Monday, August 23, 2010

On goodbyes and hellos.

Can you hear it?
This voice of mine was sucked emptily into darkness
If the world has meaning to it,
Then these kinds of feelings aren't futile

I was crushed by my longing and had given up
Without even knowing the color of the endless sky

I began to run, because my feelings, even now,
Are definitely beating against my heart

The me of today will continue towards our destination
We'll amass our own tomorrows

The answer, yes, is always right here

I don't have the time to lament the seasons that have passed
So that I won't ever waver again
With countless, tiny little
Regrets carried in my arms

I've come this far, having chased only after your back
It's something only I, who sought you, can do

Those words you gave me that day, even now,
Definitely reach my heart

I've realized my reason for having been born
Today more than I did yesterday

The answer, yes, is always right here

It was as if everything was completely natural
Our precious days haven't ended yet, and then, again

I began to run, because my feelings, even now,
Are definitely beating against my heart

The me of today will continue towards our destination
We'll amass our own tomorrows

The answer, yes, is always right here

Good gravy I love that song.

Hey there folks, I suppose this is goodbye! Well, you and all the chinese spambots that have accrued over a lengthy period of doing absolutely nothing. I got my results today, and on the leaving cert, I have to say this: I did not study the hardest, but I studied hard. I did not do the best, but I did good. I did not get my number 1, but I got my number 2. I got a result that I can honestly say I am proud of. I'm not going to pretend that I coulnd't have done better here or there, but I am proud of what I have achieved. And this morning, what I had achived earned me social work in UCD, my number 2, which I can honestly say is one of the best things that I could get.

So I'm heading off to college then! Big things lie ahead, and I'm looking forward to what will probably be semi-grown-up-ness. But, I feel like this blog has ran its course, the life of a secondary school student from.... 4th to 6th year? Wow, three years? Maybe it hasn't been that. I want to keep it around though, maybe to look back and see where I came from every now and again. Thanks for reading, all of you, your comments and readership was at its heart, what kept this blog running.

On me, I guess I should say this has been one of the best and worst years of my life, I worked hard, and experienced some truly wonderful things over this year, but in honesty, I have grown distant from God, and that is a distance that has grown exponentially in the latter days of this year. So many good things happened, but like solomon, I've found that with God at an arm's length, they lack meaning and purpose. Like I said, the latter days of this year have been pretty messed up. I've done some truly terrible things, and I have lost a fair measure of friends here and there, and as cheesy as it might sound, I also lost major parts of myself along the way. But these things happen in life, and I truly, truly am looking forward for rebirth, renewal, and redemption as I seek God and try harder to live my life for him in this new college year, making new friends and building new bridges even among those that have been burnt. So here is to claiming and reclaiming wisdom, building and strengthening friendships old and new, and the redemption, rebirth, and relationship that God gives us, just because he loves us.

And also reminiscence, just because it starts with a "re".

So goodbye!

Play me off, Johnny!

"Hey, I wonder if this still counts as a quote even if it's just me saying it!" - Lorcan Murphy.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

In America!

I am in America! I'm on a visit after 6 years away from the motherland, and I must say I am quite enjoying myself. This is going to be a short post, so I will keep it that way. Food here is delicious, but really, really, really terrible for you. Not even kidding, 90% of the entire menu of a Chili's is at least more than 50% of your daily amount of calories. That is an underestimate, there were options that would be, by calorimetric estimation, the only thing that a woman should have eaten that day. And even then that can be too much. So naturally, there are many, many overweight people. It's not to say that buyers should take no personal responsibility, but I can see the difference even in cultural attitudes towards food, there is a nearly "loreal" kind of attitude, namely "because we're worth it" in which one is caught in a catch 22 situation of either indulging because you deserve the break, or admitting that no, you do not deserve to enjoy the new double cheese-chili baconator with extra bacon. The breakaway from this is to realize that healthy food, when skilfully prepared, can be even more enjoyable than some manner of deep-fried grease, but cultural attitudes can be difficult to overcome. That all being said, there are some super awesome health food places here and there, with fresh produce and all that, but things that leave one feeling digestively proud of themselves are certainly in the minority.

Ok, so I'm a dirty liar, that's not a short post at all! It's interesting to note the differences, I suppose the main ones would be that Utah is by a considerable margin full of nicer people than the Dublin I'm acquainted with, but also by a wide margin, full of, frankly, stupid people. In general. Well, I'm off to do more things! Happy Summer!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sunday, June 13, 2010

On being dangerous.

I just felt like blogging about this, it's been bugging me lately. Also, ah-ha! I am still alive and have not fallen down a well.

A term that gets thrown around a lot in christian circles is the adjective "dangerous". It's usually used in conjunction with doing some of the things that are more likely to get you strange looks for Jesus. Which is really great! Taking the step to think "you know, I am going to move to an impoverished place in the world and devote my life to making their world a better place" and then go on such a journey is a really cool thing. Or even the littler things like "hey, I'm going to bring up God in conversation and maybe try talking to this person about him.". I think that things like that are really important in a faith life. But what bugs me is the word "dangerous" that people use to describe them. For crying out loud! Cougars are dangerous. Driving your monster truck blindfolded is dangerous. Giving lots of money to poor people is not dangerous. Please, use the word "important" or "life-changing" or even "scary", but stop saying dangerous. I am aware that is sounds pretty edgy and cool, like some guy named "Jack" whose top 5 hobbies include: "mountain biking", "working out", "wearing sunglasses", "wearing tank-tops" and "gazing into the sunset at 3/4 posture while looking stoic", but please. Dangerous things are there to harm you. I am at least 99% certain that living for Jesus does not involve harming other people.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Half a poem.

I’m laying down baggage
For the journey ahead
I’ll carry no weight
No such worries like lead.
I’m letting it slip, lacking want to reclaim,
On vulnerable sails, I’ll drift without aim.

I’ll lighten my load in the soft morning light
Grant zephyr, O Lord, please bless me with flight
I’ll not seek to find land.
Bring no food nor provision,
and subsist only on the manna
you bring
when I wake.

God’s wind I’ll rely on to fill these sails,
courage for the stomach so sea-sick with ails.
Guide me to harbor when in need of repairs,
I’ve no crow’s-nest, nor sextant, nor putting on airs.


Maybe I can't reach all the dreams I'm hoping for, maybe I can't learn from all the mistakes I make, and maybe I can't vanquish all the skeletons in my closet. Maybe.

But so help me God, it won't be for lack of trying.