. This erupted into an n al-out tickle-war, I was held down by a group and tickled without mercy. It was fun, but I bizarrely felt like I should have been having more fun. Tickled Simon. That was hilarious! Nicole is so fun and thoughtful, like a merry-go-round with Frederick Nietchze’s brain (Author’s note: >.<) Fun, but deep and also both spunky and quirky. Received Mosquito bite above left eyelid. Thursday 9th April: Writing one day late. Today had it’s ups and downs. Upside, I taught a bunch of kids the hokey pokey and spent half an hour having loads of fun with them today. Two downsides. One, I ended the life of a frog. We were shoveling sand and the kids found a frog. One of them deliberately broke it’s leg. Lone from, middle of dry, dry land, broken leg. People began to say that someone had to kill it, end it’s suffering. I picked up a shovel without really thinking much about it, but I knew what I was going to do. I walked over to the frog and scooped it up. The thing was still moving in circles. Went behind a pile of hay far away, almost off-screen, as it were. Placed it on soft rock, still limply moving it’s legs. Raised flat of shovel after shooing children away, some wanted to watch. Raised shovel high in air and swung down with as much strength as I had. Flatter, and it’s skin tore around it’s arm. Shoveled it into the field. Everyone told me I did the right thing. I think I did, it was going to die anyway, but people talking about euthanasia left a bad taste in my mouth. Eugh. First small animal I’ve ever killed. Felt detaching, like losing something. Weird, really, I love steak and all that. Kept worrying that one smack hadn’t killed it, felt that I should have buried it. I mean, no one wants to step in decomposing amphibians on their morning jog. Forgot about it though. Don’t regret my decision, but one can’t help but worry a little when that’s how serial killers start. Less worried now, thankful for people’s support. Second downside: A man named Moses, the same who caused trouble, showed up today. I made sure to always be between him and the girls, just in case, but when we were all working inside the house, (and can I just say the man smelled of drink, his eyes were all fogged over) (Author’s note: Upon later information, he is a local man with several children who collects scrap metal for a living and spends it all on alcohol, while his mother looks after his children.) I looked outside, and he was standing across a barrel from a little girl, couldn’tve been more than 6. He lifted his hand, and then slapped her. Not full impact, but with strong impact nonetheless. The girl started crying loudly. He realized this, and began to repeat the same phrase, I presume telling her not to cry. I walked over, and defensively raised his voice to me, then loudly repeated the phrase at the girl. It was infuriating. I was powerless. I did not have the authority to tell him off or shove him away. All I could to was “Shhh” him, lightly suggesting that he should not yell at the orphan girl he just slapped. I neither had words of comfort for the girl that she could understand. The tragedy is, both jobs should have been filled. A mother to comfort and a father to protect, yet neither was done and her wails of injustice went unavenged and unsoothed. Friday 10th April: Writing one day late again. The days are moving faster now, almost running into each other like a train wreck. My muscles are getting seriously bigger now, the bricks seem lighter every day (Author’s note: I got seriously lopsided muscles, my right arm was way more impressive than lefty!).Feels very natural and good. I can now lift two smallish children at once, one on each arm! I have wanted to do that all my life. Getting to know certain children better, namely Matthew and John. If I can find a Luke and Mark, we will start a gospel choir! (The wit!) My previous evaluation of the children was deeply flawed. They are each unique, but similar also. And very similar to other children! You have the messers, the leaders, the shy ones, the adorable ones, the ones that crave attention, the playful ones, the list goes on! Even on the other side of the world, we have messers. Touching in a way! Today is good Friday, celebrating the day that a man was Nazareth died on a cross. This always confused me. I once asked my mom about this when I was a child. “Why do we call it good Friday? Him dying doesn’t seem that celebratory”. “Well, I guess it’s good for us!” she said. I think God a really a lifer kind of being. It would be much easier and simpler if it was a bunch of hoops and all you had to do was read your Bible and pray, but it is so much more than that. It is like spending time in the presence of a friend, opening yourself up to being loved, and letting that love fill you. Following the way of love, learning more about it and you, and the time when life sucks or feels boring and useless. More and more I learn that God is not a thing, but so much more than that. Friend, Father, Helper, Guide, and it never ever ends, which can sometimes seem tiring, but on we roll down this hill called life, cutting a trench in our wake as he helps me desperate steer this careening rock, trying to spell out LOVE. Which all makes the next sentence rather stupid-sounding. Felt vaguely depressed midway through game of chess with Nicole. Everything seemed so insignificant and pointless, the winner of the game, my future, everything. I suppose I’m just losing hope that there is someone out there for me. I can feel a hunger for another, an equal to exist with and stumble, but together. Yet there are seemingly no prospects on the horizon. Dunno what I’d do in a relationship anyway, like being exited to drive, then realizing you don’t know what any of the levers do once you get in the car. Then I remembered that God has rescued people from Lions and fire, raised the dead, and turned one thing into something completely different, so playing matchmaker in Heaven is surely weak sauce really. God works on a timetable, as exiting preacherman said. Remembered that, and shoo off negativity like so much dust on my shoulders. Saturday 11th April: God, I miss home. Not home, but what was there. When there was still earth and beast and nature. I am not trapped in concrete, but all the buzz cancels itself out and I feel alone in a desert wasteland of blinking lights. I miss the stars. Orion’s belt and the moon can only take you so far. I want meaning To share and learn meaning with someone. I do not want a girlfriend, I want to stare into the infinite depths of another’s eyes, and know that she is staring into mine. To speak of what we are learning without fear of each other, to speak words of gravity, not of importance to others but things that resonate with the structure of our souls. I fear the times before and after such searching, as if I am afraid of the 3-month car journey of awkwardness before we get out and start walking down the road of life (cheeeeezy). Jeez, I talk about myself a lot. Our lunch ladies are nice. One is called Faith. The all have awesome names like that. She offered me a small, anchovy-looking fish yesterday. Ate the whole thing in one go except for the head. Tasted like normal only more tangy and oily, and the skin and bones gave it a notable crunch. Spent a lot of time with babies today. Matthew has a little sister called Ble, pronounced “Bleh”, and she is even more adorable than her name. The kids LOVE to be picked up under their arms and lifted. Sad that most of them do not have fathers to do it. Lifted up Matthew a zillion times today, almost felt like Rafiki from the Lion King, even softly sang “Circle of Life” while holding him in the air. Met “Tobias”, a 2-moth old baby. First baby I’ve held in a quite some time! He is the chubbiest baby I have ever seen! It’s that he still has all his baby fat, I mean, he’s practically fresh out of the oven. We have taken to calling him chipmunk baby, because it look like he is storing nuts in his check for winter. Seriously chubby. Some lady walked up to me today with this wailing, ska-reeeming baby and held him out to me to pick up; this she did with a grin. Took baby, she seemed pretty keen on the idea. The baby started wailing like a banshee, and screeeeming for it’s mother, wildly flailing it’s arms against my chest. My eyes went wide with fear and I put on my “Holy crap, what is going on you guys” grin. Thankfully, the baby was taken off of me, and the mother and son walked off. I stood there flabbergasted, and the head builder explained ; “The baby has a fear of while people”. Babies are adorable most of the time, even the Xenophobic ones. Sunday 12th April: Day late again. Today was our day off, so to speak. I woke up at 6 to use the toilet (I personally blame the malerone, it’s a bit of a physical scapegoat), and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I read some of John Steinbeck’s “Grapes of Wrath”. It is known as “The great American Novel”, but it has communist themes about what are essentially illegal immigrants. Funny that. Wake up was at 9, so I got about 50 pages done. So much for the lie-in, but thems the breaks! We were awoken by Mr. Wilkinson and Mr. O’Carrollan(Author’s note: turns out his last name is just Carrollan), who were wearing local skirts to our great amusement. We got crème eggs, which I am sure my mother will take great delight in, she was very concerned that I would have no chocolate on Easter Sunday. We lazed around, ate breakfast, then headed off for a second visit to the market. I decided to pay prices I would have expected at home, but due to a misconception of exchange rates (I thought 1$ was 10,000 Kwacha, when in reality it is 5,000), and not remembering to haggle, I got ripped off to some extent and ended up paying 32$ for a walking stick in my defense,, I misinterpreted it as 16$), and ended up paying 15$ for two small paintings, which is more reasonable. Tricky subject. They would pay far less for these good locally, but the income is appreciated and needed, I’m sure. But Then again, overpaying them in fear of one’s conscience is incorrect as well. Like most things, I suppose, these is no clear-cut right and wrong choice. Live and learn, I guess. After lunch, we saw a movie “Monsters vs. Aliens”. It was short, snappy humor, very simple plot, and featured some good old sci-fi jokes for the oldschool nerds. Although about 20-30 mins of the film screamed “Holy crap you guys, we got Colbert as a voice actor”. Interestingly, the film had very notable feminist and female empowerment (or in this case, superempowerment) themes, which was refreshing! The night wasn’t great, it was pretty tense, we’re all wearing on each other’s nerves. Very, very frustrating. More and more I learn that I do not understand girls, and I’m sure such a revelation would drive me stark-raving mad. Tired of squeezing myself into political correctness, of keeping my honest thoughts and opinions repressed. I frequently hear the phrase “Dig up, stupid!”. Have decided to dig in whichever direction I please, even if such an idea is perceived as drilling straight down. After all, mine is the drill that will pierce the heavens, sometimes a situation calls for a good ol’ fashioned Giga drill breaker. (<3 Gurren Laggan)Such expression must be controlled, I am not in favor of unfettered douchebaggery, but I am simply tired of hiding what I think from people, of apologizing for who I am. Long, tense, frustrating night with other people. Told a friend lost about Jesus and God today. People tend to like him better when they realize he’s not an angry old guy in the sky, waiting for you to screw up. Redeemed entire day. Oh, and happy Easter.

Monday 13th April: Day late: Last day in Zambia New chef ladies, I miss Faith; these new ones aren’t as much fun. Today was happy and sad. Donated metal bible to new family, had to clear it with Charity first. There was a ceremony to hand over the house, we played with the children with bubbles and balloons, it was very moving. I hate long goodbyes though and today just like one long goodbye. Felt wonderful to hand over the finished house, I realized the meaning of it when I thought about how I wake up in the same home every morning. These children are blessed to have this house but it is still so little compared to what we have. I suppose that too, is beautiful in a way. They are so appreciative, it makes we wonder what truly brings happiness. These children live in horrible conditions without parents, or enough food or sanitation. Yet they are so happy!!! It is just too much for me to understand, perhaps someday I will. Had awesome local dancers for the ceremony, it was very impressive! They had fire-swallowers, I alllllmost tried to when they offered, I ended up just burning my tongue. Had very long lunch, then headed home. We really feasted for lunch, sausages, fritters, nshima, and many other foods. To top it all off, a glass bottle of coke. Coca-cola has never tasted better, and I got to keep the bottle cap! I will miss Maxwell, Daniel, and all the other crazy awesome builders we had. Went home, packed, had a team meeting, then went out for dinner with Charity and Lucy as a big team thing. Originally was still grumpy at people, but I was prayin’, and I realized this was a time for celebration; the time for conflict had come and gone. I shortly thereafter played looooads of karaoke with friends (Author’s note: “Boys don’t cry” by the cure with Sam, and then “Ghostbusters” with Nicole, Sam, Simon, Aoife, and Laura. Mr. Wilkinson and Mr. Carollan sang “Creep” by Radiohead; the vulnerability of the song showed a different side of the teachers, it was quite touching! And then Mr. Wilkinson and Ms. Watson sang “Bohemian Rhapsody”, stealing me and Laura’s intended song. Still fun though! :D)Lots of fun. Ordered a beef stir fry with noodles. Came with a chili pepper of the VERY spicy variety. I’ve always wanted to eat a whole chili pepper in one go, this seemed as good a time as any. I spent about a solid 3 minutes screaming with a tone that could be generously described as “feminine”, the pain lasted another good 10 mins, but was more subdued. The pain was over, or so I thought. (Dun dun duuuun, to be concluded). The evening concluded with a short speech from Charity, a certificate, and a pretty awesome shirt with shields on it. I look like I’m about to celebrate Kwanza, seriously. Went back to the ho(s)tel, had another short team meeting, and went to sleep.

Tuesday 14th April: Today started just as the last day was ending. Not. I’ve lived my life mostly free of regrets, but now, I have another. Eating that Chili Pepper. It was a little past midnight, and I was wondering if stomach acid would dissolve capsaicin, the spicy ingredient in chili peppers. As I speedily ran to the toilet, I realized this was most likely not the case. The resulting cacophony of caca actually awoke everyone else in the room, and their laughter at my predicament was both loud and merry. I join in, I’m usually so shy about my toilet habits it was almost liberating to have a full-on conversation while violently oneself (Author’s note: ew.) I would not have chosen a worse day to get the skitters though, with a full day of travel ahead. I pumped myself full of immmodium, and felt relatively calm with the two possibilities the day provided me with, that I would either crap my pants or I would not. (Further author’s note: double ew! In fairness, this would almost be “character development”, I would usually freak out in this situation.) But enough about my colon. (Author’s note: finally. Sorry guys, I wanted to edit this, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it! XD) Watched the sunrise at about half four, as the orange slowly bled up the sky, mixing with the purple of the evening as the sun took the day shift. Africa really is a beautiful country. Airport security was simple enough, quick enough. Conveniently enough got a seat next to the jaxx. Decided to watch a movie, “Happy go lucky”, about a bright, positive young lady who dates a sourpuss. 4 stars, looked to be something very mentally invigorating. As the opening credits rolled on, I could not help but glance at my friend Sam’s TV, which proudly displayed the movie “BOLT”. Internal dialogue: “Ah yes, good cinematography, excellent opening sound track, very orchestral…… Hee hee, look at that silly puppy… no! Ah, she is riding a bicycle, she is an enigmatic character, it would seem…. Aw man, was that an explosion? No Lorcan, you are nearly a fully-grown man, this is no time for a childish movie….” I then flicked to BOLT, and thoroughly enjoyed myself, Sundance’s kin trounced by a puppy who thins he has superpowers. 10 hours passed quickly, and I was home before I knew it, with no real trouble from the chili pepper. I fell different now. I can’t put my finger on it, but for whatever reason when I look in the mirror, I see a man. I have learned so many things, but I will share with you three. 1 Dollar equals 5,000 Kwacha, not 10,000. Do not eat a chili pepper in one bite the day before major traveling. And lastly, a real difference can be made in this world, and a real difference must be made in this world.

(Author’s note: Most of the other things I learned through experience, I would recommend you go on one of these trips, you learn so much about life and everything. I’ve been Lorcan Murphy, and I hoped you enjoyed reading these, I hope you learned something, and I hope that someday you go on a trip like this too!)

Also, photos courtesy of Everyone's favorite existentialist carnival ride, Nicole Campbell: Album 1, Album 2, and Album 3!

Yhatzee, bingo, score, and other jubilations!

2009-04-28T14:26:00.000-07:00

So, Contrary to moods of late, I have been feeling much better recently. It started with Discipleship late sunday evening, I love discipleship. Well, to be more precise, I love Jonathan, my youth pastor guy (In a totally Heterosexual and appropriate christian manner, just so that nobody accidentally sues him). It is so very relieving to be able to say what is going on in your life in a totally honest and open manner. I think if I said "You know Jonathan, I'm currently high as a kite on about a monkey's fistfull of valium right now", I honestly don't think he would think less of me. He would care, of course, but, something about him tells me that he cares about people, full stop. A Blameless Elder indeed. We discussed all the sort of things you discuss with a church Elder (I only found out he was an elder, apparently he calls them all "old fogies", lol!), you know, faith issues, Christian Unions, Vomiting zombies, rage, prayer, heaven, all that good stuff (and yes, I did mean vomiting zombies.) It is just so great to be able to get all that stuff off your chest, it doesn't seem so big once it's out, you know? And to have someone to pray for you, that always means so much to me. Praying together, man, there is something so wonderful about it. I've felt so distant from God lately, this felt like a checkup from a Doctor, and I was once again reminded that there is life in following God, it's not all just for nothing. Ahhhh, I do love God. Jonathan really shows me God. By proxy (and otherwise), I love Jonathan! But onto tonights topic: Mock interviews. Dun dun duuuun!

Yes, our school does "Mock Interviews", and I had decided to put myself down for "Youth Pastor". The way it works is the parent's association goes to the effort of tracking down a bazillion interviewers to interview us students, and we put down our names in the hopes of getting someone to interview us. (Ok, at this stage, this post is a week late, so I will keep it simple.) I asked for "youth pastor" and they gave me "Youth worker". At first, I was afraid of whether or not it would be conisdered in a religious setting, so I prayed about it and asked God to help me in the interview. Midway through the interview, a person I had actually worked with in the past by the name of Susan, who works as a youth pastor came in to interview me! It was really sweet. I keep forgetting God does wonderful things and actually does things. Getting better at remembering though.

Dancing at Lughnasa at the Old Vic Theatre.

2009-04-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

So, I just got back from a day trip to London (My first day-trip to said place, but not my first time in London), to see the play "Dancing at Lughnasa" with my English class. This went well! Everything ran like clockwork and I had noodles in a box for lunch. All was well. The play was quite the excellent, it shows different things that don't exactly come through in the text, like why a character is considered charming, when on paper he sounds like a total jerkface. Oh, now I remembered what I wanted to say: I earned a gold medal on the new survival mode in "Left for Dead", right before going to sleep. The level was the airport. Yeah. Horde of zombies around baggage check. The key strategy here was: "EVERYONE BEHIND THE DESK". There is a desk, you see. It wraps around. Everyone gets inside of it, and kicks some zombie kiester. So I was well prepared in case of zombie apocalypse. Until once we got to Gatwick, when I realised "get behind the desk" Doesn't work so well when you don't have guns. Gosh Darned airport security. So tired. Night!

Kinda update

2009-04-24T14:50:00.001-07:00

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=282

Mind the swearing. Just read this, and this sums up what I have been feeling about the new face of "Gamers" for quite a little while. I think I now know how green day fans felt pre-"american Idiot". Way back when, being a gamer was really a nerd thing. Now being a nerd or gamer is trendy. You'd think this would make me especially happy, but it doesn't, really. It is just frustrating to have something you once loved in a niche kinda culture thing just get watered down and sold to the masses. Time back way back when, being a gamer was a bad thing. "Nerd" was a term met with shame and indignation. Somewhere along the line, being a nerd got cool. And that wasn't really what being a nerd was, back in the day. Unfortunately, as the comic states, this has really affected us. Unfortunately, our mommies and daddies in Nintendo and Sony realized that they could make absurd amounts of money by making games about two basic concepts: 1: Very easy. 2: Very simple. This sucks, for us. I think the main reason I am angry about this, is that now being a nerd/gamer is easy. Time used to be that you had to work your thumbs down to bloody stumps to beat a game. They were hard things, Nintendo's originals were renowned for being extremely difficult, for platformers, adventure games and the like. Play The original Legend of Zelda or Zelda II sometime, you'll know what I'm talking about. I realised this when I watched an episode of "The big bang theory" on an airplane recently. Grossly innacurate. For one reason, ladies. The main characters have a supposedly ditzy neighbor that for whatever reason, just loves to hang out with them. And the main character has an awkward past with a lady he slept with. They seem to forget that such lady-folk usually either avoid such types, or simply don't exist. But for what I presume would be ratings, they added some normality to the show. It just pains me to see what I grew up with twist and fan out in so many directions. It's just too easy, I tells ya. So I guess the definition of "Nerd" is expanding to include more people than it did, but unfortunately those of us who had to look up cheat codes to memorise to beat "Mega man 2: Dr. Wily's Revenge", because it was insanely difficult, have been rather left out in the cold, with the advent of so many casual games.

I am going to England tomorrow to see a play called "Dancing at Lughnasa". Laters!

"Oh the times, they are a chaaaa-aaangin" - Bob Dylan

Grumpy bear

2009-04-23T13:02:00.000-07:00

I was going to hardcore funnel my journal in, but I did not feel like doing that, so I will not. I feel kinda like George Bailey from "It's a wonderful life" when he comes home all grumpy and complainy and everyone's like "Dude, WTF?" Grant's also reading this over my shoulder. that is EXTEREMELY IRRITATING. Privacy. I am going to punch him if he doesn't stop tapping me. 3. 2. 1. I just went ballistic and tickled the crap out of him, untied his converse, threw one into our spare room. Then locked said room once he went inside. This was not satisfying. As I was saying. I am a grumpy bear. I am just stressed out. Exams in 6 weeks. I just can't study. I think I'm afraid of responsibility or something. Everytime I think to study, I just magically find myself on the computer reading something or other I honestly find boring. I also will not be doing my piano exams. I was going to attempt grade two. I didn't practice enough. I didn't know my songs well enough, really. It was very frustrating. I didn't even like them, really. I suppose that isn't fair. I liked them, in the way I might think a MCR song is good, listen to it once, then promptly forget it ever existed, but that was about as much as I liked these songs. Bleh. Just feels stupid to have spent those months of what practice I did, which is still fairly considerable. Not enough, but even a maginot line has some bricks in it. Those months, and 90 euro of my parents money, for nothing, really. Except guilt over not knowing them better and some residual shame that I didn't do the exam. I also didn't have any practice for ear-tests or sight reading due to my stay in Zambia, and the fact I felt mildly sick a few times so I just skipped practice. But this is splitting hairs. I am grumpy because I had a responsibility to complete, and I failed at it due to procrastination and all that jazz. Grumpy. Bleh. I think it is ok to be grumpy. Is it? I don't know. Not for too long, and not for no reason, and as long as you don't lash out at people. I suppose I'm just reacting to how I feel. I feel stressed. I don't want to feel stressed. There is no immediate way to escape said stress that I know of. This is frustrating. Frustration leads to a sort of underlying anger and said circumstances. And that leads to the daaaaaaark siiiiide.

I also long for more anonimity on this blog. Which sounds stupid. I mean, if I didn't have my friends reading this, my readership would probably drop to about 1 at best. But it does kinda suck to not be able to talk about people. I mean, I do not wish to gossip about who may or may not totally be secretly dating Adam Meadows *hair swish*, but it would be nice on a few fronts. Like girls. I cannot talk about romance on a blog that people I know read. Someone might read it and tell said person. Or said person might read it themself. Who knows! It could lead to all sorts of drama. And like said grupmy current disposition, sometimes people read stuff like this and react to it in real life. There is something peaceful about not needing to be ok all the time. To know that one is grumpy or sad or frustrated and realize that this is unfortunately a natural part of the current human experience and just surf over the wave of proverbial fecal matter. When someone asks "How are you?" The answer is just about always "Good." Unless you want a long discussion about something that is bugging you. I like how Jesus said that those who are poor in spirit are blessed, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I never understood this, I'm still not sure I do. Does that mean it's better to be feeling down than up? I don't know. But at the very least it is comforting to know that one does not have to have a giant grin on their Chevvy Chase 24/7 to be a Christian. I am going to do a post about webcomics next.

"doot doot dee doot, this lyric totally accompanies this blog well" - I couldn't think of anything.

The BIG ZAMBIA POST... almost

2009-04-18T11:59:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I'm slowing uploading my journals from zambia, but it's nearly a novel in length, so it may take a while. Warning, may contain: Theological musings, uncomfortable truths, large hamming it up, personal development, and more information than you could ever need to know about Lorcan's excretory systems.

In Dublin Airport

2009-04-03T04:59:00.000-07:00

And I am now in dublin Airport! Fuin times for all. Dear lord, I have 35 seconds left on this thing. No time! Aghhhh! Calmed down more. Talk to you guys later, airports aren't scary! AHHH! time out!

The time has arrived.

2009-04-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

So yeah, the big day has finally come. I was moreso focusing on what I was going to do as opposed to where I was going to do it. Zambia in my mind was basically next door, and other than not looking people in the eye (Cultural thing), that was about the most hassle there would be. Which isn't a bad thing, I mean, it is important to focus on what you're going to be doing. People are people, and we're not all that differnent. But as I was packing tonight, it hit me that I was going to be getting on a plane.

Planes take you to other places.
You've never gotten off a plane in a foreign place and recognised it.

It will be different.
There will be airport security.
Airport security.
Dear Lord. Airport security. If things go badly, they check your butt for drugs.
Drugs. Malaria. You could actually get it.
Forever.
Malaria.
And the group. If you get seperated
You
Will
Die
Immediately. In an excruciating manner.

And then my brain just basically caught fire with worry. But I remembered the Lord, and that he took care of his followers. Some were killed because of their faith in him, but it was never his plan for any of us to suffer. He Loves me, and will watch over me. No Harm can come to me while I am there. I should not fear that which destroys the body, but that which destroys the spirit. In that respect, I think I will be safer in Zambia than I ever have been at home. And even, even in the chance that something horrible should transpire, I am bulletproof. O death, where is your sting? I would be sent right up to the father. Disease? Well, that would hurt. But life is more than health. I need to sleep now. Goodnight folks. Oh, and if I explode or something, I Lorcan Murphy, being of yada yada yada, want all my stuff given to the poor. Unless Grant owns it too. That wouldn't be very fair.

"And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear? Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm, oh no, you never let go, Lord, you never let go of me..." -Worship song

Btw, I'm gonna upload journals that I do while I'm there. :P See you on the 13th!

Zelda lore galore!

2009-03-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, this isn't really for those of you who regularly read my blog, this is for all the zelda fans out there who are exteremely confused as to what the crap is going on in between games. The 3-d ones, anyway. This will be a very long post, so if you're not a zelda fan, or don't have a borderline OCD with the timelines (like me ;P), then there are wiser ways to spend your time.

Firstly, let it just be said that most (all) of this will just be theory and massive nerdery on my part.Secondly, don't freak out about it too much. I absolutely wrecked my head trying to make sense of twilight princess, and it kinda ruined the game for me. So take everything with a grain of salt, and at the end of the day, if something doesn't make sense or contradicts previous lore in the games, don't think about it. Ignore it. If you're fighting a giant dragon, don't say "Hey, there haven't been a race of dragons in the Zelda games before!", instead say: "Hey, cool, a dragon.". Learn from my mistakes people. Now that all that is out of the way, let's get right into the hypocrisy of contradicting all that stuff I just said about being halfway normal about it.
Oh, and HUGE SPOILER ALERTS TO FOLLOW.Chapter 1: In the beginning of the beginning.

Ok, so, basically, it all starts off with the 3 godesses, din, fayore, and nayru creating hyrule. Din does the races of people, Nayru creates it so life can exist, and Fayore actually makes the life. Then they vamoose. The place where they left becomes "The Sacred Realm", and the triforce is created when they leave, being housed in the sacred realm(taken from ocarina of time [OoT] Lore, see meeting the princess) . And then for a while, everything is hunky dory. Then word about the triforce gets around, and all hell breaks loose. People get greedy about it, and The Hyrulian Civil War takes place. Amidst the fighting, a Hylian mother decides to try to escape the fighting, for a better chance of life for her baby boy. She flees on horseback to the Kokiri forest, but gets injured along the way. Upon reaching the woods, she asks the Great Deku Tree to take care of her child. Deku tree agrees, sensing that is a "Child of Destiny", and the mother dies. But back to the Civil war. Everyone fights, but a particular group are quite nasty about it, the tribe later known as the Twili, called "Dark Interlopers" at the time. The Godesses create light spirits, and the light spirits decide to end the fighting by punishing the people being the biggest jerks about it, the Dark Interlopers. They are banished to the Realm of twilight. Then, everyone gets along rather nicely, Most of the races unite under the flag of the Royal Family of Hyrule, and everyone hugs and gets high fives. (Hylian mother info taken from Great Deku Sprout, Civil war info taken from Link to the past booklet and Twilight princess scenes).Chapter 2: In the beginning
Ok, Ocarina of time is the first Game, as canonically stated by Shigero Miyamoto himself. And he friggin' invented it, so I'd say he knows. Game starts off with you as the "Child of Destiny" in the above, and you go on an adventure to save the land. I'd talk about the game, but I'll stick to the parts that are confusing. Everything makes sense right up until you come back after getting the third spiritual stone. You reach the gates of hyrule castle town, and everything goes dark. Cue cutscene of Zelda and Impa fleeing, as shown in your dream. Dun dun Duuuuuun! While you were away fighting in Zora's domain, Ganondorf staged a coup against the royal family (which succeeded), in an attempt to get the Ocarina of time. After meeting Ganon, you secretly retrieve the Ocarina of time from the river, and enter the temple of time. You open the door of time, and unbeknownst to you, ganon is watching, you, waiting to make his move. You pull the master sword from the pedestal of time, and a portal opens to the sacred realm. (I always presumed the portal was all that blue light shenanigans). Ganon enters the portal with you, and lays hands on the triforce. Due to his imbalanced heart, the triforce splits in three parts. Ganondorf gets the triforce of Power, and You and Zelda get the Triforce of Courage and Wisdom, respectively. However, due to your young age, the sage of light, Rauru, kept you in the chamber of the sages for 7 years until you were old enough to seriously kick some ass. Just to say a little on the chamber of the sages, it is housed in the Sacred Realm itself, in the Temple of light, and stands as the last bastion against evil in the sacred realm. The sacred realm isn't really explored much in Ocarina of Time, but it is totally explored in "Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past".

After Ganon gets his hands on the triforce, the sacred realm goes to hell, and ganon comes back with the triforce of Power, intent on kicking Hyrule's collective ass and establishing an eeeeeeevil Kingdom. Which he does. Then after 7 years, you come back intent on kicking Ganon's ass. And now, a word on sages. In Ocarina of time, you have to wake the 6 sages to seal ganondorf in the sacred realm. But Rauru says that the temple of light was built by the "Ancient Sages", which seems to note a difference between the six sages and the Ancient Sages. That'll be important for later nitpicking. You Awaken the sages, kick ganon's ass, and then, Zelda does something that will drive future Zelda fans insane for centuries to come. She sends Link Back to his original time, back 7 years, to his childhood. This creates two timelines, and here is where the madness sets in.

Chapter 3: The Child Timeline

This is the timeline for Link, when he is sent back to his past. It is important to note that he still possesses the triforce, as seen here , right at the very end. That will be important later. Link is sent back 7 years, and as seen in the final cutscene, Zelda reacts in exactly the same fashion as to the cutscene when you first meet her. This is up for dispute, and is my personal theory, which is where I could be wrong, but it makes enough sense to me. She's got fancy sage magic, she could wrap up any loose ends. So, you are sent back 7 years to the time when you leave Kokiri Forest, off to meet the princess. You warn Zelda about Ganon's Plot (See 2:29), and then depart to try and find your old fairy friend Navi, who departed at the end of Ocarina of Time, and run into the Skull Kid, who robs you of your Ocarina, causes hell, and leads you into an alternate dimension known as termnia, for the adventure known as "Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask". That adventure is just great and awesome, and you return to Hyrule. At some point, Ganon goes through with his coup d'etat, only this time, with forewarning, the Royal Family is prepared. Ganon is captured and excecuted.

Only not quite. Ganon posesses the Triforce of Power, and thus, seemingly returns to life, kills the ancient sage of water, and is all set to go on a slaughterfest, when the Ancient Sages notice something. Just for a word on the Ancient Sages, Rauru notes a difference between the Ancient Sages, who built the temple of light in the sacred realm, and the 6 sages needed to seal away ganondorf in the sacred realm. So I presume these are the guys that Rauru was talking about. Anyway, back to the story. The sages notice that Ganondorf is standing right smack dab in the middle of the device used to seal away the Dark Interlopers, the Twili, who were sealed into the Twilight Realm for causing such rucus during the Hyrulian Civil war. The sages activate the Mirror of Twilight, and Ganondorf is banished to the Realm of Twilight. Things seems to be cool for a while, and cake and punch is enjoyed by all. Except for the ancient sage of Water, Because he is dead.
Now, for a word on how the heck Ganondorf got his grubby mitts on the Triforce of Power. In the Child Timeline, Ganondorf never touched the triforce, and so he should never have obtained it. However! I also said that Link still has the triforce of courage, marked on the back of his hand, when he returns to his childhood, so there is a problem there. There can only be one triforce of courage obviously, so here where fact turns into theory, I suppose, As I said before, I could be wrong on the theory stuff. When someone touches the triforce, if their heart is imbalanced, it will split into three, and the other two pieces will find the two people most suited to each piece of the triforce. So logically, if Link went back in time still possessing the triforce of courage, the existing triforce would have split up as if it had been touched, and the triforce would have gone to it's other two respective owners, ala Zelda and Ganondorf. At any rate, this post is about 2 months late and I've totally lost my place, so here it is, Lorcan's post on Zelda Lore in all it's unfinished glory. And why yes, I totally and completely did ignore the early games and most all gameboy games. Rejoice!

"......"- Link

No... No.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

2009-03-25T12:08:00.000-07:00

"WHY? WHY HAVE THEY DONE THIS TO US? WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO THEM? I've.... I've always, I've always been faithful, haven't I, Grant? We've.. We've always been faithful, haven't we? They... Why? Why would they do this to us? We've done nothing wrong! Tell me we don't deserve this, grant. Tell me we deserve better than this. WHY? WHY? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" These were the words I spoke to my brother, as he cradled me in his arms, controller still in hand. "What Lorcan? What happened? What's wrong?"

I will bring you back with me 5 minutes. I was reading TV tropes. I like TV tropes. I was reading this page . Then I read the line at the bottom. One solitary word escaped past my lips, taking the last remnants of my sanity along with it, my lucidity had become evanescent in lieu of this dark, WIKCED. WICKED EVIL INFORMATION. "No. "

"As of January 15th, he's slated to play Spike Spiegel in the recently announced live-action adaptation of Cowboy Bebop produced by 20th Century Fox. Fingers crossed that he handles it better than Mark Wahlberg did with Max Payne..."

God help us. God help us all. I raced to Wikipedia, desperate to reveal this as a hoax, a sham, for life to still have meaning, for the knowledge that the sun would indeed rise again. No. No sun., only blackness. Cowboy Bebop is my favorite anime. It was my first anime. My father introduced me and my brother to it, and in this way we went from children to men. Even if it was only for 30 minutes a week, we were men.I will not try to share with you what is was, for words cannot do it justice. It is like a Passionate kiss, or the first sight of your firstborn child, it must be experienced.

And now, 20th Century fox have... decided to make a live action film of it. And to play the role of Spike Spiegel, the protaganist, around whom the plot, life, and love of the entire story orbit like so many beautiful, mysterious planets, for this, they have cast.... The bile rises in my throat as I type this. They... they have cast... Keanu Reeves. This knowledge passes weightily from me, as though I just informed someone of their father's death.

My Brother and I shared a scream, a yell of pain, so deep, it seemed to come from the very core of suffering itself. I said in closing, as though to seal up this affront to all things good in this world, "Why have they done this? Why do they rape all I love? I don't go to the Fox excecutive's house and force his wife to have sex with me, so why he to that which I love? Firefly. Futurama. Why?"

Why?

Song of Healing

2009-03-23T12:35:00.001-07:00

So, I haven't posted in forever, but anyway. Just had the totally most awesome experience with the piano. For the president's award, I needed to pick a skill to build up, and I had heard a few super awesome video game songs for the piano, so I thought I would learn piano! The very first song I properly learned for the piano was "Song of Healing", composed by Koji Kondo for the Videogame "Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask". Can I just say, I am a GIANT Legend of Zelda fan. "Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening" for the Game Boy was the very first videogame I ever even played. And "Majora's Mask" Is my favorite game from the series, if not my favorite game full stop. The gameplay is a little short, but the storytelling is fantastic. The game has a lot of side-quests, which accumulates in you earning a bunch of masks. I shall explain why this song is relevant, and why I think it is awesome.

The game starts off with the protagonist, Link, searching for his old friend, Navi the fairy, who helped him in his previous quest to save Hyrule, but then left once the adventure was over for reasons never fully explained (In a mysterious, bittersweet kind of way, not just a plot hole.). He is searching through the Lost woods, when he is flung off his horse and knocked unconcious. A humanoid creature lurks forward from the trees, bearing the appearance of a scarecrow, wearing a purple, spiked mask (3 guesses for who it belongs to, it starts with an M and end with ajora). He searches Link's belongings, and steals the Ocarina of Time, a gift from the princess of Hyrule, filled with bittersweet memories and emotional significance, and contained great power. (The name of the previous game was Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time, for just an idea.) And the Skull kid steals it. By this time, Link has regained conciousness and the cruel skull kid leaps on his horse and rides off, with Link in hot pursuit. You follow the cretin through a twisting area, culminating in a fall through a great abyss, landing softly after a long fall. The skull kid is awaiting you, floating casually across you from a lake. He torments you, giggling as he tells you how he killed your horse, and then rattles his head like a maraca, accompanied by an insane fit of the giggles. The rattling curses you, and you become a Deku. Basically, our dear Link has turned into wood, a veritable pinnochio. You chase him through a twisting corridor, and eventually, find yourself in the most unlikely of places: A clock tower. A strange (Very strange) man approaches you, and knows of your cursed condition. He explains that the Skull Kid stole Majora's mask from him, and offers to remove your curse if you can get his mask back. Long story short, you find the skull kid, knock the ocarina out of his hands, and through it's previously mentioned magnificent power, manage to reverse the three days you spend tracking him down. You return to the Bizzare man, and he plays you this song, The song of Healing. You play it back to him, and are returned to your human form. You, however, neglect to mention that you got your ocarina back, but not his mask, resulting in him violently shaking you. Good times ensue.

That was a crappy explanation of it, the full intro to the game can be seen Here, Here, and Here.
The part where you are returned to human form can be seen Here
There is just something about being lost and lonely, having all you knew stripped of you, arriving in a strange land, and being turned into something you were never meant to be resonates deeply with my heart. And in the end, you are returned to your former self, able to take on the challenges you are presented with. I think it's a wonderful intro to a game.
Anyway, back to the piano-ness. So, this was the first proper song I ever learnt on the piano. I loved learning it, loved playing it, and played it regularly. But as I have taken up grades, my spare time to play things I want to play has dwindled, and mostly died. I sat down, and remembered this song. I wanted to play it. I knew the opening melody off by heart, but how much of the song remained in my mind? I played the opening bars, only to find the notes quickly escaping me, just out of reach, like a sense of shame at not being able to remember the face of a friend from your childhood. I pressed on. I followed the melody as best I knew, and then worked and struggled with the left hand accompaniment. every few moments, my toil was rewarded, and my emotions drove my fingers to venture to where my brain could not, enfeebled by lack of practice, like a muscle that has atrophied. I worked and worked at the music, until I hit a roadblock. I had fully recalled the right hand melody, but the left hand accompaniment remained out of recall. I would play a few bars of music, and I would reach a dead end. There were sharps and flats involved, but my fingers did not know exactly there they fell. I replayed the same bars over and over, but the notes were nowhere to be found. I despaired. And in that despair I stormed the ramparts of my recollection, playing more with my heart than my brain, and my hands suddenly knew where to go, without a thought. Music flowed from my fingertips, and my heart was very glad to hear this song again, like the voice of a long-lost friend. In my tempo, in my way, the way I learned it, and the way I loved it. Sometimes piano can seem like a chore, but when I am working at what I want to learn, it is a wonderful experience.

Disc Eiffel Ship

2009-03-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

So, I just got back from a little discipleship thingy with my youth pastor, Jonathan Shaw, it was quite good! For those of you who don't know what discipleship is, allow me to educate you in very minor detail, as I don't know much about it myself. Apparently, it is when someone who is a little older in their faith as a follower of Jesus decides to take someone younger in their faith "Under their wing" so to speak, like an older mentor sort of thing, and meet up with them on a regular basis to discuss life, faith, and everything from "Life to Relationships to Homophobia to catching a bus, or even making pizza!" As he said, quite eloquently. It's really a great oppurtunity for me, I'm feeling quite grateful, even honored, though truth be told I don't know why he chose me instead of someone else, I mean, all the other guys in the youth group are sound as a pound, so it's beyond me! Well, it's me and a friend of mine, Damian are currently getting mentored, to be precise. It's a nice oppurtunity to be honest about your faith without worrying what people are gonna think, or afraid that you won't be allowed to leave until it's "fixed". I'm looking forward to this! We're meeting up bi-weekly at the moment, and I'd always kinda hoped for a discipleship thingy like this. Jonathan's quite the example anyway, always very kind and patient. And he landed me that sweet public speaking gig so I'm looking forward to learning more from him!

Nexus!

2009-03-08T05:04:00.000-07:00

Had Nexus over last night (Having, really, he's here right now. Say something, Nexus! )

Nexus Saaaaaaaays: Lost the game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:P

He came to the super-awesome youth club I attend, X-IT, at grosvenor, it was quite the awesome! Good times had by all.

We just made delicious pancakes (American style, fo' shizzle) and they were scrumptious. SCRUMPTIOUS!
Anyway, I'm going to stop being antisocial and actually do stuff with dear Nexus now. He needs to start blogging again

General Stuffs

2009-03-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

Like I said, running out of clever title names. At any rate, I haven't done a post on what's goin' down in my life in general in a little while, so I thought I'd update a little. I got both a new bike, and a new phone, the cost of both running just under 500 euro, so not too shabby all things considered.

The phone is the LG "KF310" model, and all things considered was quite a good buy! It's got a super awesome sliding screen thing, which means I can just turn it sideways and push it against my head when I want to hang up after a call! It's got all the nifty gadgets a phone should have, and what's more, skype and MSN messenger! I was really looking forward to getting skype on this phone, because apparently 3 are cheap on texts, pricey on calls. And skype calls, even to non-skype, are dirt cheap! I have now also gotten the hang of predictive text, it was a thousand times simpler than I thought it would be and is insanely useful. I haven't really needed the oppurtunity to use the MSN function yet, but I'm sure that's useful as well. :P And also, the day has finally come when they give you more money than you pay for for buying a new phone. This one was quite affordable at around 75 Euro, and came with 120 euro free credit. It's given to you in 10 euro monthly installments, but it suits my needs just fine. I think when the credit runs out, I think I'm just going to give this one away and get a new one, it will still be cheaper than paying for credit, all things considered! The phone is quite nice, but has a bit of a short battery life lasting around 3-4 days with minimal usage, and the camera is really for snapshots only, but that's hardly a problem, and at only 75 euro, I'd reccomend it! Affordable, flexible, and you can slam it shut on the side of your head. Who could ever ask for more?

In bike related news, for about a week, I was riding my mom's old bike. Now when I say old, I mean Old. It's a piece of lovely machinery with a futuristic look that seems to have fallen out of the 80's, and that in and of itself was something of an endearment. It also had a light generator on it, which made cycling difficult, but the concept of generating my own electricity was just awesome. Me and my brother occaisionally are bereft of bikes for brief periods of time, due to theft, flat tires, and the like, and so we both know the one problem this bike suffers, which is explained in the name that we have affectionately bestowed upon it: Bonerattler. The bike, unfortunately, has absolutely no shocks whatsoever. Which kinda makes biking more fun as you gently hum to yourself over bumps in the road, hearing your voice vibrate to it's own tune. The brakes were allright, all things considered, and I actually wouldn'tve minded keeping it, but alas, as I said, this was my mother's bike (although she has not ridden any two-wheeled mode of transport in several years), and so I had to return it eventually. My dear dad came across a secondhand bike, a "Trek" one, if I recall, for 390 Euro. Not bad, apparently the bike is some sort of greek adonis of bicycles, but due to it's secondhand (Although hardly used) Nature, my dad managed to find it at quite an affordable price! I spent some time looking for bikes myself, in my defense, but my dad has a nose for this sort of thing, so it came as no surprise that he found the better deal than I. In the end, I've got a new bike that works just fine, but part of me misses the old clanky Bonerattler. I've definately learned more gratitude for what I have, from the fancy secondhand bike to the clanky ol' Bonerattler, and I love them both very much. I'll let you guys know if I end up getting a name for the new one!

On a different note, I saw the most beautiful bird today, I do believe it was a raven. It was an absolutely beautiful black beast of a bird, with a body as black as midnight and feathers iridescent of purple and black. Really, quite a spectacular fowl. I kept trying to get a picture of him with my new phone, but like I said, it really is only for snapshots, so it didn't work out. I've got a snapshot of him in my mind though, and that shan't be dissapearing anytime soon.

Denno Coil - A circle of children

2009-03-03T13:29:00.001-08:00

So, I just finished watching a really great anime called "Denno Coil" with my brother! The kinda crappy news is that, because I don't believe in video piracy, my brother had to lie to me to get me to watch it. Licenced on veoh, my rump. But I suppose video piracy is a blog for another day.

At any rate, about this anime. It's really good! It revolves around a group of pre-teen children, with age ranges from about 7-12, so you would think that the series would be very airy and kinda dumb at heart, but it's not! As is with most anime, the first season is more lighthearted and sets up plot for the second season, which is darker and more plot-related, as opposed to the wacky hijiinks of the first season. It takes place in the near future, 2026, and revolves around a group of children who all have Augmented reality devices, which take form in video glasses they wear, which allows them to access cyberspace. Interestingly, the cyberspace also affects them, with "Illegal" programs in high demand for their components. The world is split in two, "Updated space" and "obsolete space", which is regularly updated to "Updated space" by the software company the produces the glasses. But all the fun stuff comes from the "Obsolete space", where illegal programs roam free, until they are hunted down by little children with a heafty dose of spunk and attitude!

The First season is really great, and has some light humour while establishing characters with very distinct personalities, and occaisionally touching the softer notes of human emotion, like loss and memories. The Second season is far better, if you are of a more mature audience, with plot points planted in the first season ripened and harvested with addictive mystery and consequence. It's really great, the second season has moments that really bring you to tears, it's very deeply touching. They talk a lot about distance and disconnection from people and reality, and it's all very relevant and eloquently put, when the kids venture into literally forbidden territory, the "Coil Space", where the more dangerous programs roam, which possess the ability to seperate your conciousness from your earthly body, inducing a coma. The show has a lot of mystery elements, keeping you laughing while wondering what's really going on behind the scences. It's interesting, pulls at your heart, and if nothing else, is adorable without relent. It's definately in my top 5 Anime of all time!

Also, I forgot to mention, at one point it has a Little girl's cybernetic beard commit nuclear warfare on the girl's face. Top that, suckas!

Busy!

2009-03-02T14:07:00.001-08:00

Only time for a short blog post, I'm afraid. I'm busy, needing to practice piano more. It's frustrating, I'm thinking of dropping grades, keeping lessons, and just learning songs I want to learn instead, if that's possible. Also, I'm reading "Wild at Heart" just after reading "Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. I would reccomend IR, it's really a fantastic book for any christian, EVER. I'll probaly blog about it when spare time becomes available again. Not liking "Wild at Heart" so far, it's supposed to be a book about being a christian MAN for God, but it's coming off a little Duke-Nukem, like you're not really a man as God wants you to be unless you're a lumberjack who chops down bears instead of trees. He mentions three things as core to a man's soul:
1) A battle to fight
2)An adventure to follow
3) A beauty to rescue

He is certain that adam, yes, even adam, had the desire to fight things instilled in him. I think we will all be dissapointed when we go to heaven and there's no more things to punch, if that is the case. And he doesn't mean it very metaphoricly, he really does see violence as a good part of human nature. Unless you're a peacekeeper or something. But who wants to be "Soft". (I'm not kidding, he says this.) I'm shocked at his sexist attitudes, and his certainty of his correctness. The last part is pretty wrong too, in my opinion. Jesus said it was better not to marry (If it was something you could do and still be happy, keep in mind), and paul, who was celibate, wrote half the new testament. He was certain, I am not kidding here, absolutely certain that Jesus was more like Braveheart than Mother Teresa. William wallace, who fought to liberate the scots by leading a bloody, although some would say deserved, war, simply cannot compare to that silly old nun who devoted her entire life to helping the poor, hungry, the diseased, the outcasts. I am not even kidding here. The book is currently filling me with a bizzare mix of shame and anger. Shame at my apparent lack of maddening testosterone, and rage that such sexist, emotionally driven words are advocated. It's driving me crazy, it has compelled me to actually verbally groan and growl at those words. Some of what he says is true, but when it comes to manhood, I think this guy needs to realise that although Jesus is coming at the end of time with a two-edged sword, in a cloak covered in blood, that his sword is not our sword to wield, that he who lives by the sword dies by the sword, and only one who has beaten death deserves to wield it. Bleh. He called a general blowing up a house full of nazis a parable. Frustrating. Short blog post, heh.

Connect 09!

2009-02-24T11:47:00.000-08:00

So, got back from connect 09 a few days ago, that's a "Christian teen conference" if you wanna be all official about it, but in layman's terms it's a place for a whole crapload of teenagers to get together to worship, learn more about God, and have fun. This camp was quite fun, I will tell you that! There was a disco, professional christian hip hop dancers, and friends to have a good time with. I will get the negative out of the way early, so I can just get it out of my system early.

It was very fun, but not very challenging. At the end of the camp, we were asked in our discussion groups "What made you feel challenged?" And I answered "I don't know, really." Later on, I thought about it, and I have a revision of that answer. "To be more connected with God." And that is a fine challenge, that has actually pushed me back into spending seperate time from the rest of my life to read my bible, and then actually pray about it. But, I just don't know. At the beggining of the camp, they did a short promo video, which mentioned the word "Addiction" as a few short words describing what the camp would comprise and adress. Addiction was not mentioned once. Throughout the entire camp. There was time for hip-hop dancers and a rave, but there was not time to adress issues like self harm, eating disorders, or global poverty. I understand that this is in interest of the secular attraction side of the camp, to keep people interested in coming even without the faith aspect of it, but, it just felt all so false, so superficial. When people talk about what made them to decide to put their trust in Jesus, I'm pretty sure "Hip hop dancers" Usually doesn't top the list. Unfortunately, "Shhh" time was also shortened to 15 minutes to fill out a question sheet rather than a half an hour to try and listen to what God had to say to you. This cheesed me off to no end. But that said, I would not have any experience in these things, so they could well be neccissary attractions to keep us all from getting bored and leaving. Perhaps this camp was more geared toward attracting people to Jesus rather than encouraging people allready connected to take their faith more seriously, but I felt like as a christian, a deeper connection with Jesus was offered as a safe, gentle kind of decision, when I suppose to a certain extent I needed a swift kick in the behind. Which probably says more about where my faith was at that time.

Wow, that was a lot of negative. Anyway! Onto the positive!

The camp was very, very hilarious. The main method of camp announcements was a few short videos of Andrew Gill and Tim Evens in HEAVILY overdone english accents telling us all about "The rooles a regulatiouns that wee would be following at camp connect. Yes. Spiffing." This may sound absolutely retarded, but I guarantee you, it was hilarious! The short skits and other things they did at the begginning of every meeting were good too, I guess I was just hoping for something deeper. Should've gone to "Deeper" I guess, if it was what it says on the tin! :P It was very, very funny. It was wonderful to see old friends and talk, hang out, and spend some time together. They had a lovely option to go to a disscussion group during free time, which included topics such as "How to live as a christian in a sex-mad world" and "How to live as a christian in an apathetic world." I attended both, but attended the latter because I was secretly hoping someone would tell us the secret to how not to be apathetic. I struggle with apathy, and to me, it can be one of the deadlier sins. When the call comes to change the world, to live for it's creator and love the poor, the lonely, and to genuinely make the world a more wonderful place to live, I find it shamefully easy to go ".....ehh.......Meh." And walk away. I'd like to think I'm getting better though. One of the final readings they had was of Colossians 6-7 from the message, and to be honest, this was the swift kick I needed, I suppose I just wanted more of them.

6-7"My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving."

I really felt like God was speaking to me here. I can sit around and quibble about what scriptures mean, and try to bend and ignore the parts I don't want, when they're the parts that will give life purpose and meaning. I was looking for a way to procrastinate my faith, mumbling that I didn't know enough yet, or that it was too complex. But God said these words to me, I don't know it all, but God has given me to strength and endurance to run this race, and I have been sitting on it on the sidelines still waiting for something I've had all along. Faith.

Anyway, personal excursions aside, and back to the camp. One of the most exiting parts of camp was Andrew Gill's (We call him Fishy) talk, and the 2nd night in general. During worship, as one of the songs was ending, all the lights went out, just for a moment, and the band froze in place. Then the lights came back on, it was actually pretty cool! During Fishy's talk, he talked briefly about getting closer to God, and then asked Ruben (Another leader) to come up on stage. Halfway through Ruben's trek to the stage, the lights went out again. This time, they didn't come back on. We all thought what a neato little trick it was, and wondered what it had to do with the talk. Then Fishy came up on stage and told us that there had been a power cut, to remain in the room, and to await further instruction. Part of me was worried there'd be some sort of craziness or something, like a riot or a stampede, but everyone kept their cool quite well! And then, something wonderful happened. Fishy couldn't talk without a microphone, as yelling over a whole gymnasium full of teens will wrench your vocal cords out, so the worship band got out 2 accoustic guitars, the only things that could make music, and we had "Throne Room", an extended time of worship through song, right there, in the dark. It lasted for about half an hour, and it was an incredible experience. Because there were no working amps, everyone had to crowd near to the stage, and we all just sang and sang, songs of praise and wonder. We were close to each other, and I that time was my closest time to God throughout the whole camp, a time when all the coolness and interesting bits were stripped away, and all that was left was the option to worship God, or to wait in the dark. And I sang and sang, it was so beautiful. We were all in the dark, unsure if the lights would come back on in the next minute, next hour, or next week, but we were in the dark together, united in our purpose to thank God for all he had done in our lives, even if we couldn't see. It was really wonderful, and I think God spoke powerfully to us by the power cut. Eventually they brought out glowsticks and it almost turned a little hippie-ish, I would not have been opposed to a "Kum-bay-ah", to be honest! They then organized a few little games for us, and we eventually went down to the Hub, which was on backup power, and had a big dance fest! Looking back, I didn't go to the prayer room once, which is pretty sad. Not that I didn't pray, I just didn't take seperate time to connect with God. I think I expected to show up, have God connect with me, and then just kick back. I am desperately afraid of work, so I was afraid of working to maintain a relationship with God. But it really is the only way to truly live, and though it is hard sometimes, living for God , he loves us and does so much for us, and wants to let us help him heal the world so much, that deciding to take upon the good yoke, the light yoke, really is the best way of living.

And on a closing note, I did end up doing those two book reviews, albiet finishing them up the night before, I'm sad to say. I'm waiting for the video to load now, and the tension is just underneath unbearable. I am quite afraid I made an arse of myself up on stage, and everyone was too polite and kind to let me know I looked a fool. You can find a link of it here, I come in at about 16:10, my review lasts about 2 minutes, and if you sniff deeply, you can even smell the fear. I was absolutely terrified beforehand, every part of my body was screaming "Get out! Get out while you still can! Flee! They'll be understanding of your fear! RUN! RUN! RUN!" But God helped me keep my cool, assuring me that it was all ok, even if I messed up and forgot all the words. Upon looking at it, I think I did allright! I mean, I stumbled over my words a little, my eenunceeaashun was a little lacking, and I used my notes, but all in all, I think I did pretty darn good for my first time!

Hooray!

2009-02-20T02:58:00.000-08:00

My brother's iPod magically un-bricked itself after drying out overnight. High five!

Off to connect. May actually post while there, if possible!

When it rains it pours....

2009-02-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

Ahhh friiiiiick. I just knocked over a mug of tea, getting the table, my brother's keyboard, and his nano wet. It's still in the functional grey zone, it's working, but the buttons are unresponsive, trapped in a purgatory between "Absolutely fine" and "Absolutely bricked". Hopefully it starts working again, otherwise it'll be another 200 euro to get a new one. Today I went about looking for cheap bikes after mine got stolen. Yesterday, I went to get a new phone, I guess that's a different blog though. I'm still looking for a pair of shoes I like after my old ones went kaput after wear, tear, and warping due to total saturation. In short, I will have to take out a little under 1000 euro to pay for the total financial dookie I have so certainly thrust myself into this month. This accompanied with a lecture from my parents every time the topic comes up. Man, right about now I could do with a bagpacking to raise funds for all this crap! BLEH!

Going to Connect tomorrow, hopefully things start to look up once I get out of the county. As I've said, I live a very blessed life, with all my physical needs taken care of, it's just that having this much money chucked out of your savings in the one time is pretty stressful.

Further bike-related info

2009-02-16T01:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks for the sympathy guys! On a biblical note, I am currently reading The letters of Peter, which talk a lot about living for God with joy even in times of suffering, which I mean, I'm not really suffering all that much, but it's still applicable! It was kinda funny in a frustrating way when I got home. You see, I have this "Bible-verse-a-day" peel-away calendar that I got for christmas, when I walked up to my room, the verse for the day was Psalm 149:5 "Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing alound upon their beds." And I laughed, and then walked away. I then felt like this might be one of those little challenges you get from God every now and again, and I then actually returned to my room, lied down on the bed, and quietly sang a worship song. To be honest, I didn't really feel like singing, and I didn't feel altogether joyful, but it's important to give thanks to God even when you're not really feeling it, I think.

Also, there is a hilarious co-incidence about my bike being stolen at that time. At some time around 1-4 o clock PM (Western European time), nearly the exact same time my bike was stolen, Lance Armstrong got his stolen as well! And then, do you know what he did? He freaking twittered about it, like I did! Will the comparisons never cease? I sent him a twitter just now telling him of this co-incidence, if he replies back the whole theft thing will almost be worth it! That's just too funny, I think! I almost feel some sort of pride, in a way!

And just to clarify for anyone out there who watches scrubs, I did not steal the idea of naming my bike "Sasha" from JD. As a matter of fact, I stole it from the Heavy Weapons Guy from Team Fortress 2. A Friend of mine brought this up, so I thought I'd just clarify!

Awww....... frick.

2009-02-15T09:49:00.000-08:00

Man, I just got back from bucket collecting in town, went to collect my bike, and..... frick. Gone. Nicked. On futher investigation of the crime scene, I found a my shattered bike lock and little shards of plastic from it's destruction. Very grumpy luas ride home.

It was one of those moments in life that would seem really easy to pin on some sort of cruel God. He's not though, trust me. It was just circumstance. I had made a lot of positive choices recently, some to do with my money and my time, and then my bike got nicked. Back when I thought God was just some angry jerk in the sky, I used to love pinning stuff on him. Anything that went wrong was obviously the act of some great sky bully. But since then, I have learned that sometimes things just happen, and coincidentally, sometimes they super suck when combined with other things. One of the most relieving lessons I've learned from God is that not everything happens for a reason. Some things happen for a reason, but sometimes, things just suck. Here's a great verse that a friend has as her MSN message that really helped me understand this.

Ecclesiastes 9:11
11 I have seen something else under the sun:
The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

I don't believe God was punishing me for some sin I had committed by sending some guy (or lady, just to avoid sexism.) to steal my bike. I believe some guy wanted to steal a bike for whatever reason, be it money or otherwise, and he broke my lock and then ran off with it.

The bad and extremely grumpy news is, I have to pay for the bike. My parents are distressed that I would leave it in town, and thusly are extracting the payment out of my bank account. The childcare that we recieve from the Govt. goes into my bank account anyway, but it's still frustrating that it's coming out of my proverbial pocket. What makes me mad is, my dad was surprised that I even left it in town. This morning, we had a minor argument over my plans for the weekend coming out of the blue. I explained to him that I had already told him and my mom about this, and then he recalled that I had told them, but he didn't remember the details. "I guess I just wasn't paying attention to what you were saying", he said with a chuckle. Then after that was cleared up, I told him, while dressed in fluorescent vest and with a bicycle hemlet firmly planeted on my noggin that I was bucket collecting in Graphton street today. He nodded in consent, and I was off, which I presumed meant that he was ok with me leaving my bike in town, as I had just explained all this to him while wearing a bicycle helmet. Upon returning home, he was surprised to hear that I had not only biked to said destination, but the destination was in fact, town. Grr! He then explained to me that they had told me that leaving my bike in town was a bad idea, which I did not understand to translate into having to pay nearly 500 euros out of my money in the event of theft.

I suppose I was relatively comfortable with having my bike stolen until I learned that I was the one who had to pay for it. On the luas I realised I had to forgive this person. I found it easy enough to do, I suppose. It's just a possession, and those come and go. Maybe the concept of a person being responsible for this misfortune and the misfortune itself is a little seperated in my mind. All the same, my bike's nicked, and I gotta pay for the new one. All things considered, this a minor problem in the grander scale of things, and my life is still showered with more blessings than I could count! I look forward to the new earth where rust and moth do not destroy, and theives do not break in and steal. I'll be able to ride my bike down streets of gold to go to.... I don't know what exactly there would be in heaven that I would have to bike to, but maybe I'd be biking up to see the sunrise with Jesus. That seems like a thing I'd like to bike to. Maybe we could ride our bikes together, and we wouldn't even need to lock them to the trees. I'd say
"Man, that is beautiful. Thank you so much for this. Good work by the way, it's very pretty!"
and he might say something along the lines of
"You're welcome, and thanks!"
It would be great.

And now, for the bike itself, let us have a moment of silence. (Unless you're reading this out loud to yourself, I don't think I'm asking too much of you here.) I don't recall ever definitively naming her, but I believe I once called her "Sasha", and that is enough for me. She was a good bike, with strong brakes that didn't wear down, she once had a high-tech speedomether that I loved, until it stopped working. Her gears worked well, and I regret not oiling them, she deserved better than that. *Sniff* We had our ups and downs, like that one time her front wheel came off and I somersaulted and she landed on me, crushing my leg. I will never forget the times she transported me tirelessly to church and youth club, and for that, she will always have a place in my heart. Farewell Sacha, I hope whatever dude that stole you is taking good care of you.

For freedom

2009-02-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

And now, at last, I can make noise again! I know now how the dudes in the two videos below me felt at the time! Ok, they're both fictional, but still! (Neither are safe for work, both include the F-bomb, just in case you didn't want to hear that) But I think I can relate, the only times I really wanted to speak were to yell at somebody. With all that pent up frustration and anger, I can see why their first choice of words would be quite angry ones. Anticlimactily, my first word was "Yes.". I had planned to make it just one big yell, but we have elderly neighbors and it was first thing in the morning, so I didn't want to cause a ruckus. Had an argument with the parents last night. Ever try to have an argument on little pieces of paper? It's the most frustrating thing since unrequieted love. My mom angrily demanded that I "Stamp once for yes, twice for no. Like a horse.", Instead of learn the sign language for yes and no. Adamant that my neck wasn't really sore, like I motioned it to be. My dad also kept punching me in the shoulder, it was driving me crazy. The times I've wanted to just smack my parents are few and far between, but scarce has my inspiration for smackage been that intense.

2nd day!

2009-02-11T06:07:00.000-08:00

Man, it's the second day, and I have to say, things are definately looking up! I invested a surpirsingly small amount of time into learning just a liiittle bit of sign language, which helped a lot. I wrote down a few words (Seriously, all I really needed was 9-10 to get through the day) on a sheet of paper, memorized them surprisingly quickly, and set off to school! For this to work, you do kinda need to educate people in what the signs mean, otherwise people won't get it, but if you hold the card up with one hand, and do the sign with the other, people catch on pretty quick! You'll save yourself a lot of neckache from nodding and wagging your noggin like a bobblehead, trust me! It was absolutely wonderful to be able to express myself again, even to a small degree, even if it was just to say the simplest of phrases, "yes", "no", "good", "thank you", "Your mother is a classy lady", you know, the simple stuff! (No joke, I did actually learn the latter, it got people interested in what I was saying!)

I can see how we can fall into addictions and stuff like that, when you have this need to let it all out, but lack the ability to do so, all you want is to scream and shove all the bottled up emotions out of you! I think this is going to give me a newfound appreciation for expression, it really is great, I would advise anyone reading this to give a sponsored silence, a go, even if it's just for a day. Raise money for charity (You can give it to my habitat fund, if you like :P), learn some sign language (not mandatory, but it helps!) and as they say, you don't realise how much you need something tell it's gone, so give it up for a day! You'll appreciate the next day just that much more. Just a few tips:

-Let people know about it beforehand, so that you don't have to explain what you're doing.
-Get permission from your workplace or school if you're doing it there
-Learn some basic sign language (the region doesn't really matter)
-Make some little cards that say what the few signs you've learned are
-Print out a little sheet explaining what you're doing and why, for those who don't know!
-Most importantly, (though this might differ depending on your type of silence) get a notepad and a good, solid pencil. There are some things you need to write down that can't be communicated by a short game of charades!
And other than that you can manage!

This whole not talking thing led me to reading a short story by Harlan Ellison Entitled "I Have no mouth, and I must scream". It's a sci-fi/horror story that won several awards some years ago, It's dark as midnight and frightening as the grave, and more than a little worrying. To put it bluntly, the author wrote of hell. If you've read "Blue like jazz" than you'll understand what I mean when you read it. If you haven't read "Blue like jazz", you'll understand what I mean when you read it. It's not for the faint of heart, I assure you. Not safe for work, not safe for children, very deeply disturbing. It is Hell.

The Definition of Frustration

2009-02-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

So! As you may or may not know, ( You will know if you follow me on twitter) I am currently on a 48 hour sponsored silence, so that means no audio communication! No talking, most importantly. I was afraid that the worst part would be the lonliness, but I can tell you now, it is not.

The worst part I have encountered so far, is the frustration. This is one of the most frustrating things I have done in my entire life. When I say frustration, I mean the experience of not being able to satify a need. To desperately desire or need something, but to be unable to satisfy that wish. I think we all experience frustration to some degree. When we want something to eat, but there is nothing to eat, that is frustrating. When we need someone to talk to, but nobody is around to hear us, that is frustrating. Right now I'm studying a play in English about 5 ladies living together in the middle of nowhere in incredibly impovershed conditions. Sounds pretty frustrating. This is definately one of the most frustrating things I've done in my life so far.

What makes this so frustrating is, it seems to rob you of your ability to express yourself. It's horrible. You still feel all the need to express what you're thinking and feeling, but you can't do it verbally, which is a pretty crucial part of getting an idea across. It's like losing your lungs, but still needing to breathe. If someone says something you disagree with, you are helpless to respond. If someone does something that hurts you, you cannot explain to them what is going on. All I had was a scrappy little notepad to jot down very simple words, and people tire of that very quickly. If I found something funny, I was allowed to laugh, but to some extent, if something hurt me, I was not allowed to cry. Voting campgains usually talk about "Using your voice", and I think this is a very true concept now. You are excercising your abilty to influence the world, and express your opinions on things that matter to you. It was a very painful thing to sit back and be unable to say the words you felt in your head. The whole thing felt very dehumanising. A friend of mine even said that talking to me was like talking to a dog, mostly just talking to yourself.
And the inability to explain yourself when you do something that seems odd or hard to understand kinda leads people to think you're just being stupid.

Now I don't say this out of some sort of invitation to a pity party, but think of all the places in the world where you are not allowed to express yourself. Where thoughts and creativity are stifled and looked down upon, or even punished. As I said, the whole experience is dehumanising, because I believe that as humans, we are made to say what is on our minds, to be honest and open and I'm starting to realize what a wonderful gift it is to get what you're feeling on the inside out of you, to be able to share your thoughts and worries and emotions, even if it's as simple as wanting to say to your friend next to you "Man, some of those wallace and gromit cartoons were kinda dark, weren't they?" Or as complex as "I'm feeling trapped and bottled up."

On the somewhat lighter side, some hilarity has ensued. To be entirely honest, I have broken the silence on a few rare occaisions, purely by accident. I'll be thinking about something else, and someone'll ask me a harmless question, and I'll just casually reply, then smack my hand over my mouth and curl up into a tiny heap of embarrassment. Take today's physics class for exapmle:
Lorcan: *Cleaning glasses*
Sadhbh: "So, finish the questions?"
Lorcan: "No."
......
*Smacks forehead*
Sadhbh: "I'm sorry! It's ok, I didn't even hear what you said!"

And when nobody knew what a "Croque-Monsieur" was in french, I got to actually go up to the whiteboard and write "A toasted ham and cheese sandwich" On the board. I feel like Charley Chaplain, to some degree, trying to express emotion without speech. Someone fetch me a walking stick and a bowler's hat! Luckily, only another day to go.

Skip to :055 to get a feel for where I am right now!

Nero's New trick!

2009-02-07T03:47:00.000-08:00

Today my cat Einstein, and my Brother's cat, Nero, had a vet appointment. I rolled out of bed somewhere around 9:00, with their appointment at 10:00. I came downstairs, got a drink of water, let Nero out, then waited around for a bit. A voice came from upstairs: "You didn't just let Nero out, did you?" Oh dookie. "You'd better catch him now!" My dad shouted angrily from upstairs. Clothed only in my long johns , a t-shirt, and my slippers, I ventured forth into the snow-covered landscape. Luckily, Nero had not gone far. Standing on the garden wall, he looked me in the eyes, a twinge of fear in his, a twinge of pleading in mine. His body tensed, and in that moment I knew that this was going to be a bad start to the morning. The chase had begun!

He scampered off into our front garden, making light tracks in the icy snow. I quickly pattered after him, trying to maintain a balance between speed and not falling on my arse. We then went through a pattern of him running around on the snow, hiding under a car, then jumping over into a neighbor's front garden. I am thankful it was early enough in the morning that nobody was out doing anything, for if you had been there, you would have seen a man clothed in slightly more than underwear attempting parkour in the snow. This went on for 2 or 3 times, before he went into someone's back garden and scurried under their porch. At this point, I thought I might try a stakeout. I even uttered a quiet prayer, I'm serious! Lo and Behold the small furry critter snuck out and poked his head 'round the corner, and I managed to corral him away from the porch. Unfortunately, he lept over into someone else's backgarden behind a door, and I could imagine the police arresting me in my underoos for tresspassing, so I went home, a broken and defeated man.
After a while, I spotted him in the back garden, and my mom suggested we bribe him with tuna. So I'm shuffling outside, while grappling with the tuna can, and it opens juuuuust a little too quickly, getting tuna juice on my jumper. I now smell quite fishy, and as I look up from my tuna-laden mess, I realize that Nero has scampered off somewhere again. I leave the can of tuna our back garden and shuffle back into the house. As I watch from the window, Nero crawls closer and closer to the can, until he starts hastily chowing down on the tuna. I exit the house and cautiously manouver towards him, each step drawing him that much closer to scampering off. I take a step, and he scurries off, stopping after a few feet. "Come on Nero, there's tasy tuna, come get some." I coo in a reassuring voice. He crawls back. Another step sends him scampering again. He returns. But one step eventually proves one step too far, and he runs off for good. I bring the tuna inside. 20 minutes until the appointment. They'll have to reshedule him. That'll cost money, and my dad will be quite upset. Nero pops up onto the windowsill. My dad says "Hey Nero, you want in?" He opens the door. Nero comes in. "He's mocking me, you know. He's just mocking me, dad." I walk into the dining room, and say to my brother:
"Hey Grant, your cat learned a new trick."
"Oh yeah? What trick is that?"
My face turns from a smile to a demeanour as icy as my feet.
"Spite."

Snow an' Stuff!

2009-02-05T08:58:00.001-08:00

So! We got off an hour and 20 minutes early from school today due to, you guessed it, snow! I love snow.

I say this every time anyone even mentions it, but I just have to say, it really reminds me of Utah. One of the best parts of Utah. Because it's a desert, it gets really hot in the summer, and really cold in the winter. The sheer freezing temperatures truly freeze the water, creating dry snow. Snow in which no water can be found, simply fluffy ice, which make perfect powder for skiing. It was absolutely beautiful in the mountains, you guys. I have such fond memories of my childhood's winters, making snowmen with my dad and my brother, snow forts, snow fights, snow caves, and for new years, leaping face-first into a snow bank in naught but my undergarments in a desperate bid to stay awake. Ok, maybe that last image isn't quite so beautiful, but the mountains and forests covered in snow were breathtaking. There's but a shard of my morning view at the top of this post, but few things match it's wonder in person.

Anyway! Enough of my blabbing about Utah. It just occurred to me that some of you might not know this, but I've been living in Ireland for the past 5 years, I used to live in Utah. I wouldn't really consider either my real "home", but I do call each of them "Home" from time to time! Oh, and click the image for it's full view, it's really pretty!

The snow really reminded me of God though. In Isaiah 1:18 it says:
"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."

I thought that was really applicable. I think to some extent, living with God is like living in a snowstorm. No matter what you do, it will be covered up. No blackness or stain can ever outlast the driving white of forgiveness. There was so much muck and filth in the gutters, but every time a new storm came along, the snow completely covered it, making it white again. Even my footsteps were filled in quickly, I felt like I was at the abject mercy of this downpour of snow, like no matter what negativity I did, it would be covered and made beautiful again. No matter how dark or tarnished, made to reflect the light and shine once more. I thought that was really beautiful.

Vaccinations!

2009-02-04T07:54:00.000-08:00

So, we got our vaccines today, and somewhere about in Irish class, I realized that at this current moment in time, I have at least 4 horrible diseases in my body. I have at the very least, Typhoid and Hepatitis A. It was a lot of fun to say this, then go up and try to hug people!

Books!

2009-01-27T11:37:00.000-08:00

I recently bought new A4 sized books for maths and applied maths, equations have this tendency to absolutely devour paper for me. And I think about this every now and again, how beautiful writing is. I mean, not even composing words and sentences, I mean writing at all. I like to use the word 'inscribe', because well, inscribe sounds awesome, and makes scribbling down formulas sound more epic! I was thinking, those books really are, at this stage, just paper stuck together. But after a month or so, they will be full of knowledge. Full of the experiences that I've learned in my classes. As of now, they're practically worthless. But the only reason we have paper is so that we can write! To jot down what we have learned, which helps us remember better. I just love that certain true, timeless quality that inscription has. I mean, just the fact that I know all this stuff that all those dead geniuses didn't is something of a testament to education in itself! I mean, in Fallout 3, the only people that matter for half a damn are the scientists. You've got a gun? Pfft, who's gonna fix the world? We need clean water. The most valuable things in the game are books, the lost knowledge like v=u+at. The ruined, destroyed books are worthless, just half-burnt pieces of paper. But anything solid, anything true in the Capital Wasteland is worth far more, whether it's a single bottle of clean water, or even a child's comic book that survived the ages.

That's another thing I love about Physics and Applied maths. But somehow, even moreso for applied maths. Formulas. I would marry formulas, if I could, and I would wager I may someday try to! They are true. Incorruptable. At least, the good ones are. To some degree, some of them are fallable, or only work in certain situations, but the really good ones, the ones I want to have little baby formulas with, are the ones that work everywhere. Like the principle of the conservation of energy. No matter where you go, or what you do, this applies. I think it's cool that we get to step in and see the cogs at work in our universe, things that make the universe tick, without which all would fall into chaos, these beautiful things, unbreakable things, and we get to study them! I think that's pretty rad.

Weird dream!

2009-01-26T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm running out of titles, ok?

I wanted to blog about a wacky dream I had last night! I don't dream much, at least, not anything interesting, but this was pretty wacky. Ok, so, I don't remember all of it, but I remember at the begginning I was on some sort of quest with some girl, and we had to do something. I think she had a knight's armor too. Anyway, we're in suburbia, and we're walking up to this guy's outdoor shack kinda thing. And there's this locked wire link door thing that leads into a basement, and what we need is in there. I think it was a friend who needed our help or something. So we're walking up to the concrete outside, and there's this guy with shades on, smoking. He uttered a cryptic warning to me, I think it was something about a dog. Me and the girl with me look inside the concrete room, which, oddly, doesn't have a roof. She offered to go in, it seemed like a decision of great gravity. FALLOUT 3 SPOILERS, AVERT YOUR EYES PHILLY BILLY! Given the suit of armor, the fact it was a lady, and the choice of sacrifice involved, it seems similar to the end of fallout 3! perhaps I played to much of that recently. ALL SAFE NOW PHIL! But in the end, I decided to go in myself. So I'm walking up to the door with this big-ass key in my hand, when suddenly, from around the corner, comes cerberus, the three headed dog of Hades, teeth like ivory tusks gnashing at my feet. So I'm freaking out, and running like my life depends on it. Which it does. And every time he goes to take a chomp out of my posterior, his chain stops just short, sparing me. But he keeps chasing me, his chain only seems to run out of space when he is about to bite me, it was very strange. I suppose it could be interpreted lots of ways. But it was weird, and I like weird dreams.

In the last part of the dream, I dreamt I was in Team fortress 2, playing the spy, with a new unlocked thing that let you run faster and stab people in the back more quickly! It was awesome, it was a tiny little knife that didn't really work, and then me and a scout got in an argument over whether or not they could use one! But I played the spy for about a good solid hour before I went to bed, so surprise surprise where that one came from!
The 2nd part of the dream was me at school, hanging out outside the C floor lockers, waiting for school to start. For some reason, Nicola says "Man, I miss those times way back when." "What times?" I say. "Before everyone was mad at me because I shot you!" she said with a wry grin. "Aw, it's ok, it's all in the past!" For some reason in the dream, I genuinely remember her accidently shooting me. Only later as I groggily shambled to the shower, did I realize that in fact, Nicola had never actually shot me! Which is weird, because might I just say, Nicola is a great person. She is one of my favorite kinds of people. My first genuine interaction with her, was when she and her friend spent a good solid week trying to cheer me up. Unfortunately I was very self-obsessed and it ended up kinda backfiring in the end, but the genuine care she showed in trying to make my life a happier place to live is a great inspiration, and after me and God got a relationship going on, looking back, she was very kind. And even after, she's been a great lass. Quite a thinker, quite a compassionate character, and a bunch of fun! She's got a hilarious laugh, and quite the grin, these two are probably related because she can fit her fist in her mouth! Seriously, it's awesome. It's also nice at parties to have one of the cool kids not drinkin' to, because she doesn't drink! I mean, once again, not that there's anything wrong with drinking, but it's nice to have a few people not drinking, I guess! She's got this lovely lad called Sebo, they've been dating for over a year! Can you believe that? They're like the exception that proves the rule, that teen relationships actually are capable of lasting more than a few months, it's quite the harbinger of hope! Their Love for each other is really quite the awesome. She had a few pearls of wisdom on relationships that she shared with our school's christian union last friday, she is fond of honesty and bringing things up when there's a problem! That makes a lot of sense to me. They look so cute when they ride bikes together! XDI say all this because she once told me that she had planned to hold some big party or other to get a mention in my blog. She reads it every tuesday, so I thought I would give her a shoutout, and say how wicked awesome she is. Also, she didn't shoot me.

Lorcan Murphy at Connect 2009!

2009-01-24T17:06:00.000-08:00

So, A few weeks ago, I asked my youth pastor, a certain Jonathan Shaw, if he had any books on dating and relationships, as I recalled him mentioning reading one many moons ago. He still had it, and a few weeks later, he lent me a related book, called "Wisdom on Making good decisions". It wasn't the book I had requested, but he was still looking for the one on dating, "Wisdom on Wisdom On Friends, Dating, & Relationships" , and thought I'd enjoy this one as well! His analysis was accurate, as I tend to read Christian spirituality and guidance books like some sort of junkie! A few weeks later, he lent me the one on Dating and relationships, and I read it in about 2 days. Anyway, fast forward to the present, after I had told him what I thought of it, and as I was leaving youth club tonight, he asked me if I would be willing to write a review of the books for "Connect", a christian youth conference over midterm. I agreed, because I don't really like passing up oppurtunites! This occaisionally ends badly for me, as I can take on too much, or leap before I look, and end up knee-deep in proverbial poopy. But I'm pretty free for time as of late, so I agreed.
The next part of his sentence left me a little anxious though. "Yeah, you'll just be getting up on a stage for a little bit, say a little bit about the books, the good and the bad, and how much they cost, and then they'll be selling them in the bookstore afterwards!" Whoa, back up. Stage? That bit sounded scary. I say this because people tend to look at people on stages. Connect has over 300 people coming to listen to people who talk, I presume on stages. This struck me as distincively scary. However, this is usually the sort of scary that ends up being great for me, as it gets me out of my comfort zone. And as I'm planning on being a youth minister when I'm older, learning how to speak in front of a large crowd without spontaneously catching fire out of fear would seem to be a somewhat indespensible skill. I'm sure it'll last less than 3 minutes, if that, but those 3 minutes will probably be the most frightening 3 minutes of my life. I've done plays before, but this is different! Anyway, if you could keep me in your prayers that God will help me to talk about the good parts of these books, but still maintain an honest perspective, and not suffer cardiac arrest on stage, I would be quite grateful!

The new president!

2009-01-22T13:53:00.000-08:00

Man, the inauguration was great! I was going to do a big post on the night, but I am a total lightweight, and was actually relatively tipsy on the two glasses of champagne we had (Sad, but true), and I figure it's best not to drink and blog. They should have an ad campaign on it or something! Man, it was great though. This guy has hope, and I think that even more than be the president, I believe this man is capable of influencing the people on a personal level, to get people hoping again, to get us working with each other. He's just one of those public speakers so full of hope, you actually feel motivated to do what he says. Luckily, he has a good message, I guess! It's nice to not be ashamed of my nation anymore, for the first time in about 4 years, I actually got up and sang the National Anthem with my hand on my heart, it was quite moving! I believe in this guy. He is just so loveable with his giant smile and silly ears. And his silly dance moves. Check it out, someone compiled them together! http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=65I0HNvTDH4

Also, a list of fist pounds, the president's congratulatory method of choice.

Breaking the Pound Barrier

Fists approach at a moderate speed and brake to the reduced velocity of a bullet in the Matrix at a distance of 8 inches. Continue the slow approach to a separation of 2 inches, at which time both participants make a "boom" or "whoosh" sound as the fists accelerate, collide, and recoil. The hands should open up in the recoil.

Pound of Flesh

This starts as a two-fisted pound with fists at shoulder height. After contact, the fists should remain in place as participants execute a manly chest bump.

Pound of Music

Begin with a regular right-hand pound, and lock right arms with the other participant. Spin clockwise 180 degrees (360 for added flare), then face each other pound left fists, join left arms and repeat counter-clockwise. Singing is mandatory, though the Austrian garb is optional.

Poundcake

Initiate a fist pound at mouth height. During contact, move your head close to the touching fists and pretend to take a big, sensuous bite out of them.

Napoleon Bonapound

Note: this requires each participant to be wearing a coat or jacket. Initiate a normal right-fist pound. Slide your hand into your coat and stare off triumphantly into the distance.

Quarter Pounder

Pound with one hand but only make contact with one knuckle.

Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Same as above, but bring your other hand above the Quarter Pounder to "sprinkle" the cheese. This should involve a light, whispering sound effect in conjunction with wiggling your fingers, perhaps lightly touching the other person's wiggling fingers.

Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese

Similar to above. Pound with both fists, making contact with only one knuckle on each, then use both hands to sprinkle the cheese, as described above, right over where your fists made contact.

Lost & Pound

Start with a right-fist pound, but miss by veering to the left. Follow it up by connecting with an assertive left-fist pound.

Zounds of Pounds

Start by rapidly pounding the other person's fists, alternating left and right. After a few seconds, say in a falsetto voice, "Zounds of Pounds!!!!!" and continue the rapid-fire pounding until someone gives up.

Knights of the Pound Table

Begin by executing a traditional right-handed pound. Upon release, bend your arm at the elbow and swing your forearm a little more than 90 degrees to your right. Swing back to the left as if striking swords together; make a clanking noise - "dink" or "clank". Now rotate your arm to the left, preparing to deliver a backhanded clash of the swords. Strike invisible swords again, making the appropriate noise. Conclude with a chivalrous right-hounded pound.

The Perfect Pound

Popularized by Sammy Sosa and Mark McGwire when they were still American heroes, the Perfect Pound endures as a favorite of the masses. You've probably seen it: one person pounds down as the other pounds upward, then switch positions for a second pound, and then finish with a horizontal engagement. This technique is a bit tricky, because there must be an implicit decision as to who starts on top. But if you can solve that problem with grace and without words, you will have the Perfect Pound.

Mastur-pounding

Who says you need a partner to pound? Make two fists and pound them vertically such that the first finger and thumb of the left fist make contact with the pinky of the right fist. Great for self-congratulatory moments, or if you've gone too long without a real pound.

Pound Robin

Requires three or more participants. The best Pound Robins begin with someone declaring "Pound Robin!", and everyone present must pound with everyone else. Sort of like "Cheers!", but with fists. However, technically, a Pound Robin is said to have taken place if every participant engages in a fist pound with every other participant, regardless of whether it was declared at the beginning.

Pound Explode, aka Exploding Pound

An American classic. Start with a regular fist pound, but upon contact, open your fist and quickly retract your hand. Sound effects appreciated.

The Ticking Pound

Start with a regular pound, and then retract fists slowly. As you retract, each person shakes his or her fist, and then after an appropriate period of shaking, explode as in a Pound Explode.

The Reverb Pound

Execute an Exploding Pound. After hands are open and apart, bring them back together and close into a pound. Retract fists.

Pound of Goose

Start a pound. Twist your fists and slide them along one another such that the backs of your hands are touching. As they are sliding along, open your fist and lock thumbs with the other participant. Flap your hands and fly away.

(Not to be confused with the Pound Birdy, which involves the middle finger.)

Pound of Dead Goose

Combines the best elements of the Pound of Goose and the Exploding Pound. Execute a Pound of Goose, but before flying too far away, someone says "BOOM!" and destroys the bird.

Pound & Lock

Simple but elegant. Pound fists, twist them 90 degrees clockwise, and make a clicking noise.

Pound of Silence

Initiate a pound, but stop a few inches before contact and immediately walk away as if nothing happened.

Kilogram Pound

Perform a normal pound exactly 2.2 times. Most common pound performed outside of the US.

British Pound

Pound, then buff your knuckles on your waistcoat.

The Pound and the Fury

Start with an innocent enough pound, but proceed to scream incoherently until they put you away.

# Pound

Hold right arm up in front of you as if about to swing down a hammer. Cross left arm over right arm with wrist just above the right elbow. Partner arranges arms in same position except with left wrist placed just below the right wrist. The two of you together then make contact to make a # sign. Points of contact should be left elbow and right wrist for you, left elbow and right elbow for partner.

Ex-Pound

Pound normally, but narrate the entire exchange and pontificate on the origins of the pound to any present bystanders.

Dog Pound

Start with a pound, but as soon as you make contact, flop your tongue out of your mouth and begin rapidly stamping one foot on the floor uncontrollably. "Attaboy..."

Genghis Pound

Start with a normal enough pound, then slaughter the other participant.

George W. Pound

Lie to the Nation, then do a sweet 'Zounds of Pounds' with your boy Dick Cheney.

The Pound 5

One party holds out a fist as if to pound, and the other party, instead of pounding, slaps the fist a mid-5. The second party then reciprocates.

This is the pound of the future.

24 Pounds

A pound performed with Teague Murphy, the precocious 1 year-old pound master of Williamstown, Massachusetts. The name comes from Teague's present weight (that's a lot of poundage per pound!). Some people have suggested that "24 Pounds" could also be known as "Pound of Baby".

The Ezra Pound

Execute an exploding pound while reciting Pound's poem "Salutation."

If a tree falls in the woods and no one's there to hear it, does it make a pound?

Go into a forest and pound a small tree until it falls over.

Pound of Tea

Begin as if for a normal right handed pound, but lift your pinky fingers and pound with the remaining three fingers, with a similar configuration to a proper teacup-grip.

Pound Check

Execute a normal pound, but at first contact, say "testing" and tap fists rhythmically while one person says "one...two...three." Repeat as necessary, adjusting volume.

Forks!

2009-01-14T13:30:00.001-08:00

So, for whatever reason, there is a fork near our school, it's about halfway between the school and the bike shed, and almost every day I go by this fork. It is a markedly bizzare place to find a piece of cutlery. I would wager it was secretly stolen from the cafeteria. But anyway, I saw this fork for the zillionth time today, and something inside me seemed to pity the poor thing. This is a post about how we are kind of like this fork. Or at least how I percieved this.
Now, I see this fork every morning and afternoon. But it moves, and since the wind isn't really strong enough to lift a piece of metal like that, I would assume it spends its day being kicked around. Across the gravel, every morning and evening, getting kicked and scratched. Today was a rainy day, and the ground was loose and muddy, so today the fork was covered in dirt and mud. I noticed this fork, and something within me seemed to feel for this fork. It's nothing like me, it's small and looked about as useless as a wet match, but something in me wanted to care for this fork. So I just kind of went with the flow, and picked it up. The first thing was to clean the mud off this fork. It was covered in mud. I took off one of my gloves, and this reminded me of the intimacy God shows with us. He wants to be close to us and relate to us on a personal level, to wipe us clean with his own hands.
So I'm wiping the filth off this fork, and my hands are getting filthy. there's mud all over them. I have taken this fork's dirtiness upon myself. But, I can wipe it off and make myself clean. This fork has no such capability, it could never clean itself. And as it started to become clean, I noticed all these words on it, things that told me who made it, what qualities, it possessed. It said: "Stainless steel". This was a fork that could be cleaned and made as good as new. Anyway, the question is now coming, how am I going to take this home? I decided to put it close to me, in my pocket. It might risk messing up the other stuff in my pocket, but I didn't really care. So once I got home, I wanted to cleanse it more thoroughly. I noticed the hardest parts to get clean were the parts where it had been scratched. The mud ran deep into these gouges, and I really understood that, because I think it's hard to allow ourselves to be made clean when the problem is deep inside a would we have been dealt.

And that's how I think we are like forks. The fork is now upstairs on my bookshelf next to 5 stones and an acorn, other representations of lessons I have learned. I like this fork.

Thoughts

2009-01-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

I was thinking some , and reading some today, and I noticed a few things that might seem kinda obvious. I'm doing this thing where I swap between reading a chapter of old testament, and a chapter of new testament day by day, and reading the old testament is kinda different. I suppose that's another blog though. At any rate, I was looking back over how man in general, and israel has messed up, and it's so sad, but also almost funny how dumb we can all be, but also kinda beautiful that God still loves us and gives us our 45292th chance when we screw up. As we all know, God gave us the perfect world, and we decided to turn away. kaplowy, our first big mess up. Cain gets jealous and kills Abel. Another big mess up. Most everyone on the face of the planet (except for noah and his family) decide to do whatever they want, and there has to be a flood.

The israelites eventually become enslaved by egypt, and suffer years and years and years of horrible slavery. Through moses, God delivered the Israelites using amazing miracles that would probably make my head explode if I actually saw them. He leads them through the Red sea, and drowns all the egyptians chasing them. He then leads them through the wilderness using a pillar of cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night. I think I would have liked the fire one better, that one sounds pretty awesome to me. But I guess cloud would be pretty sweet too! And after three days, they have not had any water, and begin to grumble against Moses. I can really relate to that, I mean, sometimes when things don't happen when I want them to, or when I expect them to, I know I can lose sight of God's omniscience. Like God's gonna come back and say "Sorry, I was on the phone, what did I miss?" But he always knows what we're going through, and went through it, and worse, himself. I guess me and the Israelites lose sight of that sometimes. They finally hit the promised land, and God has said to them that he will deliver the people currently occupying it into their hands. But the guys currently occupying it are giants. Huge guys. The people Moses sent to spy on the promised land come back, and with a few exceptions, tell the Israelites that it's all over, the current tennants are freaking garganuan, we're doomed. And for this, they have to wander in the wilderness for 40 more years. They set up a king against God's better judgement, eventually, and here's the part that I realised today.

I often have a bit of trouble meshing the old testament and the new testament together. I kinda forget sometimes that the pharasees and jews that jesus spoke to were the same Israelites that the nation of Israel was in the old testament. So, God sends his son to earth, to show us the way, and we killed him. It'd be like someone calling you up, telling you they need someone to talk to, and then beating the crap out of you when you showed up, yelling "Burglar! Burglar!" I don't know, it just kinda hit me that we turned away from God, killed his creations, lived for ourselves, grumbled against him after all he had done for us, set up our own king, and then what's the topper? We actually took his son and nailed him to a piece of wood in one of the most gruesome and excruciating deaths imaginable. And he still loves us. Sometimes I find it easy to believe God is Love, because he actually acts like Love. All the time. We turn against him and spit in his eye and do all sorts of awful things to him and each other, but he still wants us to be with him and likes us. There's no way for him to act outside of Love. Sometimes that Love might manifest itself in ways we might not understand, like a flood, or 3 days without water, but he is Love, and Loves us completely. It's absolutely crazy how awesome that is.

Captain's stardate: eleven one oh nine

2009-01-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

So, I was going to do this big post about a bible study I heard at church today, and how moving it was, it was about bitterness and the wilderness and forgiveness and dissapointment and pizza and hate crimes against white shirts. It was going to be deep and profound. But then I got a headache and now I can't think straight, so I'm going to tell you about something I did. I did something that I have never, ever, in all my days, heard of being done before. I am a little proud of myself for taking what is a fairly common practice, and changing the method, but not the concept. I presume that if you are reading this, you are aware of what rickrolling is. The idea is that you send a link to someone, and they click it, and then they watch an 80's music video by rick astley, called "Never gonna give you up". Here's an example:

Jeff: "Hey steven, check it out, there's this picture I found of a fire, it's really cool."
Steven: "Ok! I believe you and trust you to send me the real link."
Jeff: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0"
Steven: "Oh no! I have been Rickroll'd! Jeff, I trusted you! How could you do this to me! I want a divorce!"

Ok, that was pretty much how it goes up until the end. At any rate, I decided to physically mail my friend, Nicole a rickroll. She said she loves to recieve letters, and she's pretty into the whole internet shebang, so I figured she would appreciate the joke. And she did! I wonder if historians will look upon that moment as my finest hour.

Yesterday

2009-01-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

I would like to say some words on behalf of yesterday. I was going to write about yesterday yesterday, but I ran out of time.

Yesterday was man's turn to write on the sky. The sky was completely cloudless all day. But someone decided that wasn't quite good enough, and jets decided to scrawl white on the sky. Their paths crisscrossed, and ultimately faded after a time. But they still tried to write on the sky, tirelessly. Evening fell, and God decided to lend the jets a hand in their attempts to enrich. The jets no longer wrote, but painted. The whole world fell in half, opposite, but joined and blended, oil and water at peace with one another. The sun took the it's poppy, and the moon took it's lavender. The whole world was wrapped like a gift in these two colours, and for a time, our painting became holy on an evening sky, each stroke of our homage to clouds was filled with hues of orange and purple, opposites in breathtaking harmony. Impossible, but beautiful from the one who created it. It was one of those moments when you see why people call the sunset a miracle.

I have noticed I seem to be following religion. This is lame, and also sucks. I feel I have just been sitting down, and saying words. Not to anyone in particular, maybe out of habit more than actual conversation. I have been reading my bible daily, and I have learned, but I still feel disconnected. I have been following the rules, but have forgotten why. I think I just slipped into habit, into routine, and then just let myself fall asleep from there. Just saying the same words over and over again without realising it or really thinking about it. I am trying to seek God now. I sat down, and actually talked to God not as a father, as a teacher, or as a brother, but as a friend who knows what I'm going through. I feel I have started to need answers, to need "progress". I thought about this before, and the thought of having "Jesus" be the answer actually started to make a lot of sense. I don't really know how to explain it that well, I feel it seems to be beyond my scope of words, most of which I seem to just rely on the label things upon which labels do not fit. Just, having jesus as the answer. Like, almost as though the problem did not need a set resolution, it needed a why instead of a how. I don't know how to describe it. It is beyond words.

A night to remember

2009-01-03T17:43:00.000-08:00

So, I spent tonight helping at a retirement party for the wardens of ovoca manor, a wonderful place to discover God. It was cold, and me and some friends were directing traffic. I was standing there and was just thinking to myself "Yeah, real important here, just wave your arms in one direction and try not to catch hypothermia, I guess." Then some absolutely wonderful lady said to me "Thanks so much, really great work, I mean, nobody likes to do the dirty jobs, but someone has to!" I just say this, because it really reminded me that God can really speak to us through the people around us and what would seem to be wacky co-incidences. It was really fantastic and I was waggling my arms with a smile throughout the night :) The evening went well, apparently said Wardens have climbed approximately 1.7 million steps in their 27 years working at ovoca. Absolutely crazy! I would imagine adjusting to life will be a little crazy, I mean, living up at Ovoca for 27 years would be kinda crazy to change from. I mean, that's not a job. That's your life. Which makes their sacrifice all the more wonderful that they would just completely integrate their lives in this building and it's work, though I guess they'd have to have loved it, otherwise they probably would have snapped by now! It was a fun night, and good times were had by all. Upon returning home, I recieved news..

Turns out Israel launched a full ground assault on Gaza.

It smacks of the same sort of rude awakening I recieved an early september morning. I mean, really, this day was going to be good. It was a blue, cloudless sky, the sun had warmed the whole earth, just for me. Dad hadn't even left for work yet, and mom was making him bacon for breakfast! She basically never did that. I think I even got a piece! I actually, actually even had the song "Mayberry" stuck in my head. Yes, this was gonna be one awesome day. The phone rang, and guess who? Our Irish relatives! I hadn't seen Aunt Hilary for years and years! "What? No, David's fine, why? There's what? A what? David, she wants to talk to you." She ran downstairs and turned on the news. It was the beginning of something awful that would end up in a misplaced war, and the loss of thousands of lives, on both sides.

I don't know much about the Israeli-Palistinian conflict, my dad explained some of it to me tonight, but at the end of the day, this is just bad news. Another war. This means that someone's son is going to die. Innocent bystanders are going to die. There will be orphans and widows and loss. Someone very dear is going to be lost. This is a big deal. I know they have been at it for years and years and years, but this sort of thing just drives me crazy. Lots of people are going to die. If Iran, who is backing Israel's opponents, gets involved, this thing is going to escalate fast. I don't know. I just hate how we go to war with each other and people's sons and daughters have be killed, and there have to be orphans, but what I really hate is how I can't love my neighbor like I should. Because at the end of the day, we're all perfectly capable of doing all of this, and worse. The soldier who is willing to maim innocent bystanders in "Collateral Damage" is just Lorcan with darker skin. I was going to say older, but they actually conscript people about my age. And it's all to do with our sinful nature, a choice with an apple, and how I get pissed off at people and ignore my brother and give out to people and judge people as less than me. And how we're all like this and after this war there's going to be another somewhere else and someone else's son is going to have to die, and someone's child will be hit by shrapnel and will never recover from his injuries. I guess all we can do is for a quick resolution, and for peace.

COMBAT SHOTGUN!

2009-01-02T17:17:00.001-08:00

Back from the catmeister's! It was loads of fun, and now, without further ado, craploads of Yugioh the abridged series jokes.

Attention Mother! My hair is crying!
I am not a freaky fish guy!
Shutup Mokuba.
Screw the rules, I have money!
Screw the rules, I have green hair!
IN AMERICA!
Screw the money, I have rules! .... Wait, let me try that again.
I spy with my little eye, something beginnning with "Gay Clown".
BROOKLYN RAGE!

Said quotes were used excessively, and with great enthusiasm. It was a good 3 and a half days, we almost formed some sort of miniature family! Shortest blog post ever, but that should be good news. Also, go look up yugioh the abridged series. Best viewed with other silly people in the room.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmVGQR3NNdg
It gets better over time!We watched all 32 episodes of this, and a movie. Yes. We also spent about an hour and half playing pokemon pinball! It was good fun!

Cat's house!

2008-12-31T08:04:00.001-08:00

I'm at said friend's house right now, it's pretty sweet! I made her eggnog, but they didn't have any nutmeg, so I tried using cinnamon. It's turned out pretty well thus far! Tastes kinda coconutty. Said Ukrainian pal and his ladyfriend are now playing a cardgame called "spit" with great passion! It's a hard game to play without passion though. I beat Ukrainian pal at spit 3 times in a row last night, and also curb-stomped him at chess on the train down. He tried to do one of those manouvers that wins you the game in 5 moves, and it can only be stopped 3 ways. By total fluke, I did one of said ways, and actually ended up winning! It was pretty sweet, but he beat me at spit a few minutes ago so the score's about even. Him and his ladyfriend are really good together, they're very sweet and casual together, you'd expect they'd been married together for years! I hope to God they're not reading this, or else that'd be super embarrassing. If you're reading this, then stop. Well you're obviously not going to, but at least don't bring it up. They get on well together! It's a little scary to me. Makes me wonder what I'd do in situations that they're in with each other. They're very quick to forgive, quick to mend, quick to trust. And genuinely care for each other, and know each other really well. It's heartwarming, but scares the crap out of me because I'm very afraid that I'd freak out in such situations I don't know if said worries are justified. I'm envious at any rate :P. But at any rate, it's an encouragement to see people in a healthy relationship. Another awesome thing, me and said Uke bud are sleeping in the same room, and when we woke up, before doing anything else, we read our bibles. I didn't know he had brought his, and he didn't know I brought mine, but before we did anything (well, ok, he took a shower, but he hadn't showered in 2 days, so that was kinda important.) We just got up and read our bible for our daily dose of God's word. It was very touching to have feeding your relationship with God to be the status quo. We're preparing for the party tonight, and that involves sausages, chips, and stuff like that. Our lovely host in turning 18, and her county is beautiful along with her back garden. It reminds me of our house back in Utah. Space, space, space. Big house, lots of animals, and man's dominion loosely scattered instead of tighly packed into our little boxes. Of course it's a giant drive to anywhere else, but that's always he trade-off in these places. Beautiful all the same.

Because you're mine, I walk the line. And then the words just naturally flowed. It was an easy song to write. -Johnny Cash

Adventure is in the air!

2008-12-29T14:56:00.000-08:00

Don't worry, I'm not going to drown you in long-winded blogging, I just wanted to say I'm off to a friend's house in Wexford for a birthday party. This is going to be pretty sweet, as this is my first big travel thing outside of the county without the parents, and also my first sleepover at a girl's house! :O Although there'll be loads of other people but it's the principle! My travelling buddy is one Ukranian pal by the name of mike, his lass-friend lives down in wexford so there'll be coupleyness aplenty. I'll probably blog while at her gaff just for the sake of it, but do not be surprised if I don't. I'm making her eggnog! : D

Fallout 3: First thoughts

2008-12-29T03:11:00.001-08:00

My brother introduced me to fallout 3 yesterday after buying it for the Xbox 360 recently. So last night I got a chance to play it! The game is made by Bethesda Softworks, makers of Oblivion, Morrowind, and a bunch of other awesome RPGS. Now if there's one thing Bethesda knows how to do well, it's character creation. They have this really awesome habit of blending it in with the storyline, where the choices you make at the very early stages affect your character to a large degree!

The game begins the same way as all our games begin, with screaming. Your screaming. And blood all over the place. Now, before you think you are thrown into the action head first, the next words are something along the lines of "Oh, it's a beautiful baby ____!" Talk about starting at the beggining! And then you get to choose whether or not you're a boy or a girl! After you choose that, they bring over this screen thing to "See what s/he'll look like when s/he's older". At this point you get to customise what you'll look like when you're older, right down to the hairstyle. Which is a little ridiculous, I mean, they can hardly predict what sort of crazy fashion trend you'll be following when you're nineteen. Also, why is that the first thing they do? For me, knowing what my child would look like when they're older would kinda spoil the surprise. And then, your mother suffers a fatal heart attack. It's sad, but after you've played so many RPGs, you kinda expect your parents to die at the drop of a hat. Especially moms.

So it fast-forwards to one year later and you're 1, and the game introduces you as a toddler, and you learn to crawl around, and choose your main attributes out of a child's playbook, and that's really about it. Some stuff about how your mother would have been so proud of you, which once again is sad, but like I said, after you've played so many RPGs, you realise that at least one of your parents always dies. Luckily, your father is actually a really nice and awesome guy, so they reverse this trope
really well by having your dad still love you all the same even though you caused your mother's death. Which is a bit of a twist, as usually in games this drives the father figure to be a bit of a jerk.

Fast forward nine years later and it's your tenth birthday party! You are given your cerimonial wrist doohicky thing that shows map and ammo and all sorts of good stuff like that, and this is where the real decision making happens. You meet Amata, more or less the girl-next-door who has organised your party. And you are given the generic three choices.
1: good guy response "Thanks for the party!
2: medium guy response: "Yeah, it's ok, I guess..."
3: heartless fiend from the pit response: "It's probably the worst party I've ever seen."

And these are basically the three choices you will have all throughout the game. Angel, Normal guy, or what can only be described as the foul offspring of robot hitler and the devil.

You walk around a bit and talk to the other guests at your party, turns out for some reason your character wisely decided to invite the three school bullies to his party. actually, there's one other guy who seems to just be an aquiantance, Amata, and the three bullies at your party along with some adults. Not the best guest list. Not to mention not the best dressed list either, the entire starting story takes place in a giant nuclear bunker, so you're all wearing blue jumpsuits. At any rate, you get a sweetroll as a gift from some old lady at your party as a gift, and one of said bullies basically says "Gimmie the sweetroll." Your options are basically
"Yes sir...."
"No. Go away."
and the ever-wonderful robot hitler devilspawn option
"What? Did your mom drink away all your food stamps again?"

Now, you're supposed to pick one of the latter two, then a fight breaks out, and the game teaches you how to fight. But I wanted to try to be a christian in this game. So I spent a good 10 minutes staring at the screen.This is your first big choice in the game. Who are you going to be? I eventually opted to hand over the sweetroll, maybe he genuinely did need it due to lack of food, who knows. Appeasing hitler, or pulling a Ghandi? You decide, I guess. you get a bb gun from your dad later and learn to fire weapons in a pretty subtle but effective way of the game teaching you skills that will later be useful in life when giant burly muntants are chasing you with clubs and you need to shoot them. Thanks for the lesson, dad!

Fwwwwaashooooommp! another 6 years pass, and it's time for your generic aptitude test, to pick your class! There's a confrontation scene beforehand where said 3 bullies have started a gang with greased back hair that is effectively some sort of cross between jets and sharks from west side story. They're picking on Amata, and you have three options.
"Stop or I'm going to make you stop"
"Here, let me help you, she's quite sensitive about her weight...."
"F*@& off, let's do this. Right here. Right now."

Seeing as the only options are fight or help them make fun of Amata, I opted for the fight. Nobody makes fun of my plucky suggested love interest and gets away with it! In reality, I probably would have done something less violent to be honest, but I suppose that's a blog for another day. Besides, I needed to learn how to fight! you beat the three guys and they go away, you take the test, it gives you a class that shows you what skills best suit you, like bartering, electronics, science, small guns, melee weapons, miniature nuclear warheads, that sort of thing. The test runs like a series of choices and depending on what you pick, you get different suggested classes. I got chaplain, very encouraging, I guess. You have to love the last multiple choice question: "Who is the undisputed leader of the vault, who gives us food and keeps us safe, and graciously provides for all we have?" You have 4 options to this multiple choice question.
"The overseer"
"The overseer""
"The overseer"
"The overseer"
"Jesus" (no not really.)

Fwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssshhhhorrrp! 3 years pass, and oh noes! Your father has escaped the vault! nobody escapes the vault! The overseer is super pissed and killed your dad's friend! Amata wakes you up, gives you a pistol and it's escapy time, but not before a decent amount of satisfying bully-beating. Yes, said bully who stole your sweetroll and slagged your impliled ladyfriend is in need of your help now, and the shoe is on the other foot! His mom is being eaten alive by radioactive super-cochroaches and only you can save her! (But only because he's to much of wuss to save her himself.) You can walk on, save her, or walk on after leaving a snippy comment. I opted to save said lady (Who actually does turn out to be an alcoholic, perhaps he needed that sweetroll after all! Or not.) Double oh noes! The overseer has captured Amata and guess who's beating the information out of her! Yes ladies and gents, it's the two bullies from before, and the only real option you have is to kill them. Apparently though this angers people, so I opted to try to lock them unsuccessfully in a cell. But the were running around too fast so I had to shoot them in the legs a few times to slow them down. Only later, lying in bed, did I realise it took me 10 minutes to make the sweetroll decision, but shooting these guys in the kneecaps seemed like an obvious choice that took 5 seconds. Go figure, these games can make you out to be the nicest guy in the world, but apparently that means it's ok to not have any qualms about killing mountains of people. Go figure! You escape the vault, and make it outside! Now I only played a little bit after this, but I have one last thing that irritates me.

Everything gives you cancer. The game is set after a giant nuclear war, so everything is irradiated, and the game keep a running tally of radiation you've absorbed, and if you get too much, you turn into a freaky zombie thing that makes people terrified of you. But the game goes on anyways with you as a freaky thing with no skin. Don't drink the water, it's radioactive. Don't eat that meat, it's radioactive. That wastelander you killed had some squirrel stew on him! Allright! A decent meal! Nope, just kidding, it gives you cancer. Blow up a bus? The bus is now radioactive and gives you yet more cancer. stand too close to an unexploded atomic bomb? Gives you cancer. (Well, this one makes sense at least.) They have the radioactivity count in "RADS", but I can tell you, there is nothing rad about it. Everything you touch in this game seems to want to make you lose all your skin, I'm not even kidding.
/edit
It would appear now that I can definitively say that this game includes:

Subterranean lesbian zombies. Not even kidding.
Abraham Lincoln's hat as a wearable object.
"We are born in the Vault, We live in the vault, we die in the vault."-The overseer.

Like blood from a stone

2008-12-27T16:43:00.000-08:00

I'm bored, it's 00:43 in the morning, and I have a minor headache. Let's rock. Not really. I want to talk but I don't really have anything to talk about. Except now I do, because I thought of talking about nothing for a long time which would have been gibberish, which is the name of a song from an album I bought 2 days ago so now I'm going to talk about that.

The album is "Two lefts don't make a right... but three do" and first off, I like it because it's a play on the phrase "Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!" Which is a play on the phrase "Two wrongs don't make a right". It's like... what's the word... reverse-reverse-reverse psychology, where they play a joke on the joke by playing the phrase straight, but in the body of the joke. And also firstly, I bought it because it was by Relient k, which at this point has more or less earned the title of my favorite band. Sorry everyone else who has a band that isn't relient k, but you just lost your chance like I just lost the game. Sorry, people. I've only really properly listened to the whole album all the way through once, I suppose, but I still like it. I still say "Mmhmm" is my favorite though. Sorry every album from relient k that isn't "Mmhmm", you just lost your chance like I just lost... some people say you can only lose the game once every so often, like once every 30 minutes or something. I don't really get this. Does it not count? I dunno. I announce it anyway, but I guess one shouldn't be upset unless 30 minutes have elapsed. And some people don't play by those rules so who knows!

Anyway, back to TRDMALBTD. haha, that is a really long abbreviation! How irritating! It's a good album, I like the song "Mood rings", in which they melodiously suggest that emotional girls should wear mood rings to give us guys a break "Cause when it's black means watch your back because you're probably the last person in the world right now she wants to see". As a guy/dude/man? I must confess that girls make my head explode in wonderful and horrible ways. I dunno. The band actually released a book about girls named after the last line of this song "The complex infrastructure of the female mind" and I was thinking about buying it because it seems to give the impression that after you've read it, girls will somehow make sense and stuff, but I don't think one can just read a book and suddenly be a master of the she-folk. I think it's just something you're born with, I have no idea. The weird thing is, I read up about this song on a song meaning website
and I got a kinda weird reaction, most of the girls were like "Haha, yeah, I need a mood ring" and all that. The guys were saying "Haha, girls, they need mood rings, I give girls I know mood rings. Women. Am I right?" I find this weird and slightly offensive. I think I'm probably just taking this too seriously or something but anyway! I was thinking, us guys get just as emotional. I am a highly emotional person, from what I have felt. I think it's puberty or something, I dunno. Hopefully not bi-polar disorder. One day you wake up and you're the most angry person on the face of the earth, the next you wake up and you're jealous of what people have, the next you're in love like a crazy fool, and almost worst of all, sometimes you wake up and feel nothing at all. "And that's all-right I must confess...." I dunno! I just think we're both emotional genders, maybe girls have guys figured out better or something. Part of me worries that no other man on the face of the planet undergoes emotional changes and Bernard and Nexus are reading this and going "What? *grunt* what is this emotion you call Love? Is it to do with hitting things? *grunt*" And then they beat each other up and whack clubs against the ground for the next half hour, and that's actually how guys are supposed to work or something like that. But that's ca-raaaaaaaazy!

This was supposed to be about how relient k are awesome and now it's me talking about girls. Ooooh! There's also a good few songs that are great spiritually, like "Getting into you" and "I Am Understood?" they're really good, trust me! They're kinda self-explanatory, and really on-the-mark musically, which is nice. That's what I love about relient k, they're really actually good! Unless you don't like them, I guess. My point is there's a lot of people out there thinking "I'll serve God!" And then sell themselves short because they think it's not bible-orientated enough or something like that. I was reading about christian-developed games recently, and one of them was about moses herding sheep onto the ark, with score multipliers add or something like that. This is just me talking here, by the way, and my highly subjective views, but I just don't think I'd find that fun. At all. But what's cool about relient k and bands and people like this is, they're not afraid of metaphor. If you took the word "Aslan" out of the Narnia books and replaced it with "Jesus", I doubt it would be as wildly popular as it is. People would avoid it for fear of "Having religion crammed down their throat." A great guy I know called Fergus once said (I'm mis-quoting to an extent) "Some people think it needs a bible verse at the end, but a lot of the time it really doesn't" That's a mis-quote, but that's the jist. Someone could be listening to the song "Getting into you" and be perfectly aware that this is a christian band and know who they're talking about but stick with it. After all, it's a good song, and nothing's being forced. But if someone who didn't really think God existed or thought he was kind of a jerk-face listened to this song and it was called "Getting into Jesus" and then specifically avoid it because it irks them, then they don't get to listen about how this guy loves his father and wants to grow closer to him. I mean, I don't think that we should talk in code or anything like that, and when you're talking to other believers, of course you should speak directly, openly, and obviously about God, but I just think it's a real shame when people who are christians attempt to create something for the world and put pants on Michaelangelo's David because they don't want a penis in public, so to speak. Maybe that was a hamhanded metaphor, I dunno, but I just think God's happy with our sacrifices to him, and I think there's a certain value to being not so blatant when you're trying to share God with people who don't believe in God. I think that's what he meant... Haha! I was trying to remeber if "In this world but not of it was from the Bible or "The shack", a book about God. Ever know someone and they're really shy in person but are really outgoing and talkative online, on email, on stuff like that? Paul was like that! 2Corintians 10:1 "By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am "timid" when face to face with you, but "bold" when away!" Haha, I just found that funny. Back to looking. Bleh, I can't find it. Perhaps it doesn't need a verse at the end, in the words of ferg. Well, I did just put a bible verse at the end, but that was totally unrelated to anything else. Anyway, Look it up yourselves if you think I'm right or wrong, either opinion is fair enough, obviously. Read John 17, Jesus does this big prayer for himself, for the Disciples, and then for all believers. It's wicked awesome.

And now it's 1:34 and I've been blogging for.... almost an hour. I was going to stop now but I want to blog for a full hour. Oh crap, I totally forgot about the relient k album. One last song on the album that's totally great is "Jefferson Aero Plane". It's 10 minutes and 21 seconds long, which might make you think "Aha! I smell epic song awesomeness, like in "Deathbed" or "The lightning strike"!" But the song is only really about 5 minutes long. So what's the extra five minutes? well, a goodly 2-3 minutes of it is just silence, broken by a man shouting "PEPPERONI!" And then it goes into this wicked awesome secret song witch includes:
Silly shoes
The world's worst freestyle rapper (I'm not even kidding, that's how they introduce him!)
PEPPERONI!
And it was all just a dream.
And..... Snakessssssss.

3 minutes left, until I'll have been blogging for an hour, it's mostly filler at his point and so far it's more or less still one giant blocky paragraph of DOOM. So I should fix that. I wonder if it'll get smaller. That seems to happen. I think I've just done some wicked awesome big post and then I click "View blog" and then it's this tiny little mockery of a blog entry, like some giant lobster that boils down to a shameful anniversary dinner. My parents once had lobster for an anniversary dinner, it was back in the states when they were newlyweds living in an absolutely tiny house (Which was also pink) and they got these lobsters, and my dad thought: "hmmm, you fry lobsters, don't you?" Turns out you don't! They shrivelled and tasted awful, but I wouldn't call it a waste of money, because if something's that funny that you remember it years later, I'd say the laughs would be more full of enjoyment than any succulent lobster. Though lobster is pretty tasty. 1:44! Woohoo! My left wrist is now sore. Time to space out this baby and see how big it is. Oh, and I've had this quote waiting since the first line.

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." -Elwood, The blues brothers

Eggnog!

2008-12-25T05:06:00.000-08:00

So, it's christmas morning! That's really cool. Got everything I desired, including my skullcandy headphones! I found them highly reccomended
and told myself I'd get a pair when my fairly mediocre iPod ones ran out. But they did not break completely. They just hung around, working adequately, slightly broken but still ultimately usable. With christmas coming up, I thought I'd just get a pair for the heck of it! And they didn't dissapoint! I put on "Here I go" by Relient k, (It was a toss up between "Up and up [accoustic]" and "Here I go (demo)" but when I put the headphones in I said "Ok, here I go!" And then upon realizing what I said I had my mind made up. Guess what? That song actually has base in it! Gasp! They're really good for base, very deep, it was a bit of a change, but it was fun to mess with the EQ and actually have it make a difference! Pretty nice headphones! Couldn't hear a thing anyone else said. Blessing or curse? Maybe a bit of both. They were pretty good! I like 'em so far.

Also, MOTHERFLIPPIN' EGGNOG. My mom was searching the net for good eggnog recipies, and found one on a blog! Now I'm blogging about a blog my mom found. Blog is a fun word! Blog! blog blog blog bloo dee blah bloo blog. Anyway! She found this recipie, and although eggnog is an American thing to a large extent, this recipie genuinely tastes like eggnog. Like the eggnog you'd buy off of the shelves at your local supermarket. This is the real deal. We tried to make some last year and the recipie just produced some thin eggy monstrosity chocked full of rum. This year it's the real deal. Thick, well coloured, nutmeggy glory that it is. And not a drop of rum! "But why is the rum gone?" says Jack Sparrow, and to which I reply, "I don't know, in case you don't want to be hammered at 10 o clock on christmas morning but still want some eggnog. Or if you abstain from alcoholic substances. Although the vanilla extract is alcohol-based. But that's just a little bit. What are you doing in my house anyway, you smelly pirate?" However, my parents do intend to add cuban rum to theirs later, and I'll probably try a little bit myself, if only because cuban rum is illegal in the states. But now I feel like I'm rebelling against Barrack, and that's not good... Anyway! Merry Christmas!

Haha, I almost forgot to post the recipie!

Eggnog, Alcohol free.

6 eggs

1 can (14 oz) (425 ml) sweetened condensed milk (they just call it "condensed milk" over here, it's allready sweetened.)

5 ml vanilla extract (1 teaspoon)

945 ml milk

160 ml heavy whipping cream

Ground nutmeg (just lash a good pinch or two, only a few grams)

1g salt

Beat eggs (heavily, the more beaten the better. I want to see bruises, people!); mix in condensed milk, vanilla, quart of milk and salt

Beat the whipping cream (not too much, otherwise it's a pain to fold in) until soft peaks form. Fold in to egg and milk mixture, sprinkle with nutmeg. Serve chilled (this bit is important. Leave it overnight in the fridge. Even though heat pumps are against nature.)

And thaaaaaaaaaaaat's eggnog! serve with a dollop of whipped cream on top, with a sprinkle of nutmeg! Nutmeg is really good in this, don't be too afraid of overdoing it!

It's christmas!

2008-12-24T16:00:00.001-08:00

As I type this, it is 00:01 and it's christmas! Our house is full of stirring creatures, and our chimmney isn't crammed with santa yet, so that's that. "And not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse" "Which probably meant billy's goldfish were dead." Merry chrismas to all, and to all a good night!

Cool Day!

2008-12-23T10:59:00.000-08:00

So! Today was the last day of exams for me. 87% In applied Maths, 66% in Physics, and 89% in Maths. That's like, the highest mark I've ever gotten in a maths exam! Verily, I curb-stomped the diffo, I got 100% in every diffo question, so that was FREAKING AWESOME. I could have done better in physics, but ah well, c'est la vie. I studied too much of the definitions because I usually do badly in them, and unfortunatley over-compensated, and so I did kinda crap at the actual meaty physics work. Live and learn! And study.

But what made today especially awesome was what happened after school. Everyone went their seperate ways, ie: home, or doing social things. I was headed home. And there's something a little saddening about heading home to be by yourself for 6 hours when other people are out having fun. I have been struggling with this a little lately. I always thought that if you had God strongly enough in your life, you wouldn't really need other people. Sure, it'd be nice or whatever, but it wouldn't really be a neccessity. However, there's a good bit of scripture that contradicts that idea, I think. I think, anyway. Could be wrong.
Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Now, if this was in the garden of eden, which is effectively with everything being totally, completely perfect and God being, like, Right there, and man still having a wanting for another, I think this shows that we need other people. And yes, I mean need instead of want. I suppose it depends on how far you take the word "need". We don't wither and die, but people do have a tendency to go a bit bonkers without other people to talk to, so I think it's a needed thing, to some extent. That sounds a little stupid, and definately cliched, but I feel like I need some grizzled war veteran or protaganisty hero guy to tell me "Needing others isn't a weakness" or something like that. Oh well, lesson learned, hopefully! Aaaaaaaanyway! Back to the story.

So, I'd been feeling somewhat lonesome as of late, I suppose a big chunk of it is the "Holiday spirit", where by certified law everyone must be dating, in love, and smiling constantly among friends, or so TV seems to think, anyway. So I need to head to Dundrum to pick up a presesnt for Nicoleymoley, as she gave me one and my plan to get her one on iTunes exploded, but that'll only take so long, like, maybe 40 minutes, and then it's back to home to play videogames alone until my brother comes home from town 5 hours later. And lonliness and Lorcan do not mix well.

So I'm heading to Dundrum, and I'm just praying "God, I feel really lonely. Can you... do something about that? please, help me out here." And I wind up in said shop searching for the backup present I had in mind, when I hear over my shoulder "Hey, is that Lorcan?" Bingo! I turn around, and there is Damien, one of my favorite people to hang with. Best of all, he was in Dundrum for similar reasons, because he didn't want to go home and play videogames all by himself for several hours. Now there's nothing more wonderful than finding someone with the exact some problem as you. He is easy to talk to, makes me laugh, laughs at my jokes, and is just generally freakin' sweet to the max. And also, he is christian. Now, this is kinda important. It's just nice to be able to relax with someone who holds similar values and beliefs as you, and you don't need to feel uncomfortable around. He's not gonna start making vulgar sex jokes or start talking about people behind their backs. Well, as imperfect humans, we all probably do this at one point or another. But the point is we're both headed in the same direction, Jesus. So that was really nice. Also, it means I can talk about my faith without people rolling their eyes. Someone to relate to, y'know? At any rate, me, him, and Michael all spent the day hanging out in the mall (or shopping centre, depending on your persuasion), and then later went over to his house to watch Iron Man and have delicious chipper food. It was a really good time. I say this because it's one of those really obvious answers to prayer, I think. I say "Help me out, please!" and God lends a hand. I say this because I think these sorts of things are cool to hear from other people. Like a continuing testimony, as my friend/mentor Eric would say. Walking home, part of me thought "Bah, just co-incidence" And though I do believe in coincidences, I also believe this was God answering my prayers. Which was really cool to have happen really obviously and noticably. Our Father is pretty great, don't you think?

Oh! Also, on a totally unrelated note, as today was the last day of school before holidays, we had a free period in Applied Maths. So, me and my friend brian started gambling by cutting the deck (highest card wins), and as we weren't going to actually gamble, the stakes got pretty interesting. And luck was on my side. In short, I have won: Brian's lamp, Brian's Bedroom door, Brian's school tie, Brian's TV, Brian's Childhood from 1-8 ("Aw man, remember that time you were 7 and learned to ride your bike? Not anymore you don't, SUCKA!") Brian's laptop, Brian's health, Brian's future wife (now let's be specific, I don't marry her, I just own her.), Brian's Christmas presents, Brian's Trampoline, Brian's left leg, brian's first car, Brian's couch, and brian pays my first year's worth of auto insurance. (This means if he gets a car, I get that car, then he pays for it's auto insurance. :D ). I also won his dog, but he won it back. Darn.

Brian Won: 3 pairs of Lorcan's underwear, Every shoelace Lorcan owns, Lorcan's Finest chinese Silk robe, Lorcan's Ikea furniture, And Lorcan's bike.

Like I said, today was good.

"Lost the game"-Me! :D

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

Punching you in the face, in yo' base, all over the place.

2008-12-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

Hey, some of you that read my blog and have good memory might recall this post
documenting my frustration with differenciation. My Maths exam was today. Now, *ahem*
*victory dance music begins* *victory dance ensues*
IN YO' FACE! IN YO' FACE YOU SILLY LITTLE METHOD OF DISCOVERING SLOPES! YOU AIN'T NOTHIN! YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' YOU LAME EXCUSE FO' A METHOD OF DISCOVERING SLOES! I DIFFERENTIATED THE CRAP OUT OF YOU, NOW DEAL WIF' IT! *vicotory dance music stops* *victory dance subsides*
Yes, about 85% of the test was differentiation, and thanks to my math teacher's generous action of taking me aside before school started to help me learn diffo, and Nicoleymoley's short grinds course in town on the subject, I was well prepared to differenciate the crap out of various numbers, despite what guises they took whether it be differenciate y, f'(x), or "find the slope of the given curve if y=blah blah blah". So that all went really well!

Mmm, English.

2008-12-17T06:04:00.000-08:00

Right now I am eating a heavilly tortilla-based meal. 2 quesadillas with refried beans and cheese, and a scrambled egg burrito. My mom made me a scrambled egg burrito and now whenever I have Any tortilla-related food, I think of "Through painted deserts", a book by donald Miller. In it, him and his friend have a conversation about what they would like to eat most. At first, Miller's answer is "Eggs and them flour tortillas", a quote from a song that he listened to. Now whenever I think tortillas, I think "Them flour tortillas", and the companionship they represent, as someone else is making him eggs with not just any flour tortillas, it's them flour tortillas. Those ones he especially likes. Anyway, they're tasty. I had my english and Applied maths exams today, that was pretty intense. Question 3 of the App maths paper was crazy annoying, I messed up one part of it and it quickly turned into a swirling vortex of madness, beckoning me into it's swirling void like some sort of crazed miner gazing into the emptiness of a mine shaft. Effectively, I got irritating circular maths, like this:

3x=15x/5
3x=3x
0=0

Except more complicated than that. You spend 5 minutes of work to find out that yes, truly, zero does equal zero. Thank you for that, mister applied maths paper, I had no idea. I did well on most of the other questions though.

English was allright, though I think I may have used stupid words. Or really awesome appropriate language. We'll know soon enough.

Why is it called "English" anyway? I was thinking about this today. Back in the states we called the class "Literature". It was the same thing: studying poetry, reading and discussing books, and learning more about the written language. But "oh-ho!" You might say, "They're all in english!"
This is not quite true for our class, at least. We're watching "Il Postino" an Italian movie for a film analasys. And Shakespeare was originally Ye olde english, which is almost as good as a different language altogether. I do not say this in a "Hububhubub, America < Ireland" Sort of way, I mean, what I learn in english and what they teach is so much more than just words and why our language rox and whatnot. It's almost like a nature class, where they just say "Hey, existance is pretty cool, isn't it? Here's what a bunch of dudes said about existance. they said it very prettily, here's how to understand it." We need a new word for this class, I think, because it's so much more than English. I'd wager they study similar things in other countries and perhaps they name it after their language too. My proposed word? "Awsinium".

I wish my exam was like this. I get a page, and something to talk about, and go to town. Maybe the exam's supposed to be like that and I missed the point, who knows. I was supposed to write an article for a newspaper on why the gap year was wicked awesome, and I think it may have kinda dissolved into "HAY U GUYS IT'S AWESUM, YOO GET TO GO OUTSIDE AND THERE'S NEW PPL AND YOU EXPAND YUR HORIZONS AND STUFF 'N THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S ALL ABOUT, RIGHT?" I'm not sure though. I either did good, or bad. Not great, not horrible, not average, but good, or bad. Like I said, we'll find out!

Also, Rorshach inkblots are totally cool. Get some ink, fold a paper in half, drip some ink on that bad boy, smoosh the paper together, and BAM! Instant art form that actually looks pretty decent.

-"My Knife, where is my knife, I kill man who took my knife" - Alexandra, a quote from my english exam.