On that community yoke.

So, my school's first day of Christian Union starts tomorrow, and as part of God's running sense of humour, I am running the asylum for the first day. I mean, really. Of course, we are all flawed humans equal in our coming short for qualifications for service, but sometimes I realize that I'm part of the leadership team and it just strikes me that as part of his plan, this is where I'm at right now. Me, people! It's like someone put a recovering alcoholic as captain of their ship. But, all this is for the best, as at the end of the day, it will be God speaking through me that does the real work. The wonderful response to my questioning: "This is it, God? I'm going to be part of this? You sure you don't want someone more qualified?" That the answer is a resounding "Yes!". It boggles my mind.

At any rate, the talk for the first meeting is all written up, and I am both eager and relaxed, which is a comforting change. I've done stuff like this a few times now, so the jitters of speaking to a bunch of people and saying: "Ok, so I did some digging in the word, and now please listen to what God hopefully says through me.". And experience gives the comfort that they're not going to chuck me through the B floor window. At least, they haven't this far. I'm exited for this year though. The kind and nifty Jonny Somerville is "getting some heads together" for a panel of questions about faith and whatnot for January, and it's not in vain when I say "Thank God!" That the teachers are really willing to get up to their elbows involved in the work this year Nicoley and I are both in 6th year, so we'll need them about when mocks and the inevitable Summer Quiz comes lumbering towards us.

The thing that troubles me though is people attending. Not just about CU, but the communities of faith I'm involved in at the moment. The kids club I help out at on fridays is at an all-time low of kids, and those that do come are mostly at their parents' enforcement, and those that do come tend to be more interested in yelling and grabbing as much notice as possible rather than listening to what we put together for them. Which sounds like "Children aren't serious all the time, ka-gasp!" But, seriously, they're looking to close the thing down. Which would leave me out of a job for friday evenings. And sure, it's volunteer work, but I've got kids to feed! Fictional or no, they still need to be fed. My current youth club too, has seen a drop in attendees. I heard from someone recently that youth workers are on the decline, that youth interest in Christianity wanes and waxes, and the jobs associated with that rise and fall as well.

That kinda frightens me. I've witnessed apostasy in friends before, and if honest-to-goodness scares the pants off of me. Was this all a trend? Was eternity just for a weekend? Scares me to death. The concept of apathy gradually working its way around your neck and applying pressure newton by newton until your faith's last breath leaves your body with a shuddering, silent whisper. Of course, many such deaths witness resurrections from the almighty, but still, whenever I see someone close the door on their faith, whether with a resounding slam or a faint click, I cannot help but wonder: "Will that be me someday?" Luckily, unlike most of my others, such a fear does not warrant worry, to me at least. Despite being the thing I fear most.

However, I am aware of my own hypocrisy. I am secretly a master of not showing up. I may be involved in various groups of believers here and there, but I know, deep down, I am well practiced at hitting the "Busy" button when God comes calling. I know this is something everyone struggles with though, so I'm fairly certain nobody's going to leave a comment saying: "Goodness Lorcan, you horrible sinner, I've never skipped out on spending time with God once!" And if you do post that comment, please include someplace we can meet up, because you need to teach me your secret! However, I'm aware that a checklist faith of "Pray for 15 minutes, read your bible, Christianity ticked off for today!" isn't good either. Tricky, all the same.

At the time of this writing, we had CU yesterday, and unfortunately about only 3 people made it, which was kinda discouraging. My lovely youth leader Jonathan gave me a call later on in the afternoon to check how it went though, and was very kind! He showed empathy and sympathy, and what's more, encouragement. He's a nice guy, that Jonathan. Welp, that's all I've really got to say for today.

Oh! Wait! I also had a Netherlandese person controlling my computer yesterday to help set up a video game client. Risky move? Undoubtedly. However, it seemed to have to have had no adverse effects on my system, besides a grinding horror at watching my mouse move around and do things of it's own free will. It rendered me with the niggling feeling like my computer was about to burst forth legs and arms, and out of the arms, saws, to rend me and my brother to pieces. Fortunately, no such slaughter occurred. It's crazy how much you can learn about someone just from rifling through their PC, it took the Rob (the techie in question) about five minutes to find out my address, video game preferences, and even who I am currently romantically involved with.

It was interesting, really, me, him, my brother, and another friend or two of his from the Netherlands were all talking while said Dutchman set up my videogame client. And in the fashion of young men acquainted with the internet, the conversation quickly turned to "hey, let's see where this bloke hides the porn!" It was a little shocking even to my own ears to say: "There's none. Search if you don't believe me, you won't find anything." Of course, the dude didn't believe me, and regaled me with tales of the last dude who made that claim, and the approximately 2.4 seconds it took for it to be proven false. I felt a sense of calm and removed peace to be able to be completely at ease as the guy rifled through my computer to set up the client, certain beyond a doubt that I had absolutely nothing to hide from him or anyone. I think we must be doing something right as followers of Jesus when the claims we make (In truth, mind you), are so fantastic and grand that people just don't believe us when they hear them.

Okay, maybe I was just a little ashamed about the fact I was over level 100 on mafia wars, but that's it! :P

"Why don't you stand up? Be a man about it? Fight with your bare hands about it now?" - Paramore: For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic