Wednesday, March 25, 2009


"WHY? WHY HAVE THEY DONE THIS TO US? WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO THEM? I've.... I've always, I've always been faithful, haven't I, Grant? We've.. We've always been faithful, haven't we? They... Why? Why would they do this to us? We've done nothing wrong! Tell me we don't deserve this, grant. Tell me we deserve better than this. WHY? WHY? WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS?" These were the words I spoke to my brother, as he cradled me in his arms, controller still in hand. "What Lorcan? What happened? What's wrong?"

I will bring you back with me 5 minutes. I was reading TV tropes. I like TV tropes. I was reading this page . Then I read the line at the bottom. One solitary word escaped past my lips, taking the last remnants of my sanity along with it, my lucidity had become evanescent in lieu of this dark, WIKCED. WICKED EVIL INFORMATION. "No. "

"As of January 15th, he's slated to play Spike Spiegel in the recently announced live-action adaptation of Cowboy Bebop produced by 20th Century Fox. Fingers crossed that he handles it better than Mark Wahlberg did with Max Payne..."

God help us. God help us all. I raced to Wikipedia, desperate to reveal this as a hoax, a sham, for life to still have meaning, for the knowledge that the sun would indeed rise again. No. No sun., only blackness. Cowboy Bebop is my favorite anime. It was my first anime. My father introduced me and my brother to it, and in this way we went from children to men.  Even if it was only for 30 minutes a week, we were men.I will not try to share with you what is was, for words cannot do it justice.  It is like a Passionate kiss, or the first sight of your firstborn child, it must be experienced.

And now, 20th Century fox have... decided to make a live action film of it. And to play the role of Spike Spiegel, the protaganist, around whom the plot, life, and love of the entire story orbit like so many beautiful, mysterious planets, for this, they have cast.... The bile rises in my throat as I type this.  They... they have cast... Keanu Reeves.  This knowledge passes weightily from me, as though I just informed someone of their father's death. 

My Brother and I shared a scream, a yell of pain, so deep, it seemed to come from the very core of suffering itself. I said in closing, as though to seal up this affront to all things good in this world, "Why have they done this? Why do they rape all I love?  I don't go to the Fox excecutive's house and force his wife to have sex with me, so why he to that which I love? Firefly. Futurama. Why?"



Bernard said...

I sympathise. they MURDERED the simpsons after season 15 or so. They then proceeded to murder futurama :(

When I read the first paragraph i thought you were gonna rant about the college fees coming in, but, there are obviously more important things occupying lorcans mind :P

Nicoley said...

Hahaha ditto Bernard!

Phiasmir said...

Far. FAR more important things. thousands of dollars? Pfft. Messing up Cowboy Bebop would be minimum eleventy billion times worse, and that's a conservative estimate at best :P