Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tofu Conspiracies

So, for the first time in my life today, I bought tofu. Tofu has always remained firmly in the back of my mind as "That stuff what vegans eat." The closest I have come to eating tofu is having a vegetarian chicken burger for dinner once, as a surprise from my parents. The burger was actually the most delicious chicken burger I'd ever eaten, but for some reason they never got them again. Oh, and in "Fable 2", eating tofu instantly makes you thinner, and gives you good guy points, so there's that too. But today, I went out to buy tofu because I am preparing dinner with Nicole, and she's a veggie, so "Thai Pork Curry" had to undergo some revision. The following is the thought process of a newbie to Tofu.

"Ok, let's get some tofu. The Vegetable shop closes in 7 mintes. It is a six minute walk..... *Begins running*"

*Arrives at vegetable shop and looks around* "Do you guys have any tofu?" "No, we don't have any at the moment." (Vegetable shop without tofu, pffft.)

Luckily, Supervalu was just across the street. 

I spent a good 15-20 minues looking for this fabled dish, and it was about then that I realized I have no idea what tofu actually is.

I looked in the dairy section. Tofu is white and kinda squishy, isn't it? Cheese is too. So they're pretty much the same thing, really. It's soy curd right? Milk has curd, and then they make cheese out of that. That has to be right then. (Fun fact: Tofu is not like cheese in the slightest)

I eventually asked someone to help me find some tofu, and find it I did, in a little rectangular box. Whatever Tofu is, it comes in boxes, I guess. (Like custard. They're similar. (Not really.))

After paying for it, I began walking home, and decided to read the back of the box ( I can't get over this, it comes in a box?) and then the plot thickened, just like Tofu. Turns out it's soy milk and water put into a box, and it then ferments and begins to solidify, making tofu. What the crap is soy milk, anyway? I think it's delicious myself, but I never thought about all this! What is it with soy trying to be dairy? Be yourself Soy, we'll love you just the same. I then read the RDA Part, it turns out every hundred grams is about 3 grams fat (Take that, every other food product ever, that is pretty low fat, as far as I know (Which as we have firmly established is not very much)), 7 grams of protein, and 2 grams of carbohydrate.

At first, I was calmed. "Ah, this food is very low fat", I told myself. But then I realised. What in the name of toblerone is the other 88 grams of tofu? "What's your secret, Tofu? Where did you hide the diamonds?!?" I gruffly demanded of the little cardboard box. No reply. "Ahh, I see your game. Very sly, Tofu. very sly indeed." Tofu is pretty shifty you guys. I'll give you a chance, Tofu, but I've got my eye on you! 

(I'm not crazy, I'm just bored.)

Upon arriving home, I asked my mom "What the crap is Tofu, mom?" "It's pressed bean curd, Lorcan." And for the first time, I realized that I had never even come close to understanding what any of that meant.

And now to wikipedia Tofu and look back on this ingnorant rant in shame. Though I'm sure it will be delicious!

/edit: The second I hit "Publish Post", I remembered I have actually had Tofu loads of times at oriental resturaunts, and think it's actually quite tasty! Today is not my day to sound smart, I do not think.

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