Yhatzee, bingo, score, and other jubilations!

So, Contrary to moods of late, I have been feeling much better recently. It started with Discipleship late sunday evening, I love discipleship. Well, to be more precise, I love Jonathan, my youth pastor guy (In a totally Heterosexual and appropriate christian manner, just so that nobody accidentally sues him). It is so very relieving to be able to say what is going on in your life in a totally honest and open manner. I think if I said "You know Jonathan, I'm currently high as a kite on about a monkey's fistfull of valium right now", I honestly don't think he would think less of me. He would care, of course, but, something about him tells me that he cares about people, full stop. A Blameless Elder indeed.  We discussed all the sort of things you discuss with a church Elder (I only found out he was an elder, apparently he calls them all "old fogies", lol!), you know, faith issues, Christian Unions, Vomiting zombies, rage, prayer, heaven, all that good stuff (and yes, I did mean vomiting zombies.) It is just so great to be able to get all that stuff off your chest, it doesn't seem so big once it's out, you know? And to have someone to pray for you, that always means so much to me. Praying together, man, there is something so wonderful about it. I've felt so distant from God lately, this felt like a checkup from a Doctor, and I was once again reminded that there is life in following God, it's not all just for nothing. Ahhhh, I do love God. Jonathan really shows me God. By proxy (and otherwise), I love Jonathan! But onto tonights topic: Mock interviews. Dun dun duuuun!

Yes, our school does "Mock Interviews", and I had decided to put myself down for "Youth Pastor". The way it works is the parent's association goes to the effort of tracking down a bazillion interviewers to interview us students, and we put down our names in the hopes of getting someone to interview us. (Ok, at this stage, this post is a week late, so I will keep it simple.) I asked for "youth pastor" and they gave me "Youth worker". At first, I was afraid of whether or not it would be conisdered in a religious setting, so I prayed about it and asked God to help me in the interview. Midway through the interview, a person I had actually worked with in the past by the name of Susan, who works as a youth pastor came in to interview me! It was really sweet. I keep forgetting God does wonderful things and actually does things. Getting better at remembering though.

Dancing at Lughnasa at the Old Vic Theatre.

So, I just got back from a day trip to London (My first day-trip to said place, but not my first time in London), to see the play "Dancing at Lughnasa" with my English class. This went well! Everything ran like clockwork and I had noodles in a box for lunch. All was well. The play was quite the excellent, it shows different things that don't exactly come through in the text, like why a character is considered charming, when on paper he sounds like a total jerkface. Oh, now I remembered what I wanted to say: I earned a gold medal on the new survival mode in "Left for Dead", right before going to sleep. The level was the airport. Yeah. Horde of zombies around baggage check. The key strategy here was: "EVERYONE BEHIND THE DESK". There is a desk, you see. It wraps around. Everyone gets inside of it, and kicks some zombie kiester. So I was well prepared in case of zombie apocalypse. Until once we got to Gatwick, when I realised "get behind the desk" Doesn't work so well when you don't have guns. Gosh Darned airport security. So tired. Night!

Kinda update

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=282

Mind the swearing. Just read this, and this sums up what I have been feeling about  the new face of "Gamers" for quite a little while. I think I now know how green day fans felt pre-"american Idiot". Way back when, being a gamer was really a nerd thing. Now being a nerd or gamer is trendy. You'd think this would make me especially happy, but it doesn't, really. It is just frustrating to have something you once loved in a niche kinda culture thing just get watered down and sold to the masses. Time back way back when, being a gamer was a bad thing. "Nerd" was a term met with shame and indignation.  Somewhere along the line, being a nerd got cool. And that wasn't really what being a nerd was, back in the day. Unfortunately, as the comic states, this has really affected us. Unfortunately, our mommies and daddies in Nintendo and Sony realized that they could make absurd amounts of money by making games about two basic concepts: 1: Very easy. 2: Very simple. This sucks, for us. I think the main reason I am angry about this, is that now being a nerd/gamer is easy. Time used to be that you had to work your thumbs down to bloody stumps to beat a game. They were hard things, Nintendo's originals were renowned for being extremely difficult, for platformers, adventure games and the like.  Play The original Legend of Zelda or Zelda II sometime, you'll know what I'm talking about. I realised this when I watched an episode of "The big bang theory" on an airplane recently. Grossly innacurate. For one reason, ladies. The main characters have a supposedly ditzy neighbor that for whatever reason, just loves to hang out with them. And the main character has an awkward past with a lady he slept with. They seem to forget that such lady-folk usually either avoid such types, or simply don't exist. But for what I presume would be ratings, they added some normality to the show. It just pains me to see what I grew up with twist and fan out in so many directions. It's just too easy, I tells ya. So I guess the definition of "Nerd" is expanding to include more people than it did, but unfortunately those of us who had to look up cheat codes to memorise to beat "Mega man 2: Dr. Wily's Revenge", because it was insanely difficult, have been rather left out in the cold, with the advent of so many casual games. 

I am going to England tomorrow to see a play called "Dancing at Lughnasa". Laters!

"Oh the times, they are a chaaaa-aaangin" -  Bob Dylan

Grumpy bear

I was going to hardcore funnel my journal in, but I did not feel like doing that, so I will not. I feel kinda like George Bailey from "It's a wonderful life" when he comes home all grumpy and complainy and everyone's like "Dude, WTF?" Grant's also reading this over my shoulder. that is EXTEREMELY IRRITATING. Privacy. I am going to punch him if he doesn't stop tapping me. 3. 2. 1. I just went ballistic and tickled the crap out of him, untied his converse, threw one into our spare room. Then locked said room once he went inside. This was not satisfying. As I was saying. I am a grumpy bear. I am just stressed out. Exams in 6 weeks. I just can't study. I think I'm afraid of responsibility or something. Everytime I think to study, I just magically find myself on the computer reading something or other I honestly find boring. I also will not be doing my piano exams. I was going to attempt grade two. I didn't practice enough. I didn't know my songs well enough, really. It was very frustrating. I didn't even like them, really. I suppose that isn't fair. I liked them, in the way I might think a MCR song is good, listen to it once, then promptly forget it ever existed, but that was about as much as I liked these songs. Bleh. Just feels stupid to have spent those months of what practice I did, which is still fairly considerable. Not enough, but even a maginot line has some bricks in it. Those months, and 90 euro of my parents money, for nothing, really. Except guilt over not knowing them better and some residual shame that I didn't do the exam. I also didn't have any practice for ear-tests or sight reading due to my stay in Zambia, and the fact I felt mildly sick a few times so I just skipped practice. But this is splitting hairs. I am grumpy because I had a responsibility to complete, and I failed at it due to procrastination and all that jazz. Grumpy. Bleh. I think it is ok to be grumpy. Is it? I don't know. Not for too long, and not for no reason, and as long as you don't lash out at people. I suppose I'm just reacting to how I feel. I feel stressed. I don't want to feel stressed. There is no immediate way to escape said stress that I know of. This is frustrating. Frustration leads to a sort of underlying anger and said circumstances. And that leads to the daaaaaaark siiiiide. 

I also long for more anonimity on this blog. Which sounds stupid. I mean, if I didn't have my friends reading this, my readership would probably drop to about 1 at best. But it does kinda suck to not be able to talk about people. I mean, I do not wish to gossip about who may or may not totally be secretly dating Adam Meadows *hair swish*, but it would be nice on a few fronts. Like girls. I cannot talk about romance on a blog that people I know read. Someone might read it and tell said person. Or said person might read it themself. Who knows! It could lead to all sorts of drama. And like said grupmy current disposition, sometimes people read stuff like this and react to it in real life. There is something peaceful about not needing to be ok all the time. To know that one is grumpy or sad or frustrated and realize that this is unfortunately a natural part of the current human experience and just surf over the wave of proverbial fecal matter. When someone asks "How are you?" The answer is just about always "Good." Unless you want a long discussion about something that is bugging you. I like how Jesus said that those who are poor in spirit are blessed, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I never understood this, I'm still not sure I do. Does that mean it's better to be feeling down than up? I don't know. But at the very least it is comforting to know that one does not have to have a giant grin on their Chevvy Chase 24/7 to be a Christian. I am going to do a post about webcomics next.

"doot doot dee doot, this lyric totally accompanies this blog well" - I couldn't think of anything.

The BIG ZAMBIA POST... almost

Yeah, I'm slowing uploading my journals from zambia, but it's nearly a novel in length, so it may take a while. Warning, may contain: Theological musings, uncomfortable truths, large hamming it up, personal development, and more information than you could ever need to know about Lorcan's excretory systems.

In Dublin Airport

And I am now in dublin Airport! Fuin times for all. Dear lord, I have 35 seconds left on this thing. No time! Aghhhh! Calmed down more. Talk to you guys later, airports aren't scary! AHHH! time out!

The time has arrived.

So yeah, the big day has finally come. I was moreso focusing on what I was going to do as opposed to where I was going to do it. Zambia in my mind was basically next door, and other than not looking people in the eye (Cultural thing), that was about the most hassle there would be. Which isn't a bad thing, I mean, it is important to focus on what you're going to be doing. People are people, and we're not all that differnent. But as I was packing tonight, it hit me that I was going to be getting on a plane.

Planes take you to other places.
You've never gotten off a plane in a foreign place and recognised it.

It will be different.
There will be airport security.
Airport security. 
Dear Lord. Airport security. If things go badly, they check your butt for drugs.
Drugs. Malaria. You could actually get it.
Forever.
Malaria.
And the group. If you get seperated
You
Will
Die
Immediately. In an excruciating manner.

And then my brain just basically caught fire with worry. But I remembered the Lord, and that he took care of his followers. Some were killed because of their faith in him, but it was never his plan for any of us to suffer. He Loves me, and will watch over me. No Harm can come to me while I am there. I should not fear that which destroys the body, but that which destroys the spirit. In that respect, I think I will be safer in Zambia than I ever have been at home. And even, even in the chance that something horrible should transpire, I am bulletproof.  O death, where is your sting? I would be sent right up to the father. Disease? Well, that would hurt. But life is more than health. I need to sleep now. Goodnight folks. Oh, and if I explode or something, I Lorcan Murphy, being of yada yada yada, want all my stuff given to the poor. Unless Grant owns it too. That wouldn't be very fair.

"And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear? Oh no, you never let go, through the calm and through the storm, oh no, you never let go, Lord, you never let go of me..." -Worship song


Btw, I'm gonna upload journals that I do while I'm there. :P See you on the 13th!